Letters I wish I could send:

[stinkbug]

I just need to get a few things off my chest....

Dear grocery clerk,
Please DO NOT bag the fresh lettuce with the deoderant...or the grapes with the soap. Geez, isn't this just common sense, or do they not train you people at all?

*Unhappy customer

Dear dh's fellow workers,
Is it really necessary to forward all the crap emails just becasue you have our email address? Really, I don't want all your glurge and political opinions in my in-box.

*The wife who hates junk mail

Dear SIL's father,
You're gone. May God have mercy on you for all the lousy, crappy, rotten things you did to your son and the hurt you inflicted on his life.

*The MIL who will gladly give him the love he deserves.


That's all for now.....
Feel free to write your own letters purging your frustration.

[YankeeMom]

Dear fellow mom at the McDonald's PlayLand....

Children and their parents do not need to be flashed by your bare @$$ when you bend over, sit down, squat, whatever. Wear underwear that CYA...or better yet, get a BELT!

*totally grossed out mom

[stinkbug]

Ewwwww!!!!!

[stinkbug]

Dear YankeeMom,

Congratulations on the 20 pounds lost!!! That's awesome

A FV Pal who's happy for you

[annymoll]

Dear Girls and Ladies in America,
1.) Please cover your stomach. You may think it looks hot, but the fat rolls and stretch marks are gross.Please cover your breasts. Showing it all make you look slutty, not sexy.

2.)People in America,
If you cough , cover your mouth. If you cough into your hand, clean it before you go to shake mine, or to touch anything else.

3.) People in America,
Please speak softer. I don't want to hear your tales of drug abuse, cheating, sexual misconduct, shopping excursions, party plans,,, etc. etc. from 5 feet away.

Thank You.

[stinkbug]

Dear geese nesting in our yard,

Mrs. Goose, that is a lovely nest you've got there. All fluffy and safe, and you're a good nester. Mr. Goose, you're doing a fine job of protecting the nest and keeping predators away. We can hardly wait to see your 7 babies and hope they are as healthy as the goslings last year

The humans you keep entertained, and counting the incubation days!

[starsapphire]

Dear fellow art student:

Quit trying to subtly make me feel bad because I am way more excited in class, about class than you are. Yes I ooh and ahh over your color choices and patterns because I am excited for you also. Quit asking me why I am buying more material when I just bought some. I don't owe you any explanations. I am having a whole lot of fun and I am not afraid to show it. Because of your attitude I have decided to stop my conversations with you in class. From now on I will only speak to the other fun girls. You live in a yurt and you su**.


Dear slu**y-dressing girl in my social circle:

Stop with the low-rise jeans coupled with the thong underwear. There are children around here. Quit sitting in front of my husband and bending forward. One of these days I will be forced to give you an atomic wedgie.

[JustMegan79]

Dear Obnoxiously Loud and Touch Golfers I am Waiting On:

Please stop yelling at me about your beer all at once. If you order in a calm and orderly fashion I will be happy to present you with your beer.

Please stop playing musical chairs. Its distracting and causes screw ups.

This is a relativley pricey place. Please do not tell me you want your 300 dollars back, even jokingly. It makes me nervous.

Thank you and have a pleasant Myrtle Beach Vacation.

--your friendly waitress.


Dear Woman in Mens Room:

You cannot be in there. Even with your man.

Nothing good for the rest of us people in the restaurant can come of this.

Please dont get snippy with us when we tell you cannot go in there to do whatever you were going to do which falls into illegal categories I am betting.

Please do not come back to the Pier.

---Your Irritated Server.


Dear New Husband:


Please get off the couch.

Please stop trying to convince me you are narcoleptic.

Please pick up your pants.

Love,

Your adoring wife.

[fernykins]

Dear car driver next to me,
I really don't want to hear your music or have my car windows rattle. If I wanted to hear it I would have put it on in my car. Have common courtsey not everybody wants to listern to it
Unhappy Driver

[Hoosier Momma]

Dear fellow drivers of Fort Smith:

It's called a red light--it means 'stop,' not 'let's see how many of us can keep going until the cross traffic collides with us.' There are now these great inventions called turn signals--most of us aren't mind readers.

Dear advertisers:

I really don't want to see any more commercials about Viagara, Cialis (what is up with those stupid bathtubs?), or birth control advertised during the hours when my kids are still up...otherwise, you can come over to my house and explain what E.D. and an IUC are to my 9 year old.

Dear dogs and cats in my home:

Stop shedding all over my house!!!! I swear I vacuum up after you about 5-6 days/week. You all should be bald by now as much hair as you leave behind.

Dear Mikey:

Mommy would really appreciate it if you would take a nap lasting longer than 15 minutes during the day and if you slept past 4 a.m...dark circles under the eyes are not a sign of beauty. (P.S. I love you anyway!)

[Samigirl]

Quote from stinkbug:
Dear dh's fellow workers,
Is it really necessary to forward all the crap emails just because you have our email address? Really, I don't want all your glurge and political opinions in my in-box.

*The wife who hates junk mail


I'm with stinkbug on this one. I don't want virtual junk mail any more than I want postal junk mail! I feel like turning the tables, by saving all my junk mail from the post office and mailing it to anyone who forwards emails incessantly.

Here's my own letter:

Dear so-and-so....I am tired of having the same conversation every time I run into you. It's always all about you and your problems. I'm tired of the drama you create for yourself. Maybe if you would look outside yourself, and focus on others, you'd find happiness.

[luv-my-lexi]

Dear car driver next to me,
I really don't want to hear your music or have my car windows rattle. If I wanted to hear it I would have put it on in my car. Have common courtsey not everybody wants to listern to it
Unhappy Driver

and

Rude lady in Dollar Tree:

When they look at ME and say I can help you over here (at the next register, after I have been standing there FOREVER) do not run with your basket to get there before me because I will look right at you and say "I WAS NEXT IN LINE" and will get right in front of you and put my stuff on the check out lane and I WILL again get rang up before you!!! I did this the other day and boy it kept me from exploding (right there in the store).

Dear Across the Street Neighbor:

If you are going to have an outdoor female cat.....GET HER FIXED!!!! We don't need millions of kittens/cats having more kittens ~there are plenty in shelters all over!!!!!!!!

Thank YOU.

[Hoosier Momma]

Forgot one:

Dear completely rude stranger:

Yes, they are all my kids...yes, not only do they all have the same father, we are married too! Yes, I know what causes it, and if you don't maybe I could explain it to you. No, it's none of your business if I'm done having 'em--and as long as we pay the bills for them, you have no say so in the matter.

(can you tell I get a lot of rude comments about this?)

[DJ1972]

Dear Mother Nature
Thanks for the rain, but I think you over did it a little. I would like to be able to flush my toilets and see my yard again..or even to be able to check my mail without hip waders on.

the soggy missourian

[forHISglory]

Dear guy-in-the-junked-up-car/pickup-who-must-have-slept-in-late-and-now-is-afraid-of-being-canned-if-he-is-late-to-work-one-more-time,

Wake up earlier! Some day you might be canned because you are in jail for reckless driving!

Sincerely,
The woman who scared to see you passing in every lane
===================================

Dear IRS,
Hire people who know what they are doing when they answer the phones. I'm tired of calling for information, only to be told that the IRS doesn't know the answer, but that it is my responsibility to get the right answer before I send in my taxes.

Sincerely,
Frustrated and Honest Tax Payer
=====================================

Dear Spring,
Please, pretty please, come quickly. We are soggy in Missouri and would like to see some sunshine.

Sincerely,
Chilly and Wet Wanna-Be Gardner