Seeking parents of kids with ODD

**lovestolaugh** · 04-23-2008, 06:09 PM

Anyone out there have kids with oppositional defiance disorder? My 11ds has this. I would love to talk with anyone that understands the constant battle of having a kid like this. I love him with my whole heart but sometimes I just don't know what to do with him. If anyone has an older child that has come through the "other" side and is okay, I sure could use the inspiration!!!! Please someone tell me it gets better!!!

**TheRootedNomad** · 04-23-2008, 07:46 PM

I don't have a child with ODD but I have worked with many children (directly in a home like setting as well as in homes) diagnosied with it. Most often with other diagnosies as well. Sometimes multiple ones. I've been in the field long enough to see some of the kids I worked with go on to become adults. Some of them very productive adults even with everything stacked against them growing up. Not every story turns out roses but your son is lucky to have a mom who is hanging tough with him. My hats off to you. Feel free to PM if you'd like. I can't say I've been through the costantness (24/7) of it, but I've been a support beam before for families that are dealing with multiple diagnosies children on a 24/7 basis before.

**homemaker66** · 04-24-2008, 06:21 AM

I have been there with my middle son. I found that keep his schdule light and simple. Try and not do any sudden changes in the routin. I know that is impossible sometimes but make sure you give him plenty of time to accept the change. I found having light music on at night with dim lights on curtian or shades pulled (shut out the world) maybe some candles he seemed to fall asleep alot easier. Watch and listen to what he is listening to and the shows that he watches make sure that his is not viliont(sp).What is there that he likes to do? My son would work on cars that seemed to keep him focused and not flying off the handle all the time. I know it is tough been there and done that and we are still going through things with him which he is 18 but right now he has to make his own bed sort of speaking. I know one day he will come around. But if you need more tips please ask.

**staciah** · 04-24-2008, 07:48 AM

I also have a son that has ODD. He is 14 yr old. He began having problems when he was 3 yr old. In Pre-School they did an IEP and labeled him emotionally disturbed. I was so heart broken. Now that he is 14, he lives with his father (has been for a almost a yr) His father has always denied anything was wrong with him. Now he knows the problems Tyler has.

He has been on many medications from Strettara, Prozac,concerta, Depakote, risperdal, Now Wellbutrin. The Wellbutrine has been working the best for him. He is less agressive and argumentive.

He has seen many Dr. too. He has been diagnosed w/ ADHD and ODD and depression, BP and OD and Depression, Now he is PTSD,ODD, Obsessionality.

I don't believe the PSTD. He has always been a compulsive liar, narcissistic, and manipulative. I love him dearly but I worry so much for his future. He never takes responsibility for his actions and is so argumentative at times.

When we moved here to NJ almost 3 yrs ago, he got really bad. He ended up in the hospital because a Dr gave him the wrong meds and he tried to really hurt himself. He was self mutilating himself before that but It got really bad after the Prozac and Concerta.

I was able to get him into a Special Services school that was Ideal for him. His father (in NY) talked him into moving up there and said that he would get him main streamed back into the school system. Well he did and then Tyler was expelled 2 months later for attacking a teacher.

Like I said before, I love my Tyler so much. He is such a beautiful boy. I worry so much about him. He has already experimented with Pot sense he has lived with his father. His father doesn't make any rules for Tyler. Tyler doesn't even have to bath himself properly because his dad doesn't want the arguments.

I could go on and on about this but If you need anyone to talk to please don't hesate to talk. I will be here.

**antkaki** · 04-24-2008, 08:29 AM

my daughter is 17, autitstic, bipolar, mild MR and has ODD...she was diagnosed around 4 and the past 13 years have seen it's share of ups and mostly downs and we still go thru many times where no matter what you tell her, she will argue and do the opposite just to show you that she can do what you tell her not to do.

it is a constant battle and she has been in special ed since pre-school and has always been listed as EBD...emotionally & behaviorally disturbed. she was always angry, violent, hitting teachers, hitting me, other people...in and out of psych hospitals since she was 7..there were two years where she was in twice.

all types of meds that unfortunately cause alot of weight gain. the med that worked the best on her violent tendencies and outbursts was topamax. i thank God for that medication daily. she would be on others and stable, but after a few weeks to a month they would stop working...

now i just let go and let God (something i learned in Ala-teen when i was younger and my dad was an alcoholic)...the battles will be constant at times, she goes to bed at 9 still, taking a daily shower is a battle in itself... and what she watches, eats, drinks nothing else is to blame, it's a brain/chemical imbalance.

patience, prayer, persistance & perseverance are a must...i knew there was a problem and doctors told me she couldn't be autistic becuase she didn't do x, y, or z...but i have two autistic nephews who are different as night and day...i told one doctor there were over 200 forms of autisism and he said are you sure, i'll have to check into that, and that was a child psychiatrist!! he belived nothing i found info on that came from the internet (said it was a crock) and even tho i had literature from the national institute of mental health he rarely believed what i said because afterall "I WAS ONLY THE PARENT AND KNEW NOTHING" let him take her for one day and he would have called me after 2 hours to come get her lol

tho my patience is running out on me due to my severe depression and stress due to my medical problems and other things and also some stress from Britts problems, but i'm working on it. and with God and prayer things always seem to work out.

hope things work out for you and your family. i also had an ex who refused to believe anything was wrong with "his" daughter, but he has contacted her maybe 10 tiomes in 14 years and seen her last when she was 3...that's another trigger for her that is getting less and less thank God!

wills ay a prayer for you and your son.

**antkaki** · 04-24-2008, 08:50 AM

forgot to add and then wouldn't let me edit my post....

the main thing you have to remember to do is treat him like a regular child. no special privledges due to his disabiliities. same rules, consequences, bedtimes, etc.

i have a friend who has treated her disabled daughter so differently that she is spoiled rotten and thinks that if she wants something she can have it no matter what...she has spent the night here once (never again) and called her mom because i wouldn't let her stay up til 2 am like her mom did...her mom thought i was being cruel because her daughter was special and not like other kids...they were both in the same class at school with similar disibilities...no whining, no special treatment, no fussing about rules and what others are allowed to do...this child was even allowed to curse (f-bombs) and tell her mom what she would and wouldn't do.

okay i think i'm done...

sorry to be so long winded...

**cissylu** · 04-24-2008, 09:35 AM

I`ve never heard of this disease before.
my dgs has adhd and he doesn`t alway`s mind . it has sometimes been hard some day`.we have raised him for 9yrs.
my heart goes out to all of you.
cissylu

**staciah** · 04-24-2008, 11:24 AM

Antkaki,

I too suffer from depression and am on some meds. I have my good days and still some bad. My DH is a saint for the things he has gone thru. I told him once that if the shoe was on the other foot and it was his child, I probably wouldn't have stuck around. I own so much to him. My 4 yr loves his brother but just doesn't understand sometimes why Tyler is so mean.

I told Tyler's stepmom about Aspergers Syndrome and thought that maybe Tyler should be tested for it with his new dr in NY. I haven't heard anything more about it. I sometimes wonder if he might have it.

I agree with everyone about have to stay consistant with the rules and rituals. I think that may be a big part of my DS prob. Two different houses, Two different environments.

Children with these disorders are very hard to handle. I Know there are alot of organizations out there for parents to go and talk. If you look under Children's Mental Health maybe you might find some kind of group near you that you can go and talk to someone and share your problems with. We have one here in NJ. It's really great. The kids and parents go and learn about how to manage life (or try) in a fun way by making a game out of it.

Best wishes