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Thread: Not on board

  1. #1
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    Default Not on board

    How do you guys handle it if you're spouse isn't totally on board with being so frugal? I found this website by accident, and was excited to tell my husband as we have two little ones and are new to being a one income family. Although he complains about how tight money is, he's not willing to make some sacrifices to do it. I've turned off our A/C on cooler days, purchased a drying rack and would like to hang close out to dry, and several other things but he thinks I'm going crazy. I have been doing little things for over a month, and I noticed a decline in our electric bills...any suggestions?

    Thanks!
    Lesley

  2. #2
    McD
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    Something I had to do was show hubby the numbers. I nagged for awhile trying to get him to cut out his little trips to the gas station to buy junk food and snack foods. "Well it didn't matter it was just a few bucks here and there."

    So for a month I waited, then I added up all the purchases at his little gas station runs. I sat down that night after dinner and asked him, "If I gave you 500$ right now what would you do with it?" He had all sorts of answers!!!! Then I said, "That's what your gas station trips are costing you."

    He saw the light!
    McD
    -wife to Z
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    Blog: http://familystylemayhem.com/


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    Moderator Ceashels's Avatar
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    It took me 5 years of my frugal ways before DH (aka also known as Greebo) to get on board. I didn't nag, I didn't fuss, and we had separate accounts so he had his money and I had mine.

    I slowly introduced him to Dave Ramsey and being the "mans man" that he is, DH started listening. Greebo is now fully onboard and it is a little difficult holding him back at times. (yeah, like most of you guys couldn't figure that one out!!!)

    I agree that showing him the figures would have helped get him there sooner. The realization that the little nickle and dime stuff (which is now $1's and $5's in this economy) quickly adds up to $50's and $100's. It is a good strategy to show the "bottom line" of spending. MrsMcDowell went about it the right way with the "what would you do if you had $x amount right now?"

    Once you have his attention then start asking him what HE would do to help trim the budget? If he contributes to the plan he will help stick to the plan. If he gives something up... rest assured you will need to give something up as well and you probably already did.

    It takes patience and nurturing and the realization you are trying to change his perspective and attitude about money. It isn't easy and the ideas need to grow like a tended garden. If you cut too much away to quickly it won't help the plants. If you don't do anything it will go wild.
    The Free Spirit Saver who walks the path with Greebo.

    Onboard with a modified Dave Ramsey Plan
    Budget: "Every month! On paper, on purpose!"


    Gardening somewhere between Zone 6b and 7a.

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    Registered User Momto2Boyz's Avatar
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    I agree with nanagail, just keep doing the things that you can to save money. Eventually, you can turn around and show him the proof of how much you've saved! Maybe even keep a running total of how much you save over the next 3 months and maybe he'll come around.

    It's really hard to stop spending. DH had a hard time with it and sometimes still does. I sometimes have to remind him that we don't need things. Granted, he likes to take off and shop on the weekends (and at least he LOVES the thrift stores), but I still have to remind him often that he doesn't NEED things!

    It takes time, but hang in there. Hopefully, eventually he comes around. But even if he doesn't, at least you'll be saving the family some money!

  5. #5
    Rude and Vile Master Greebo's Avatar
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    I don't know what ceashels is talking about. This frugal, debt free mindset was entirely my idea.










    NOT!!!
    If you could kick in the pants the person responsible for your problems, you wouldn't be able to sit for a month.

    Did you know that a 4 year student paying $20,000/year who finances their education graduates with over $103,000 in debt to start? But a student who works and pays cash and takes 6 years to graduate ends with $6,300 in their pocket! So much for "getting a head start by financing!"


    Greebo
    (Nerd Spender): Loving and extremely patiently tolerated husband of ceashels.
    WARNING: Y Chromosome behind the keyboard. Adjust your listening filters appropriately!

    Three
    Two mortgages, two one no car loans, one no credit cards, and a partridge in pear tree!

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    Registered User hugxlaughxsmilexlove's Avatar
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    "Some of their husbands have pride regarding taking care of their family and being the provider, and to some of them, cutting back on anything is like a slap in the face, like admitting they aren't capable of supporting their family."

    Exactly.
    My husband is a "I support you" F-R-E-A-K
    While he does make decent money (when he gets paid).. I have found the light of.. "I am twenty years old. My parents are 39 and 40 and taking at least one amazing vacation a year - that.is.meeeee" However, at the rate we spend money and don't even have a savings account (ahhhhhhhh, that is coming within the next 7 days).. we'll never get to enjoy things when we're older and all three girls are grown up and out of my way!

    All of a sudden one day I started hanging the laundry, watching what I buy at the grocery store and *gasp* clipping coupons - it's been.. awesome. Our electric bill went down $25 last month.. I bragged about that one, LOL!

    Me changing was a "Hey honey.. now you can save a little more for your cars *wink wink*"
    He started to roll his smokes.. I told him how much money we would save each year and he was in awe with that.. "Can I have my OWN savings account".. sure can honey, as long as you quit buying a pack a day for $5.25 (costs less than $3 a week when he rolls) BIG SAVINGS!!

    Sometimes you just have to ignore him and do what you want.. he'll notice eventually, kinda like mine and his car savings fund. Silly boys. They appreciate everything eventually!

  7. #7
    Registered User FrugalMomof3's Avatar
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    I say just keep doing what your doing, and that little extra your savings on bills, put that into a savings acct... once he see's how much is being saved because of the decline in bills, he might just start trying even a little bit.

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    Lol at Greebo!!!
    Married to my highschool sweetheart, DD 8 DS 3 DD 1 months

    CHALLENGES:
    Debt free (except mortgage) 12/13/14
    2014 Fling

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    Registered User leezza's Avatar
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    As Mrs. McDowell says sometimes they need a little come to jesus moment for my DH it went kinda like this.......

    He didn't realize how much he was spending at Starbucks.....you know what I mean well crap it's only $4-$5 dollars a day......uh yea but if you take that thru a year it is.......$5 X 5 day=$25 X 52 Weeks in the year= $1,300.......So he still get his coffee but it is now a big treat maybe once a month : ) We still laugh about this one : )

    I think that guys do need to see it in black and white or be explained the particulars in nice way and not be NAGGED at.

    JMHO,
    leezza

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    Registered User Starlight9803's Avatar
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    I had this situation. I just did all I could personally do to save money and cut back. Eventually, DH came around a bit, but it took several years. In the earlier times, as long as I didn't ask him to do any of it (hang clothes, garden, clip coupons, shop mulitple stores, etc) he was fine with it. It gets annoying, but you truly can't change the way someone else is, only they can do that.
    Starlight
    mama to: dd (15) and ds (10) and a surprise on the way!!
    married to DH for 17 years

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    Registered User MoonMommy's Avatar
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    There are lots of other little things that you can do around the house that won't negatively affect his "quality" of life but will save you some money in the long run. I have done that. My hubby is pretty good about most of it now, but some of his behaviors still drive me a bit crazy. I think he has realized that if we save on the basic things we will have some money to spend on things that we want to do like going to Pro-sports games or vacations, etc.

    Other things you could try:
    - Use power strips on all your electronics and at the end of the day turn the strip off. Easier than unplugging everything, and since all of those electronics continuously use energy even when "off" you will be saving some electric by cutting the power to them completely. I will even turn them off during the day. Exapmle: I let the kids watch a bit of TV in the AM after breakfast. After they are done, I just turn the strip off on the TV. Serves two purposes....saves energy, and since it takes a few minutes to warm up the system, it actually keeps us from using it throughout the day.
    -Systematically change all of your regular light bulbs to florescent bulbs. They use a lot less energy than the "old" kinds.
    -I also try to do dishes only once a day, that way I am not constantly emptying the water heater, etc. It also saves us a bit on our water bill. Also, we are members of the YMCA, so we try to take our showers there when we are done exercising/swimming.
    -Just cooking your own dinners instead of getting take-out or going out to eat saves tons of money. Also, you could pack him a lunch daily. My hubby enjoyed taking his lunch because I would often pack him the left overs from dinner the night before (he walks to work now and is home for lunch daily). If he likes coffee, buy him a thermos and fill it for him before he leaves for work. If he likes pop, it might be cheaper to buy him a case of it to take to work instead of buying it out of a machine.

    Good luck. I think most of them eventually come around once they see the benefits.

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    Registered User Thevail's Avatar
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    Dh and I agree to save money.. but we do it differently.

    I unplug the microwave when it's not in use, hang laundry and buy loss leaders, shop at thrift stores etc.

    He does household repairs (even big ones) himself and changes the oil in the car, and carries a lot of free stuff we find home.

    We've had to compromise in a few areas.

    Eating out.. but, we get our movies through the mail now instead of going to the theater (his thing) so once a week if we have the money, we eat out somewhere cheap. It's a "fun" thing for him.. and since I don't have to cook.. I'm not exactly complaining.

    Socks.. I'll buy the kind we like on sale, but despite all his protestations.. I like MY brand, and refuse to change. So now I buy enough to last a few years when they go on sale, so we never pay full price for them.

    DH says he could care less how much I "saved on something at the grocery store" as long as he never has to go there.

    I told him I don't care how excited he is about that new light socket from the hardware store.. as long as I never have to go there..

    So far it's working : )

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    I showed my dh a 1page spreadsheet of my income (I am the breadwinner), the expected bills throughout the year (based on last year), and the total savings we could have if we stick to this budget. It was more money than he ever expected, and suddenly he realized that his dreams may actually come true. Even so, it took him 4 months to not book any money back from the savings account to the spending account during the month.

    We are now discussing whose dreams will come true first, his or mine......and how we can compromise.

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    The way I got my fiancee on board with being frugal was relatively easy. I've been frugal most of my life, so when I wanted or needed something, and I determined it had passed whatever arbitrary threshold I had set, I was able to get it without much difficulty. When she needed an oil change for her car, it was hard for her to find the money to get the job done. After she complained about that for a while, I sat her down to do her finances. Once she saw the hard numbers of what she had going out, as opposed to coming in, I pointed out why I was so frugal. Being frugal in one area means I can do what I want in another area.

    She sees how it is beneficial, and has taken several good steps, but isn't at the same level I am. Which is fine, as long as we are still working towards the same goal in life. I also pointed out how the majority of my coworkers, who make more than I do, aren't as financially stable as I am. Frugality helped make that possible.

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