Advice on getting spouse on board with budgeting

**tkn4lif** · 08-05-2008, 02:17 PM

Can anyone give me tips or advise on how I can get my husband more involved in being budget friendly? I have tried to explain things to him. For example: he swears that it is cheaper to eat out than to cook a meal. Help! Any past experiences would be helpful!

**Greebo** · 08-05-2008, 02:18 PM

Got TiVo?

Get the Fox Business Network?

Put Dave Ramsey on the season pass manager.

**pollypurebred39** · 08-05-2008, 03:55 PM

Well, I would pick his favorite meal from where ever and add in the 20% tip and make up a slip. I would then make the meal myself and hand him the stores register slip and your homemade one. Sometimes things are just black and white and you just have to show them.

While in the start of my marriage my husband would stop at Turkey Hill every morning and purchase junk and coffee. All the trash was there as indisputable evidence. I gathered it all up. Figured out what the prices were for Turkey Hill made up a slip and then purchased the same junk from the store. It was an 1/8 of the cost. I showed him it and waited for his response. He decided that it was better for him to avoid Turkey Hill. Good thing because I think smoke was coming out of my ears and I would have exploded. Years later I convinced him he could save even more money if I made all his snacks. I'm a pretty fair cook so he agreed. I used this tactic on all his wasteful ways. We did have some major battles though. I just could not stand by and watch money be blown. I definately have a short circut button when it comes to waste.

**Buckeye5** · 08-05-2008, 04:15 PM

It took a lot of years for my DH to get on board, but he is finally there. We are now doing finances together etc. Get the book by Dave Ramsey, the Total Money Makeover and put it next to toilet, or wherever he may pick it up, or you can also get the DVD's etc. from the library and challenge him to listen and watch it together, start gathering proof of your debt reduction, but don't give up on him, it just takes a bit for others to get real about their finances. I have been there, good luck.

**frugalbabe** · 08-05-2008, 05:44 PM

Well, I can tell you what it is like from the flip side! I have a dh who handled most of the money bills etc. And I, while never a big spender, was not the wisest either. When we would get to the end of our month and dh would tell me the money was gone I would be exasperated because in my mind I was being pretty careful. So I started crunching the numbers with him in fact I have kind of taken it over and now that I understand what is coming IN I am way more careful about what is going OUT. It took me seeing the cold hard numbers to realize that things like eating out need to be a TREAT not a weekly occurrence!

**McD** · 08-05-2008, 06:20 PM

My dh used to be horrible about buying junk from the gas station. At the end of the month, I totalled up what he spent on all that junk--it came to 500$!!!!

I didn't get mad, stomp my feet, cuss, or scream. I waited til he came home that night and asked him what he would do with 500$ if he could spend it on whatever he wanted.

then I explained what he really did with 500$.

He has gotten WAY better.

**MomToTwoBoys** · 08-05-2008, 09:43 PM

I'd do as the others have mentioned; show it to him in black and white. Make the same meal at home and show him how much it is for each item, then also show him how much he spent on the same thing as a fast food restaurant. He may tell you, "But honey, this isn't the same thing." or think you're trying to belittle him. He'll eventually come around.

**The Muse** · 08-05-2008, 10:16 PM

I agree that your best course of action is to show him examples. Try to remain calm even if you want to wring his neck. It might also help if you tie his spending back to the debts you're trying to pay off. Maybe add up how much you spend on average per month dining out and make a case for putting that $$$ towards one of your credit cards.

My DH is generally onboard, but once in a while, he'll pull a boneheaded move like he did today when he bought a couple boxes of rice at the grocery store near his work for $2.69/box. I can get the exact same thing at Target for $1.37/box. Nevermind that we've already got a few boxes stockpiled and he has no immediate plans to eat the rice. I reminded him about the stockpile and asked him to add things to my list so I can get the best price. The kicker is he bought it because it was "on display". Have I taught this man nothing?

**tkn4lif** · 08-06-2008, 08:34 AM

Originally Posted by MrsMcDowell

My dh used to be horrible about buying junk from the gas station. At the end of the month, I totalled up what he spent on all that junk--it came to 500$!!!!

I didn't get mad, stomp my feet, cuss, or scream. I waited til he came home that night and asked him what he would do with 500$ if he could spend it on whatever he wanted.

then I explained what he really did with 500$.

He has gotten WAY better.

I just did this the other day and it totalled almost $400! And that is just food and ciggarettes.

**Ceashels** · 08-06-2008, 09:02 AM

I've been fairly fortunate in Greebo's coming on board. Sometimes it takes subtlety to get an idea into a mans head. I TiVo'd DR's programs and he started watching them on his own. The books came next and that was followed by the budget meetings and summits.

There are a lot of small changes happening as well now. This morning he said he was turning off his home computer to be more energy frugal. We price shopped last night for sunflower seeds and he took out his calculator and priced what he pays for them in the convenience store and the 24 pack box. The 24 pack won and went in the cart. We then turned the corner and found the 70 pack MOTHERLOAD bucket!!! Lets just say we now have a nice work bucket after the seeds get eaten! LOL

My recommendations:

Can you leave a copy of TMMO in the reading room (you know the room, it has that porcelain seat)?

Organize the budget or proof of wastefulness in black and white. This seems to work well for some men.

Force is not an option.

**Greebo** · 08-06-2008, 09:08 AM

And neither is deception, manipulation, whining or being a ***** about it, btw. Not if you want him to listen.

Straight up honest calm heart to heart if you ever want to get through to him.

**Russ** · 08-06-2008, 09:15 AM

Originally Posted by The Muse

. The kicker is he bought it because it was "on display". Have I taught this man nothing?

Maybe he thought it was a loss leader?

Did I just say that?... I think this is a giant conspiracy of the women of FV. Trying to get us men to change our ways and do all the shopping.

**Greebo** · 08-06-2008, 09:21 AM

Originally Posted by rcannon

Maybe he thought it was a loss leader?

Did I just say that?... I think this is a giant conspiracy of the women of FV. Trying to get us men to change our ways and do all the shopping.

Hey hey hey!!! Do I need to revoke your mens club membership???

Sports! Cars! Beer! Babes!!! Lets get back to basics, Russ!!

**tkn4lif** · 08-06-2008, 01:46 PM

I mentioned to him last night that we needed to meet and discuss a budget. He said "why" and then went on a tangent how he wanted a ATV (Four wheeler) that cost 7K! I said no way not right now. I am trying to get us out of credit card debt!
Then he says hes never going to get what he wants. How childish is that? Grow up!

**Buckeye5** · 08-06-2008, 04:47 PM

Don't give up on him yet, it may take awhile. I strongly suggest you writing down your income and your disbursements every month and what you owe, like a budget, and show him. Ask him...can you afford a $7k ATV???????? He is the way my Dh used to be ...I call it cowardly. It is easy to be p*^%$ off at you, (like it is your fault that you cannot afford the ATV) I hated when my DH did this..but the tide has changed. Hang in there, and show him facts in black and white..does he think you are a miracle worker and can make debt disappear??