DH may finally be on board *update*

**ansley** · 11-18-2010, 06:34 PM

He always starts out with I need something else but it always changes to what he wants before he does it. The last time he came homw with a surprize truck I told him the dc and I would leave if he did it again. We'll see if he makes me prove it.

As to him feeling bad and buying something. He gets almost 1.5 of my paychecks in blow money a month + 1.5 for his truck. The rest goes for daycare and my car gas. I have nothing more to give.

Now don't get me wrong, he would say okay to me buying a brand new car if I wanted it. He just doesn't think about how we will pay for it.

I have been following DR for 9yrs. Don't know what other example I can be. I do splurge $20 a month on dd's dance.

**erinalexmom** · 11-21-2010, 06:11 AM

Ansley, So sorry! I also get frustrated with my dh about just not understanding or caring how his immature actions affect me and the children.....I have been to the point of leaving him several times. I actually just told my mom yesterday that I am giving him 6 months to get a job and if not I am leaving him. I cant let him drag my kids and myself down with him.

**ansley** · 02-08-2011, 08:16 PM

We should have dh's truck paid off in april. Dh started test driving cars. I guess I need to start test driving gov help and apartments.

**krbshappy71** · 02-08-2011, 09:05 PM

Originally Posted by ansley

He always starts out with I need something else but it always changes to what he wants before he does it. The last time he came homw with a surprize truck I told him the dc and I would leave if he did it again. We'll see if he makes me prove it.

As to him feeling bad and buying something. He gets almost 1.5 of my paychecks in blow money a month + 1.5 for his truck. The rest goes for daycare and my car gas. I have nothing more to give.

Now don't get me wrong, he would say okay to me buying a brand new car if I wanted it. He just doesn't think about how we will pay for it.

I have been following DR for 9yrs. Don't know what other example I can be. I do splurge $20 a month on dd's dance.

Doesn't sound good. I hope he doesn't make you prove it, do you have a plan in case he does? Family you can go to? Empty threats wont solve this but if you are serious and leave it may be the wake up call he needs to knock it off. To see that you are serious about this path.

Is there any way you can sit down with him and explain again that this is not the answer to restlessness? It really sounds like he gets itchy feet. No car will fix that, no amount of blow money will fix that. Some people buy shoes, shoes wont fix it either. Maybe you two can talk about it and he can see that he has a pattern of the car purchases that makes you feel unheard, lied to, tricked, etc. Best wishes.

**ansley** · 02-09-2011, 12:24 PM

It has been 9yrs. I'm tired of talking and him agreeing and then doing what he wants anyway. I'm not going to do anything until he actually comes home with something else. I am checking into my options so I will be ready when it happens.

No family here. I would have to quit my job and move for them to help. That is why I would need the gov help.

**Jessesbride** · 04-16-2011, 05:42 PM

Originally Posted by ansley

It has been 9yrs. I'm tired of talking and him agreeing and then doing what he wants anyway. I'm not going to do anything until he actually comes home with something else. I am checking into my options so I will be ready when it happens.

No family here. I would have to quit my job and move for them to help. That is why I would need the gov help.

take back your whole paycheck from his spend money & put that $$$ to better use... save it in case you need it if you have to leave! I'm sorry you are going thru this!

Kim

**bkarger** · 06-17-2011, 11:15 AM

Excellent. What I find is just show the RESULTS. And show the benefits that HE can have w/ the lifestyle -- such as addl free items etc. Once they see the benefits esp. physical benefits such as free goods, they're often hooked. Good luck.

Originally Posted by ansley

It has been 8mos and DH has had one uhoh moment. That is actually really good for him. He is cutting down on smoking and has tried to sell a few things. He picked up a side job and gave me a little blow money. He also did a side job in exchange for a much needed dog pen.

He has been content to let me handle the spreadsheet and go over it with him about 2x a month. The more 0 balances I am able to show him on the debt snowball the more into this he seems to get. I do worry about how he will do when we get to the larger balances but I have about 1yr until I get to that bridge.

A good side affect is that my shed and house are slowly being decluttered. We are finding way more to trash than to sell but it still feels good to get something accomplished.

**mauimagic** · 06-18-2011, 02:43 AM

Ansley - would love to know how things are going for you now. My DH is finally getting on board - it's been such a slow process. Thinking about you - please post when you can!!

**arnie** · 09-16-2011, 06:56 AM

I have been in the same boat. Hubby lets me pay all the bills, and I handle all the finances. I have paid off a good chunk and try to keep expenses down. But he always winds up wanting a new toy of some type. He has two motorcycles, one we ride together, and a commuter bike for work. He wants to trade the smaller bike for one slightly bigger. He would need to come up with about 1500 bucks to do so. He even went as far as posting the bike on craigslist.I finally told him "No". This is a want and not a need. There are things we " need" to do to the house, new carpet, new gutters that the money could be better spent on. He finally retreated.

**ansley** · 09-22-2011, 03:13 PM

mauimagic, thanks for thinking about me.

No new auto yet but he is still trying to get me to agree to it. We have looked at a few.

We are debt free except the house. If we include all the sinking funds and what I have in the FFEF we have 3mo EF saved.

After 10 long years I have finally restarted my 401K but only at 5% with a 3% co match (max).

The house still needs some major work. We fixed the large hole under the bathtub. Now we have 2 small (quarter sized) holes in an exterior wall where water leaked in around a window sill, that was "fixed" before we bought the house.

Somehow the old truck payment gets eaten up. The first month it was our 10yr ann, then it was mother's day and it went on from there. I have got to get back on track.