How do you keep your spouse....

**Liane** · 05-02-2010, 11:58 AM

I am fortunate that my husband is a saver. I used to spend some but not out of control. Now I don't spend money on much at all. We talk about things that are other than bills. With our tax return we gave some of the child tax credit to my daughter for getting on the honor society, made a double car payment and the rest is for a vacation this Summer. Don't ever feel bad for being a stay at home Mom. You are just as valuable as your husband. Have you seen how much SAHM should be paid? You are a cook, nanny, housekeeper, personal assistant, chauffer, mail clerk, personal shopper and escort. How many hats does he wear? Never devalue yourself.

**baxjul** · 05-03-2010, 01:31 PM

I told him this weekend how much the bills are, and how much we pay. I still don't think he gets it. With his pay, and that is with overtime, we are just making it. We only have one truck, and can't really do without that. We have 2 credit cards, but don't really use them. It costs a bunch in gas money, to go back and forth to work weekly.

**jas** · 05-03-2010, 01:59 PM

We do the allowance type style. He get a certain amount every month for whatever. This does include his gas money. He can spend anyway he wants. Dh is way more stingy with "his" money.

Now with mine I still have to fund whatever dd wants to do like the movies ect. Dh would just say no to her.

**Mom23boys** · 05-03-2010, 06:39 PM

DH and I discuss our bills and budget so he knows exactly what he can and can not spend on 'wants'. If we need it, that is different, but a want must wait.

**Greebo** · 05-04-2010, 09:18 AM

Originally Posted by baxjul

I told him this weekend how much the bills are, and how much we pay. I still don't think he gets it.

This is a start, but this is not how you get on the same page.

You need a mutual understanding and agreement, not you simply listing the bills and determining what can and can't be spent.

You need to get him to look at the budget *with* you - not be told *by* you what the budget will be. If he has no vote, he'll rebel.

You need to sit down together and, ON PAPER, agree to a certain spending amount each month, and no more. Then you spit shake and pinky swear on it with the understanding that if EITHER of you breaks the budget, it's the same as lying to your spouse.

**mndtrp** · 05-04-2010, 11:54 PM

What Greebo said.

When I did this with my future wife, I made her write down what the bills were, everything that was necessary to pay out through the month. I then had her subtract that from what we made for the month. That seemed to help her to understand, and then we were able to set up a reasonable budget together.

Being told doesn't help sometimes. Sometimes, both parties need to be involved. This seems like one of those times.