How do you keep your spouse....

**baxjul** · 04-29-2010, 04:27 PM

from wanting to spend money all the time? If it isn't motorcycle parts, it's something else. I hardly buy anything at all for myself, but it seems like he spends a fortune. I need ideas.

**Ceashels** · 04-29-2010, 04:49 PM

Will an "allowance" work? You each get the same amount each week or each pay day (Greebo and I call it blow money) and that is what he and you are allowed for those extra items... no questions asked.

I'm not a big spender so I tend to save up my money for bigger things.

**baxjul** · 04-29-2010, 04:52 PM

I don't know if that would work. I usually give him some cash, to have on hand. He just likes to spend money on motorcycles, etc. I don't mind, but he always picks the week that we don't have any extra money.

**Ceashels** · 04-29-2010, 04:57 PM

Can the two of you agree on the Motorcycle fund? Or is there something that you can't afford because he spent it on parts...

like dinner? Are there things that will get missed because of his spending?

But it is important that you don't feel left behind or resentful because you don't get to have purchases for yourself.

On Till Debt Do Us Part, there are so many people that spend in as a passive/aggressive behavior because they are angry. You don't want that resentment to build into such detrimental behaviors.

**baxjul** · 04-29-2010, 05:08 PM

We don't really miss anything, as much as just don't have enough left over after the bills and groceries. It sometimes makes things a little tight.

It doesn't help that I don't work, and feel like I don't have the right to buy things for myself.

**Suprise** · 04-29-2010, 07:42 PM

I'm in the same position. My husband doesn't spend much but he always wants something new. I started a jar for him where I put his overtime money. But then he finds something he wants at a great deal and I can't say no since the item will be more expenssive later. So I usually give him more money but then before I get to buy something that I need (a bras for exemple) he wants something else. I'm a SAHM so I feel like I shouldn't spend too much money on myself either. I told him that I never have a chance to buy myself anything and he told me to buy whatever I want before he does. Umm with what money? You just spent our spending money! Husbands

**hollyhill** · 04-29-2010, 08:01 PM

Ditto!
Dh always has something he "needs" or "wants" and usually he is good about waiting and saving for it, but sometimes he gets mad and starts lashing out the kids for costing "TOO MUCH" or me for not working... This usually happens when he is overworked and stressed, and tired. He gets irrational. Even though during his rational moment we have mutual goals for ourselves and our children....

But then he gets frustrated and those times can get so expensive...

My only solution is to make sure he gets enough sleep... LOL.

**baxjul** · 04-29-2010, 09:27 PM

Yes, mine is like that also. And he has been working almost 60 hours/week, so he is tired. And of course, I "get" to stay home all day.

**Greebo** · 04-30-2010, 09:37 AM

It starts with both of you, regularly, sitting down and drawing up a plan for the use of your money that you both pinky swear and spit shake to stick to.

**Contrary Housewife** · 04-30-2010, 10:35 AM

You guys need to talk about money, how much there is and where it's going, and what the plans for the future are.

I have met men who have a psychological need to blow money at the drop of a hat, because having a budget makes them "feel" poor, and being poor is a sign of personal failure. You have to get them to want to save up for things and plan ahead.

They also have to learn the consequences of unbalancing the household budget for toys. If you have a spending money/entertainment/fun stuff category then what he spends comes out of that and make sure he knows that's why you're not going to the movies or eating out this month, because he spent it. Likewise, if there is a vacation fund, you put in $x less because he bought motorcycle parts with it and your trip just got pushed back 3 months. Because if you just keep adjusting the household budget to cover for him he's just going to keep spending. He's not losing anything by doing this, you are.

If there's no vacation/fun money fund you can hit him other places, like give him a weeks worth of bologna sandwiches at lunch or start serving beans for dinner. Or threaten to have the sports channel package cut. You'll know his weak point better than I, but he has got to start feeling the hit when he spends.

**hollyhill** · 04-30-2010, 03:04 PM

Originally Posted by baxjul

Yes, mine is like that also. And he has been working almost 60 hours/week, so he is tired. And of course, I "get" to stay home all day.

Stay home and "Do what ever you want" right???

I love it when I am away with a child somewhere for a weekend or more. I am SO APPRECIATED when I return. And he says things like.... I don't know how you get ANYTHING done, because the children take so much time... LOL.

**hollyhill** · 04-30-2010, 03:08 PM

Originally Posted by Contrary Housewife

You guys need to talk about money, how much there is and where it's going, and what the plans for the future are.

I have met men who have a psychological need to blow money at the drop of a hat, because having a budget makes them "feel" poor, and being poor is a sign of personal failure. You have to get them to want to save up for things and plan ahead.

YES!
And he will say things... like "so and so" doesn't have to worry and can just go and buy "this or that"... I point out his friend may be in debt up to his eyeballs.. but Dh figures everyone else has the perfect financial situation with a huge retirement fund to boot... uhhh... I said he should try and find out, he would be very surprised.

Even those with dual incomes are in massive debt. Often, Exhausted wives spend just as much as their exhausted husbands!

**Russ** · 04-30-2010, 03:14 PM

My wife is like that. She sees massive houses, toys like big boats, jet skis etc etc and asks "how can they afford that and we can't?"
Well we can, if we take out more credit and quit saving for retirement.

**Siebrie** · 05-02-2010, 07:02 AM

Dh will spend this blow money twice without realizing it. For instance, we have agreed on not spending any extra money this month, other than the trip to my parents in a fortnight. He just announced that he may go salsa dancing tonight, in a neighbouring town! Gas costs around 10 euro, entrance fee, wardrobe, drinks around 10 euro.

We have 25 euro blow money each per month.....

**Nada.Leona** · 05-02-2010, 09:16 AM

DH is better at this than I am. He dreams big for big things, like he wants to get a bigger TV or a new Mac, but he never goes out and buys it without planning for it ahead of time. I on the other hand, procrastinate until I need something NOW and then it gets expensive.

He does, however, get the "poor me's" and will feel bad about what he does and doesn't have. It bothers him thah'se 36 and just starting out in his career