Don't Worry-It's All Good "NOT"

**Ejagno** · 11-12-2010, 12:49 AM

After 30 years of doing it all (running our business, bookkeeping, ALL household, raising 3 sons, putting them through college, 3 hurricanes & rebuilding......) I threw up my hands and retired. I closed the businesses the day the last child left for college and went to work a normal full time job instead of the self employed 24/7/365. I also told DH it was his turn to take care of the household bills and all of the outside mowing and 1/2 of the housework. i do the gardens and the main part of the house chores. It was working out okay until I realized that he wasn't paying the bills on the due dates but waiting the grace period and paying less than the amounts due. For the life of me I cannot make him understand that when a due date is specified that means the bill is due then, not 10 days later during the grace period or it will show up as "slow payments" on your credit. I made up my mind that this is one area that I really need to take care of or we'll be retiring at 90 in debt.

Oh my, I had no idea how much one year could set us back 5 years. Just one example is a note we have. I saw where he was paying it every month. I pulled the loan papers and the amount he was paying was incorrect. It was short $2.76 every month. We'll this resulted in a late payment every month because the amount due was not being paid in full. This late fee alone was almost $30 month. Another method he'd been using was waiting for a disconnection notice and paying the past due amount only so essentially all of our utilities are in arrears one month.

To compound an already dire situation I shattered my knee at work and workers comp is much less than my normal salary. Right when I thought things couldn't get worse DH was laid off. It took the State right at 4 months to process his claim and issue his first check. As fate would have it, he returned to work the week after getting his first unemployment check. I was able to return to work this week but only part time which is even less money than I was recieving on workers compensation.

Okay, so we've gone through every penny of our emergency funds and I've spent the past week gathering bills, making spreadsheets and beating my head against the keyboard trying to figure out how to make the end meet each month and get back on track. I finally came up with a plan that would keep us out of the red as long as we sacrificed and neither of us did not spend anything extra for 2 months.
After that there would be a very limited amount of play money as most of it would be forwarded to rebuilding the emergency fund then debt reduction.

He comes home this afternoon so proud of himself. He bidded on a Duck's Unlimited tricycle for the grandbabies. We already have one. There went $75 we didn't have. I tried again to explain to him that we need every single penny this month and next to pay bills.

His response was, "It's alright. I get paid tomorrow. I've been taking care of the bills. Don't worry."

I want to just shake some sense into him right now. I can't do this alone. His check is direct deposited into his account so if he doesn't follow the plan exactly then it's all for nothing. I don't know how to handle this or what to do.

**Palooka** · 11-12-2010, 01:05 AM

You both have separate accounts?

**Ejagno** · 11-12-2010, 01:56 AM

Originally Posted by Palooka

You both have separate accounts?

Yes we do. I had a real problem with him not writing down checks he'd written and the advent of the debit card compounded that problem. I have to know what's deposited, what's debited and what my balance is. As long as we shared a joint account this was a great source of stress every single day. His bank is local and mine is a national bank. This was a lifesaver when hurricane evacuations left me hundreds of miles from home for weeks on end and local banks were destroyed or heavily damaged. However, dealing with a local bank is a much more personal experience and always a good business practice in your community. All of our loans and such are through the local bank.

**Siebrie** · 11-12-2010, 06:37 AM

Is it possible to set up a transfer from his to your account the same day his pay is deposited? That will only leave his play and gas money in his account.

**Greebo** · 11-12-2010, 06:57 AM

Sounds like you've got bigger problems than money. You've got a communication and accountability problem.

**MaryCarney** · 11-12-2010, 07:24 AM

Originally Posted by Greebo

Sounds like you've got bigger problems than money. You've got a communication and accountability problem.

You need to find an FPU class to attend WITH DH - ASAP

**mndtrp** · 11-14-2010, 05:48 PM

Originally Posted by Greebo

Sounds like you've got bigger problems than money. You've got a communication and accountability problem.

Most definitely. My wife and I go through our finances each month. It's not usually much fun, but it keeps us on the same page.

**Ejagno** · 11-16-2010, 04:34 PM

Originally Posted by Siebrie

Is it possible to set up a transfer from his to your account the same day his pay is deposited? That will only leave his play and gas money in his account.

Thank you for offering suggestions. I am quite aware of the problems already. You are the only one that offered some possible solutions instead of diagnosing what condition may have caused this. I followed your recommendation and put everything on automatic draft beginning next month. I discussed this with him and told him what I was doing. I think he was somewhat relieved to not have to worry about the bills and excited about having specific control over his playmoney without worrying that it was going to affect the bills.

I'm almost finished working on the debt reduction charts, excel, and it shows him exactly how quickly we can not only be debt free but completely pay off our home in 6 years instead of 23 if we follow this plan. I arranged it so that our home will be paid off on his birthday. What gives him even more incentive is that many of these are drafted from his account so as they are paid off in 6 years 75% of his check will be his. I didn't set it up so frugal that it took every single penny of disposable income and we live on beans during this time. For example, I've left it up to him on whether he spends or keeps his Christmas bonuses. He gets a considerable annual bonus and he gets to keep half and appy half to the debt, or apply all to the debt if he chooses. I set up a Freedom account with several sub-accounts for vehicles, health, events, vacation and household. The deposits for this account is treated as a monthly expense. I also set up an e-living fund which is 3 months of current expenses so that in a true emergency, whereby we have no income, we can live without noticing it for at least 3 months. It is also treated as a monthly expense that has to be paid without waiver.

So, again, thank you. It was exactly the solution I was seeking. I feel silly for having overlooked the obvious and simplicity of it.

**Siebrie** · 11-17-2010, 04:38 AM

That's why this forum is so great! Sometimes you don't see the wood for the trees, and a small remark may set you right. I'm glad I could help. You took it much further than I ever imagined. Well done!