Getting partner on board???
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  1. #1
    Registered User mombottoo's Avatar
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    Question Getting partner on board???

    Did any of you have trouble getting your partner/spouse on board when it came to using your money wisely? My hubby is the one who stated "I don't think we use our money wisely", I agreed changes needed to be made and have started making the changes take form on my end. He, however, is still spending like there is no tomorrow and it is frustrating.

    I feel like it's "me" he doesn't want spending money, but "he" can in anyway that "he" wants.

    I took over the bills, etc. over 30 years ago due to his inability to handle the family finances. We have never ever had our utilities shutoff, been late on a house payment (when we had them), went hungry or had to do without things that we have needed/wanted since I took over. Now, all of the sudden he seems to be questioning (worse than he did when he was working) my capabilities which is infuriating to say the least. He has always had "his" money, but I have never had any money that I would have considered just mine. He worked and I was a SAHM and over the years I came to feel less entitled to the money I suppose than him, because I didn't work for a paycheck (do you know what I mean?).

    Even when I have managed to earn or win money, I always put all of it into the household money. How can I make him understand that his attitude of expecting me to be "more frugal" with money is out of place if he isn't willing to get on the bandwagon too?

  2. #2
    Moderator Ceashels's Avatar
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    Have you told him what you just told us?

    Some men just don't get it unless it is laid out infront of them. Perhaps that is what you need to do.

  3. #3
    Registered User mombottoo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ceashels View Post
    Have you told him what you just told us?

    Some men just don't get it unless it is laid out infront of them. Perhaps that is what you need to do.
    Yes, I have told him...quite a few times actually throughout the years. Guess I will have to try a different approach.

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    Registered User cissylu's Avatar
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    I hope you get him on the band wagon.
    I hope thing`s go better. It`s not right you doing all the frugal and him none.

  5. #5
    Registered User shortstack's Avatar
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    My husband thinks its awesome all of the great deals I get and even better that if we stick with my plan our house will be paid off before we are out of our 30s. However.... He is still spending $300 a month just on lunch for him through the work week!
    So if you can find some way to get your dh on board please lmk.

    Andrea

  6. #6
    Registered User TheRootedNomad's Avatar
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    My DH too is the guy who suggested to knock out the debt, follow the "Ramsey" road. Me, I was, always thrifty. I grew up school shopping at blue light specials and the thrift stores. Soda was a special occassion drink. DH did not grow up like this, and so he's with the idea, and actually really good about big ticket items, when it comes to the little things (that DO add up) ...well....forgeheaduhboutid!!!! Easy $600 a year in soda alone, then there's the thousand plus for cable, lunch out every work day, meat and potatoes only, and so on. Some days I'm glad he's on board with the bigger items and don't worry about the smaller ones but there are other days I think "if he'd just give on...anyway I understand the frustration.

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    Registered User mombottoo's Avatar
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    I think some men (maybe the majority, who knows) are just clueless. The thing that bothered me the most was that he was one who said, "I don't think we are spending our money wisely"...me, I thought WTF! We own our house, we've never been evicted, never were late on our payments for anything and always had (& still do) plenty of food, money set aside to live on when we get older, ect...so I guess maybe I took it a bit personal...since I am the one who handles the household finances.

    Thing is just the other day, he went out and bought me four scratch off lottery tickets to the tune of $5 each!!! I don't even play the lottery for cripes sake...any how out of the 4 one was a $15 winner...so he's down by $20 and I am up by $15...I'm putting the $15 in my rainy day jar. I know he did it to be nice, but I would have been happier if he would have just handed me the $20...

    I think if I ever figure men out I'm going to get my own talk show!

  8. #8
    Registered User PrairieRose's Avatar
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    Maybe you could both sit down together and go over the monthly bills and income and work out a 'budget'. If he got involved that way he might be more interested in how it's going overall instead of just thinking that you need to be more frugal instead of both of you working on it. If you do that together and work out your own 'mad money' (when it's gone, it's gone), that might make him more willing to limit his spending as well. Some men just take a long time to get on board, but stay with it....he'll come around.

    ~48 yr. old sahw, livin' it up in our empty nest, smack dab in the middle of everywhere.~

    *We're debt freeeeeeeee! (including the house)*



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    Registered User M55FF's Avatar
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    I was single for 30 years after a mistake of a marriage at 17 to a abusive man. In the 30 years I was single many men asked me to get married but I didn't because we didn't match in lifestyle and values. I dated but never married, even lived with a few but it turned out that lifestyle and values did not match.

    After awhile I gave up on the whole thing and then a man came out of nowhere and surprised me as to how much we matched on our values...
    and not just basing the whole relationship on physical attraction.

    I didn't think I'd ever marry but I did... because I met someone who was on my wavelength.

    I know how it is in other relationships with someone not on your wavelength because I've been there...
    if only short term... I knew it wasn't for me.
    All I can say is keep seperate money because you may be needing it someday...

    I just cringe at some of the men I met in my life with all kinds of crazy ideas on life together... ugh.
    It's no wonder some men disappeared without a trace and women had such lovely flowerbeds

  10. #10
    Registered User mombottoo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by M55FF View Post
    ...I know how it is in other relationships with someone not on your wavelength because I've been there...
    if only short term... I knew it wasn't for me......All I can say is keep seperate money because you may be needing it someday......It's no wonder some men disappeared without a trace and women had such lovely flowerbeds
    I do know what you mean, because I know plenty of people in the types of relationships you described. But, for the most part we are on the same page and we want pretty much the same things out of life. We've been married almost 32 years and came very close to divorce very early in our marriage...2 weeks away from being final. The only way he is getting out of this relationship is if he ends up in one of those flowerbeds you mentioned !

  11. #11
    Registered User bclements514's Avatar
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    I started hardcore with our budgeting the begining of Jan. Here it is March and he is just now catching on. Good Luck!!!!

  12. #12
    Registered User cmdarlin's Avatar
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    I've been suffering from the same problem.... A spouse without a clue. I told him yesterday that we REALLY had to make cuts to the budget while I'm not working. He made the comment 'where else are 'we' gonna cut?'.

    When I met him, he couldn't balance his check book and was constantly overdrawn. He thinks just because there's money in the checking account he can go buy that tool, etc. He doesn't think about the mortgage payment, utilities that need to be paid. Its so very fustrating!

    Fustrated Debbie in Missouri

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    Registered User forHISglory's Avatar
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    My hubby is a sweetheart who doesn't see money flow unless I write it down for him in BIG letters! And actually, that is what I did. We recorded every cent that went out, and I set him down with the calculator to add up the figures. He was astounded. I also helped him put purchases into categories, so that he could see the amount that was adding up for blow money, etc.

    I can't complain too much; he's not a big spender. It's just that I am a much littler spender!
    Spiritual:
    "You are fearfully and wonderfully made." Please... respect life.

    Financial:
    Debt free, hoping to stay that way!


    MY BLOG: glorybug.wordpress.com


    1. Keep on writing.
    2. Get some balance in my life.
    3. Lose weight. Hopefully 20# this year.
    4. Continue to be looking for how God wants to use me this year.


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