Help! My husband is unhealthy. Beware, TMI...

[itsahumanzoo]

Okay, I feel like my husband is extremely unhealthy, and he's not doing anything about it. I've sat there and let this happen, and I've probably helped it happen as well. He is only 27 years old, he should be in much better shape.

First, he started gaining weight. It started when I was pregnant with our DS, and I never thought twice because people gain weight, and I'm not exactly skinny either. Then came the back pain. And it's constant, in the shoulders, the back, and down his legs as well. He tells me that it's hard for him to sit at his desk at work because it hurts the back of his leg. My guess was a sciatica, but he won't go to the doctor. Then headaches started happening, and chest pain. He did go to the doctor, the headaches were diagnosed as tension headaches and he was given medication. The chest pain, he was told was muscles. He is also tired ALL THE TIME. No matter how much he sleeps. Always tired. He tells me he wants to get more exercise for energy, but then he doesn't do it.

Now come the last straw. (And here's where it gets to be a little TMI, so beware!!!) He now has hemorrhoids. Or maybe just one. I don't know, he won't see a doctor! He has cream for it, which is helping. But that is not a cure. This is where I draw the line. His body is sick, and it's crying out for help in every which way possible.

I think it's time for a health intervention! When I was on weight watchers, I really tried to get him involved. He absolutely hates "diet food." He wants burgers, fries, fatty burritos, etc. He hates when I sub turkey meat for beef. He loathes tofu. No spinach, asparagus, squash, zucchini, etc. I'm at the end of my rope. I can't stand back and watch him turn into a sick old man. Like I said, he's only 27 years old! I need help.

[joyofsix]

You can be encouraging BUT you can't make him. My dh is 48 but seems much older. While I watch exercise and diet he does not and he has the curse of bad genes on top of it. I wish I had a miracle piece of advice. Maybe someone else will.

[Frugal Nurse]

Be the model of health.

He will follow when he's ready and not a moment sooner.

[ladykemma2]

sounds like thyroid to me...

[Persimmon Lace]

As for the hemorrhoids, my husband had them at 19, he was thin and in shape. It was a lack of fiber and being in too much of a hurry. He found a doctor at the age of 40 who pretty much cleared them up for him.

[MerMcE]

I agree, all you can do is model. BUT, I would model it with a great attitude (no complaining about being hungry or having to exersize) and don't mention you're changing your ways. This will only get his defenses up!

I would also slowly start SUBSTITUTING the junk food in the house with some healthier snacks. I wouldn't do anything drastic (replacing chips with carrots). I would try getting the low-fat chips and putting them in a plastic jar so he doesn't see the package. Chances are he won't notice the difference. Stick a bowl of fruit on the table.

When you cook supper, change how you cook (saute instead of fry, use olive oil instead of butter, etc.) and have healthier meals that are still hearty and full of flavor. BUT DON'T MENTION ANY OF THIS TO HIM. Just do it.

Get him out of the house. Get exersize under disguise (going to a baseball games requires walking up bleachers, taking the kids to the zoo is a lot of walking, send him outside to play with your son, etc.)

Good luck to both of you!

[Ceashels]

I'm finding that there is no such thing as "diet food" anymore. My girlfriend "diets" and when she has lost the weight she eats in her habitual style and the weight goes back on. She isn't changing her lifestyle, just "sacrificing" all the bad things for a short time.

Greebo and I are doing the southbeach diet and it seems to be an easier nutritional plan to follow. Especially for meat lovers. We are eating leaner cuts of beef, more chicken and I combine ground meats (beef and turkey) to help keep the flavor similar but decrease the red meat consumption. I've also changed recipes to ones that have more seasoning to help the changes go .......... less noticed.

I use oatmeal instead of bread or crackers in my meatloaf and make sure there are extra sauteed onions, celery and carrots mixed in there for added flavor and veggies. We use whole grain whole wheat pitas and tortillas instead of white breads.

Just cutting out the sugars and refined wheat products has done wonders for us. We don't have the sugar highs and lows and our snacks are now a protein and a fruit/veggie. Dried fruits are now a staple as are nuts and seeds.

If you can get him to change the bread from white to whole grain and change the french fries to a baked sweet potato or other veggie that he likes he might be surprised to see some of the pounds go away and some of the pain and it might be an incentive to make more "small changes."

It isn't easy to help someone want to change their eating behaviors. Food is such a comfort, social and soul satisfying thing to some people (Me especially.) He will change when he is ready, like Frugal Nurse said. Modeling and encouragement is the way to go. Nagging will cause resentment and that will never help a situation.

[daughter of pearl]

Someone mentioned thyroid, and if it is thyroid, there may be some depression in the mix (they are connected) which is affecting his motivation...of course, this is all speculation since he hasn't been seen by a doctor...good luck!

[stinkbug]

I am fortunate...my dh is 46 and a hottie BUT....we follow the WW eating guidelines. This means no junk/empty calorie food. Tons of fresh fruits and veggies and very little red meat. Dh is a huge carnivore and cookie monster, and he has lost 13 pounds (6' 183) without really trying. We just eat healthier and go for walks in the evenings together.
I never have mentioned anything to him, he just eats what I fix and has occasional snacks....and he travels a lot for work. Eating out is hard for him, so we try and keep it healthy at
home. He's addicted to the fruit smoothies I concoct out of yogurt, frozen fruit and juice/milk.
I know you are concerned for him, so start with overall healthier choices and maybe walking or biking in the evenings. It's not going to happen overnight.....and he is a grown up and needs to make some choices for himself. You can lead a horse to water...and all that.....

[Edna_E]

Try a multi-faceted approach. Introduce fiber where you can without his objecting to it - put veggies in the meatloaf, add flax seeds to the muffins or oatmeal, etc. If he will not eat fruits and veggies, lack of fiber is likely to cause problems. Lack of water can contribute to that also, so try to get him to drink water. I cut a deal with myself years ago that I have to drink water with lunch and dinner - that was enough to put a stop to chronic kidney infections in my case. I now drink a lot more of it, and feel alot better in other ways too. See if he will drink Citrucel on a daily basis - my sister's surgeon (due to lack of fiber and failure to eliminate properly for decades) told her he'd lose 75% of his business if everyone who didn't have daily BMs would take Citrucel. And regarding exercise, try to think of things to suggest that are tempting to do without thinking of them as exercise - go for a walk in the park, throw a football between the two of you, dance to the radio, whatever works for the two of you (and note the recurrent theme of "two of you" because he may find it more tempting to do something with you than by himself). Good luck to you, and I sympathize with your frustration.

[emily_hope]

Some folks are just stubborn when it comes to seeing a doctor. I know, I am one of them LOL! I think like some of the others have said... Be the model and hopefully he will follow. (((HUGS))) and good luck.

[PrairieRose]

I have to say....from 25 yrs. of being fat and unhealthy...if you try to have a 'weight intervention' you'll only prolong his mindset. This is exactly like quitting smoking. You have to want to do it yourself, for yourself. Noone can make you want to do it. It's a personal decision. Also from my perspective......when Gripey got determined to live a healthier lifestyle it made me want to as well (well after a little bit of kicking and screaming and complaining). But when he started to lose weight and feel better I thought 'dang! I'm not going to let him get all fit and hunky without me!'. I'd say, 'be the change you want to see in him, live better, feel better and it will probably be contagious'

[Jamauk]

I'm with everyone on modeling the behavior you'd like to see in him. Also, sneaking in some healthier options is not a bad idea.

How about going for family strolls in the evenings? That is a nice non-intimidating introduction to exercise.

[itsahumanzoo]

Thanks everyone for all the advice! At dinner last night I casually mentioned that I *we* should try to be more healthy. I didn't accuse him of being lazy or unhealthy, I just suggested it for both of us. DH agreed with me, and told me that's why he wants to get a bicycle to ride to work. That's a step in the right direction. Money is tight, so it's definitely hard for me to buy healthy foods, but I do buy a lot of fresh veggies. I don't buy chips very often or anything like that. We just eat a lot of rice and pasta. I will start trying to buy whole wheat pasta and brown rice, those are little changes I can make that I know he will not fight me on.

Thanks again!

[PrairieRose]

Wtg.... My mamma always said that where a man is concerned especially you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar.....Good job. Now, fix a taco salad every now and then and he won't have a clue it's good for him