nursing homes (kinda long, sorry)

**pop goes the weasel** · 09-22-2008, 11:41 AM

My dd and dsil are power of attorney over his father.Theproblem they are havingis he isn't able to take care of himself. He doesn't eat, isn't suppose to drive but does, can barely walk, and has fallen and has alienated all the family to the point that they won't even visit.He has a horrid temper and makes sure he shows it to every one but the doctor. He told all the home nurses to get the "h" out that he didn't need them so they had to leave.He had my poor dd so upset that we thought she was gong tohave a breakdown and it takes alot to get her upset. Along with everything else he lost all the medical supplies and equiptment that he needs because medicare won't cover it since he had the nurses leave. Her question, and she isn't being rude. is how does she go about having him put in a nursing home where he can get the help he needs? He was in one after the last hospital visit and he really liked it.they live next door but both work 40+ hours a week and the father doesn't want them down there unless he needs help with something.They tried taking the keys to the car and he said he was going to get another car. (He can hardlly make ends meet let alone buy a car.) but he doesn't care he'll just write a check which will come back on my dd. I know it sounds like they don't care but he won't let them do anything and all he does is argue with them. any suggestions would be greatly apperciated.TIA

**elphie** · 09-22-2008, 12:50 PM

I worked as a CNA in two different nursing homes while I was in college. The best thing to do is to actually go out and visit area nursing homes. They need to visit more than once at different times of day. Talk to the aides, not just the nurses or administrators, these girls are the ones who have the most direct contact with the residents and their attitude and helpfulness will give them a better idea of the quality of daily care he will receive. Once he has moved in it will be important for them to visit him on a regular basis and continue talking with these girls. The people who receive the best care in these facilities are the ones whose families are present establish a relationship with the staff; its not right but this is the way it is. They don't have to be long visits but often and regular.

It is important to know that nursing homes have strict guidelines as to what they can force a resident to do; they can refuse baths, meds, and meals. The best aides will try to be persuasive and talk them into these things but the lazy ones will say okay and chalk it up as one less thing they have to do. I wish your dd and sil luck in this difficult transisition.

**MoonMommy** · 09-22-2008, 01:11 PM

Is there a Hospice organization near you? You could call them and ask their advice. Also, you could call an attorney and ask about his rights, etc. Is there any kind of Department for Senior Affairs near you (or anything that sounds similar). If there is, you could call them and ask what the options are.

**pop goes the weasel** · 09-23-2008, 10:46 AM

Thanks for the info. I toldher since she has power of attorney to talk to a lawyer but tocallhis dr. first and let them know he's driving when he isn't suppose to and falling. Even though they will take his license he won't stop driving but maybe geting stiopped by a cop will help. We dont have any hopice around here. The closest is around 2 hours away. If I'm thinking right they will have to have him evaluted by s dr. to see if he is unfit to take care of himself but he puts on a really good act as do alot of the older folks that think they can take care of themselves. They just want him to be taken care of so he doesn't hurt himself or someones else.My mil worked at a nursing home for awhile and she said that there were some that couldn't do anything for themselves but when it came time to see the dr. they could run circles around everyone else until the y left. Thanks again for the info I'll pass it along.

**rainbowgc** · 09-23-2008, 01:49 PM

Since they have POA they can put him there if it is in his best interest which it sounds as if it is.

**pip** · 09-23-2008, 03:21 PM

I think you can call the county social services and explain the situation. They might be able to send someone out to evaluate him. This happened with my aunt and even though it seemed kind of mean, she really was not safe living alone and couldn't make safe living decisons. They ended up in court and she lost her rights. She ended up having Alzheimers and is living in a memory unit now.