Not mind over matter sometimes.

**kittiesmom** · 05-08-2009, 03:24 PM

I have bad emotional eating issues. I'm trying to cope, trying to change my mindset, but I also realize that for me...food is a chemical addiction. It's not just putting the fork down. YOu wouldn't tell a crack addict to just put the crack down or an alcholic to just stop drinking. It doesn't work that way. So my question is...how do you deal with it? I have no support system...my husband loves me dearly, but he can't quite grasp the problem concidering he's 140 pounds soaking wet and can eat anything without gaining. Any tips?

**Michelle** · 05-08-2009, 03:57 PM

I wish I knew, Theresa; I am the same way. No one understands when I tell them what you just wrote.

Just wanted to offer

because I kwym and am dealing with the same thing.

**elphie** · 05-08-2009, 04:41 PM

It can be so hard to know where to begin when you don't have any support IRL. I have found the support here, in the EE forums to be a true healing factor for me. I used food for so long to soothe uncomfortable feelings; anger, sadness, boredom, you name it- if it didn't feel good I would use food to numb it. I would really recommend the book Overcoming Overeating. It really helped me deal with the emotional issues surrounding my relationship with food and put me on the path to overcoming those issues. Hang in there and keep coming back to this space for comfort, support, and encouragement. (((hugs))) to you both.

**LeeCee** · 05-08-2009, 09:50 PM

I also am dealing with the same issues. I also have no support and it's really hard. I am the heaviest I've ever been and feel so disgusting ,ashamed and depressed.my husband also is very thin and doesn't understand or even try to understand.

**elphie** · 05-09-2009, 09:22 AM

For those dealing with body image issues I highly recommend Shapely Prose. Kate Harding and her team are hilarious and promote health at every size and self acceptance at every size. The language is foul, so if that bothers you don't go there... but I love her.

I am learning to love myself in the body that I have. Yes, it is fat and I weigh more than I ever thought I would. But I can also get up and walk down the hall without any problems, I can hug my children, I can do absolutely anything that I could do in a thinner body. Some things are admittedly more difficult but none are impossible. My body has taken care of me even though I haven't taken care of it and for that I am grateful.

QM · 05-09-2009, 10:32 AM

I was talking to someone with a similar sounding food addiction and she told me that she is a part of an online 'Overeaters Anonymous' support group. She loves the support she's getting and has started to lose some weight. I've looked into it and have noticed that every province and state has a group. Maybe that's something worth looking into.

**Luckybustert** · 05-09-2009, 01:38 PM

I struggle with the same issues and I am convinced the only one who can make me change is ME. The first step for me has been to accept personal responsibility for what I put into my body. No one is prying my mouth open and making me take the next bite. The second step for me has been to realize that I can choose to be a victor or a victim. I can complain about my body and watch as it grows larger and I get more uncomfortable and down on myself (I was stuck here for a long time), I can blame it on the food companies and others (I really do believe chemicals in our food supply are responsible for a lot of medical and behavioral issues we see today), or I can even deny to myself that there is a problem (went this route for quite awhile too)....but none of these approaches have been particularly productive or effective for me. I'm finding the best thing I can do for myself is to hold myself accountable for taking care of myself, i.e. eating right and getting enough rest and exercise. To me it's not much different than being addicted to spending and living beyond my means. I have to accept that I can't consume more food than I expend in energy, just as I can't spend more than I have in income. So I guess my approach to dealing with this boils down to personal accountability and whole lot of tough love for myself. May not work for everyone, but so far it's the most effective approach for me. I tend to agree with the original poster than it's not mind over matter sometimes. I think it has to be mind AND behavioral changes over matter.

**pollypurebred39** · 05-09-2009, 06:15 PM

I can not recomend any book more highly than "Eating by the Light of the Moon" As you read you find that her stories weave through your mind and bring forth self knowledge about food that you never realized. I found food break throughs that just blew my mind, especially the fact that after certain breakthroughs my behavior on certain issues just transformed instantly. I found myself knowing the difference between real hunger and emotional hungry, which may seem small, but I just thought I was always hungry after I began eating again after years of anorexia. I suddenly recognized when my stomach had enough food. When I was thristy not hungry, and gosh so much more. Every time I read this book I dive deeper into what keeps my ED alive and it just gets weeded out. This is beyond words for me because I thought I was going to forever live in this HELL. Here's a link about the book.

http://www.dranitajohnston.com/Default.aspx?tabid=178

**kittiesmom** · 05-19-2009, 09:59 PM

Thank you guys so much for the support, it was hard for me to come back to my own post, I guess because I just felt ashamed. Your kind words really helped me. I'm going to look into the wonderful book recommendations. Thank you again!
:hug:

**Michelle** · 05-19-2009, 10:54 PM

Originally Posted by Quiltin' Mama

I was talking to someone with a similar sounding food addiction and she told me that she is a part of an online 'Overeaters Anonymous' support group. She loves the support she's getting and has started to lose some weight. I've looked into it and have noticed that every province and state has a group. Maybe that's something worth looking into.

Here is the link to OA if anyone is interested. I am going to see if there is a meeting near me:

https://www.oa.org/

**kaurand554** · 05-23-2009, 02:22 AM

Thank you for sharing; I am also an emotional eater and eat lots under stress......... gained so much weight!

**Momto2Boyz** · 05-23-2009, 07:59 AM

I think Elphie has an amazing point that kind of was glossed over. You can lose weight and gain weight and go back and forth your whole life...but until you learn to be comfortable in your own skin, your weight will never make a difference. The "fat girl" inside you will always be there, if you don't deal with the issues that are behind the weight gain.

Much easier said than done, I know. I currently have my overeating under control, but for how long, who knows! I tend to go back and forth, when life is good, my weight is good...when life gets crazy, so does my weight.

But I've started dealing with some of the issues I have surrounding food, and letting go of some of these things, have helped me tremendously. For an actual "food addict" and not just someone who is overeating, it's not about what you eat and how much you exercise, and people don't get that. So, it's not just as simple as starting a diet...you need to deal with the root of your issues, and see if you can begin to help yourself.

The biggest problem that I have, is that my overeating issues change over time. So I might solve one emotional problem that is causing me to overeat, then another, like stress or grief, pops up and I feel like I have to start all over again.

Find a good support system, either IRL or online and do what you can...it's all you can do!

**elphie** · 05-23-2009, 08:19 AM

Sarah~ I know what you mean about the issues changing over time and it is absolutely so much easier to deal with food issues when life is good. For me, food was my default setting when something went wrong. I had to find a way to change that and make healthier choices my default- such as actually letting myself feel my uncomfortable feeling, journaling about those, and standing up for myself (probably the most challenging for me). As long as food was my first instinct (I don't even say it was my first choice because usually a conscious choice wasn't being made) then I would never truly be able to overcome these issues.

**Momto2Boyz** · 05-23-2009, 08:25 AM

You're exactly right! I honestly believe that the food/comfort instinct is a learned response, that somewhere along the way, we all learned that food = comfort, when that isn't actually true. So over time, like anything else, it becomes such a natural response, you don't think about it and just do it. I really think, you have to confront those issues along with the actual current issues that are harming you. But I also think that you need to "retrain" your brain to deal with your issues in other ways, like journaling, exercising or something that is just generally more productive...unfortunately, doing that takes alot of hard work and really long time to truely make that change!