Ever had a mammogram? Funny story...

**frugalfranny** · 03-13-2010, 01:51 PM

Posted this under health as laughter is good for you too! Got this email this morning......thought I would share a chuckle!

If you have ever had a mammogram, you can identify with this. I thought this was laugh out loud funny....and much of it is soooo true!! A little long but worth the read! ENJOY!

At my recent assault trial, I offered a plea of "Guilty with an explanation." The judge asked me what my explanation was, so I told my story.

"Your Honor," I said, "I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept. I was met with:'Hi! I'm Belinda!' This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, 'All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?' I'm thinking, 'Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science.' Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, 'Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything? “Fine”, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap!
Complete darkness and the power went off! 'Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag.' Belinda said, and headed for the door. 'Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?' I shouted. Belinda kept going and said, 'Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back.'

Before I could shout 'NOOOO!' she disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me ... half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life, and the other part smashed between glass! After exchanging a polite 'Hi, how's it going' type greeting, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible 'Uh, yes, yes I did thanks.' 'You bet, take care' Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, 'Oh I am sooo sorry!' The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?'

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps...."

**porembam** · 03-13-2010, 02:30 PM

Made me laugh - I would be in front of a judge too

**frugalfranny** · 03-13-2010, 03:38 PM

Originally Posted by porembam

Made me laugh - I would be in front of a judge too

That is what I was thinking when I read it........one of the funnier mammo. emails that I have rec'd.!

I won't be going in for one during a storm!!

**ladykemma2** · 03-13-2010, 03:45 PM

if you know how much a mammogram hurts this is too funny.

ok, (slides all available flesh under the glass, stretch, stretch, owww), mashes down, clamp, "Ok don't breathe!" gasp, holding breath, but only i can't breathe because it hurts so much.....thinking "hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry", buzz, click, "oops we have to do it again!" groan.

**Palooka** · 03-14-2010, 01:23 AM

LMAO, never have had one but i've heard all about it.

Very funny!

**Debbie-cat** · 03-14-2010, 10:00 AM

LMAO!!!!! Oh thanks FF, I needed a good laugh.

**Nada.Leona** · 03-14-2010, 10:42 AM

Lol. I wonder if Belinda made it back to testify!

**peanut** · 03-14-2010, 11:27 AM

Well, it's a totally unrealistic email. I was trying to keep from screaming the whole time she did my left side. I hate mammograms. There is no history of breast cancer in my family. I am not going back. At least not to that place. There's another place in town that is much nicer on the body thanks!

**porembam** · 03-14-2010, 12:49 PM

Peanut - please keep up with the mammograms
They're uncomfortable but they found my cancer at stage one
the mammogram after surgery hurt but still bearable
I still find the joke very funny - if we don't laugh we cry!

**frugalfranny** · 03-15-2010, 01:30 AM

Yes, peanut...........please keep them up.

Just because there is no family history doesn't mean much anymore. And also.......the family history can be on either side, they are now deciding.