need help supporting wife

**mek42** · 04-28-2010, 10:38 PM

My wife is doing Weight Watchers and it is working. She will sometimes stress out when now and again she'll have a gain of a pound instead of a loss on weigh in day.

I am a chromatographer (analytical chemistry specialty) by trade. My job is to ignore noise in order to evaluate visually represented signals. Thus, for me, the idea that noise exists and should just be ignored as long as the trend is going the right way is intuitively obvious.

How can I better explain this to my wife and/or be a more supportive husband?

**starsapphire** · 04-28-2010, 10:46 PM

Just let her vent and tell her you love her and support her. Women find relief in talking about a situation, and men just want to fix the problem. Make sense?

**Russ** · 04-29-2010, 07:05 AM

Originally Posted by starsapphire

Just let her vent and tell her you love her and support her. Women find relief in talking about a situation, and men just want to fix the problem. Make sense?

Oh yeah, makes perfect sense. Made perfect sense when I read the book, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Made sense to my wife as well.... until you try to put it into practice. :gaah:

I look at dieting in the long term sense and it's how I talk to my wife about it. If she loses 2 lbs per month, which if dieting and exercising isn't much, that is still 24 pounds per year!

BTW..MEK42... I work in a lab too! Mainly metallurgical, but we also have the chemistry side. FTIR, IC, GC/MS etc etc etc.

**Nada.Leona** · 04-29-2010, 07:46 AM

I think that with things like weight, her reaction should be how you should react. If she comes to you eyes all alight and says, "I lost two pounds this week!" then smile and congratulate her. If, on the other hand, she comes to you looking at the floor with tears in her eyes and says, "I gained two pounds this week", then say "You're working hard, keep it up" and then compliment her several times the rest of the day.

In either case, for the love of Heaven, don't say, "That's nice, honey" and turn back to the television. She might kill you.

**joyofsix** · 04-29-2010, 07:47 AM

Originally Posted by starsapphire

Just let her vent and tell her you love her and support her. Women find relief in talking about a situation, and men just want to fix the problem. Make sense?

That's what I was going to say. Also realize it's upper most in her mind and she's going to talk about it. A lot. Just put a seemingly interested look on your face and nod alot. Finish with a you are doing so well. I'm so proud of you. It'll work.

**Libby** · 04-29-2010, 09:04 AM

Originally Posted by LadyNada

In either case, for the love of Heaven, don't say, "That's nice, honey" and turn back to the television. She might kill you.

Hahaha - so true in ANY event.

**beks37** · 04-29-2010, 09:56 AM

Just be supportive.....(I wish my husband would do this)

Don't bring home pop
Don't suggest going out to dinner
Do offer to go to the gym with her
Do offer suggestions for healthy meals at home
Do compliment her on how she looks from time to time
Do offer supporting words when her weigh in doesn't go as planned

**mauimagic** · 04-30-2010, 04:37 PM

What wisdom in such a short amount of space!! This would solve a whole bunch of challenges in marriages too!! Now, how can I get my DH to see the wisdom and fall in line!! LOL!! - baby steps I guess!!

**mek42** · 05-02-2010, 12:43 AM

Thank you all for the helpful replies. I'm starting to suspect that this may be one of those don't need to understand, just need to do things.

Originally Posted by LadyNada

...

In either case, for the love of Heaven, don't say, "That's nice, honey" and turn back to the television. She might kill you.

Easy enough, I watch about 1 hr TV per month on average.

Originally Posted by beks37

Just be supportive.....(I wish my husband would do this)

Don't bring home pop
Don't suggest going out to dinner
Do offer to go to the gym with her
Do offer suggestions for healthy meals at home
Do compliment her on how she looks from time to time
Do offer supporting words when her weigh in doesn't go as planned

I am, for the most part, off soda for my own health. She continues to drink diet sodas.

I've become kind of a tightwad about going out together and we realize that most things we can do ourselves better and cheaper.

We do need to start going to gym again.

As a gout preventative for myself, I'm happy with veggie experiments.

Does pantsing her in private while saying, "Hey, I couldn't do this a month ago," count as a compliment? I can start doing this more often...

Back to the beginning sort of. Merely ranting on emotional things without trying to formulate a plan to resolve what caused the emotional stuff has very limited value to me. How can I be sincere and honest while suppressing the "problem solver" mode? I think deep down inside me, it doesn't seem effective to just talk without trying to help fix, so I don't care as much when divorcing myself from "fix" and I also feel dishonest inside, because I know that the words I am saying would likely not help me, but the words I'm suppressing likely would help me if I was the one talking to myself.

**Michelle** · 05-02-2010, 08:43 AM

Originally Posted by LadyNada

I think that with things like weight, her reaction should be how you should react. If she comes to you eyes all alight and says, "I lost two pounds this week!" then smile and congratulate her. If, on the other hand, she comes to you looking at the floor with tears in her eyes and says, "I gained two pounds this week", then say "You're working hard, keep it up" and then compliment her several times the rest of the day.

:agree: :yes:

**Liane** · 05-02-2010, 11:43 AM

Keep in mind it's not about you. Your wife would love it if you made it about her. She does not think like you, so get that out of your little head-lol. Diet soda is a nightmare. Make her a nice ice cold pitcher of water with lemon slices. That and your empathy will go very far.

**ahmom** · 05-02-2010, 11:57 AM

Don't tell her that she's eating something bad. Even if she asks for suggestions be very careful in your answers.

**auntie2many** · 05-02-2010, 08:16 PM

A good book to read is

' Men are like waffles; Woman are like spaghetti."The authors are Bill and Pam Farrell.

**krbshappy71** · 05-02-2010, 08:54 PM

Ugh she's gotta get off the diet soda. Diet Soda Weight Gain - LoveToKnow Diet

Having been on the other side of this equation, I'd say do your best to lead by example. Eat healthy yourself, its good for you. Its easier to eat a salad sometimes when the person across from you is having a salad too, as opposed to having the deep fried onion rings that you really want instead of that salad.

As the saying goes, "Please Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth." Be kind.

**Vegas1980** · 07-15-2011, 06:43 PM

I am doing WW as well...and BOY do I understand the up and down!! One week I lose like 3 or so pounds, and then the next week (even when I think I have done well) I gain a pound! I get SO angry!

Like my WW leader says - sometimes you deserve a loss, sometimes you earn a gain...sometimes your body does what it wants! SHEESH!

HUGS TO HER!!