Who is an emotional eater??

**Heather** · 04-30-2003, 12:49 PM

I have really been thinking and studying and reading about how I am going to get this weight off. In theory it should be so easy. I know what I have to eat, I know I have to exercise.....BUT....emotions seem to get in the way, whether it be happy, sad, bored, frustrated? Why is that, I know it is for comfort and it makes us feel better for the moment but WHY??? Anyone have any thoughts!

**homesteadmamma** · 04-30-2003, 02:05 PM

I think because all our lives food has been something we've had for emotional purposes, kwim. When we were happy and did great things, we celebrated with food. Where there were weddings, showers, graduations, you name it, food was always there. It made us feel good. Even as a baby, when we cried we were fed and held, a special time between mom and baby.

Its interesting because I can remember the food I ate at my great grannies, my grandmothers on both sides of my family. They were good times, times when as a child I was spoilt by someone who loved me, made special dishes for me just because I was someone special to them.

So I think when were sad, bored, discouraged, we want to be taken back to those good times and we think food will do it. It does, but only for a short time. Thats why it becomes such a comfort to us.

To get over that, I needed to look at other ways in which I could bring comfort to myself when I was bored, discouraged or the likes. I found walking has helped tremendously, gardening, quilting or reading. I no longer am turning to food when I'm bored, but to reading a book.

Funny when I use to go on "diets" before and I lost a few pounds, I'd reward myself with food. This time, I'm rewarding myself with something that is far removed from food, silk flowers. It gave me such a high to walk into the store and find one I truly liked, to bring it home and explain to dh what it was for. Its a constant reminder of what I've lost. Food was never a reminder, because once I left the restaurant, it was gone.

We need to break the habit of always making rewards things of food items. That can be done by purchasing a good book, a wonderful cd, a candle to enjoy.

Heather, its a struggle and I think one in which will fight for a long time. More importantly, I think we need to find out the real reason for our boredom, our frustrations, etc. and work at changing that instead of constantly dwelling on the food part. Oprah always says "its not about the food, it goes deeper than that". I truly am beginning to understand that.

Does that make any sense?

**Heather** · 04-30-2003, 02:21 PM

Oh CJ, you are just such a wonderful woman of wisdom!! Thank you so much for your thoughts!! Absolutely true and I honestly think it is an ongoing battle/struggle until issues are worked out.

Rewarding yourself with non food items is great. I am really going to think about that...I love your flower idea....do you get one for each milestone??

**homesteadmamma** · 04-30-2003, 02:36 PM

Heather, I'm rewarding myself with a silk flower for each 10 lbs. I lose. When I lose 50 lbs. I'll purchase a glass vase to put them in.

When I get to my goal weight, I'm rewarding myself with a trip. Not sure where, but I'm looking to find a quilting show.

**mommy2three** · 04-30-2003, 02:52 PM

cj,
you are so wise!! it makes perfect sense now!

**Heather** · 04-30-2003, 03:39 PM

Thanks CJ, what a great idea!! What a beautiful bouquet you will have and a wonderful reminder of your accomplishments!! Hmm...wonder where I can find you a quilting show in Ontario?????

**Kimmomo3** · 04-30-2003, 07:19 PM

From things I have gleened from Dr. Phil one way to break the emotional eating habit (and any other one you want to break) Is to replace one habit for another or you won't break the habit.

You can't just stop doing something you have to start doing somthing else in its place.

I am using water and breathing, when I want to eat but I have stopped and asked myself "are you hungry?" and the answer is no. I drink some water then go in a room with out food and do this breathing thing I learned. It takes just 2-3 min. and I get to focus on other stuff other than food. Like how am I feeling and I can fix it with out food. I usually do it in the bathroom cuz I can get a minute in there with out interruptions right away from the kids.

**Heather** · 04-30-2003, 08:21 PM

Kimmomo3 - I like the breathing idea!! Thanks!

**aylasmommy** · 04-30-2003, 08:40 PM

That breathing idea is cool!

Lately I have lost my normal appetite, but usually I'm pretty much an emotional/boredom eater.

To me it's about controlling something I think? Because when I can't control the way things are working between say, carl and I, or a stressful situation...I feel like I can just make my problems go away if I just have a bowl of ice cream.
(i try to change that by using exercise as my control substance of choice.)

Like cj said, I can also remember meals at my great grandparents and grandma's houses, but yet hardly ANY at my own home! I think food really is a comfort thing to me as well. I'm not sure what I have in place for that, but I'm trying to ask for more massages from dh, or just go lie down on the couch, take a quick hot bath...that type of thing. Even just talking to my sister online, or taking a walk with ayla or some other bonding thing with her. Anything to replace that comforting feeling food would have provided.

Also, have you thought about getting a dry/erase board for your fridge? I have one there and I usually write down EVERY thing that goes in my mouth, so it really helps remind me and everyone else that might walk in...what i've had that day. keeps me in check

I also have a list of to do's on that board so if i'm going to the fridge I can get reminded of that, and (hopefully) turn from the food and do the chore instead.

**mrscornbread** · 04-30-2003, 11:14 PM

WOW !! You girls are very impressive indeed! Not even Oprah herself could have explained that in better terms. That says it all!
You're right we are all emotional eaters to some degree, even the anorexics who dont eat!

I have really fallen off lately, but plan to get back on soon. I feel better days on the horizon. I too am an emotional eater and that is why I have fallen off the wagon!
I'm so glad I found you guys out here in cyber space! I wonder what I would do with out you? Dont want to think about it...too emotional!

**PrairieRose** · 04-30-2003, 11:25 PM

One thing that really helps me, and it helps in more ways than just with the eating is to stop, look and listen...... . When I feel the urge to shove something in my mouth especially when I'm not hungry I've learned to stop, look at what I'm about to do and listen to what emotion it is that has lured me in. If I'll take 10 minutes and just "feel" the emotion I can usually go ahead and divert the urge to binge or have another dr. pepper, ETC.... . It's very uncomfortable at first but it does help to really listen to your inner being, find out what's really eating you.

**Belinda** · 05-01-2003, 07:50 AM

Lots of great wisdom here! For me anyway, the happy time eating, birthdays, etc. are no problem for me to control. When I started, I made a list of all the reasons I wanted to lose weight, some are vanity, but most are for health reasons, and this list keeps me on the straight and narrow. Of course, I indulge occasionally, but I'm aware of what I'm eating and count it.

BUT, and this is a big but (no pun intended

) The bad times, like a fight with DH, or bad news from my family, etc., very often sends me to the fridge, and right into a binge. I guess it's because these things can't be planned and are so unexpected. I need a plan for these times. There were some great ideas here, I hope the next time stress comes, I will remember them.

**simplemom** · 05-01-2003, 08:38 AM

I'm also an emotional eater...It has been a battle all my life. 5 years ago, I was able to focus and lose 85 lbs. Food was still important to me, but I ate good foods and made many efforts to make the really nice meals, that I liked. Why did I gain it all back?--Stress creeped back in my life--I probably couldn't cope any other way, as the stress got bigger and bigger...

CJ is right, we need to find other ways than food to confort ourselves. Deep down, we have to start loving ourselves, instead of giving ourselves food to make us feel good. *sigh*--food can be so good and comforting, when nothing else is in our life---