What do you do when your dreams are gone?

**Luv2BeFrugal1** · 04-20-2007, 02:31 AM

I feel so frustrated...and like my dream was stolen from me...and I'll never get it back. I just need to vent...

Eight years ago my dream came true...for a short time. I worked hard and made it thru college...had to take out loans to pay for it (still paying), but I made it. After waiting 13 months from graduation I was hired by the FAA to be an Air Traffic Controller...all I've dreamed about since I was 19. Only three months after starting my Dh and I were in a bad car accident. You have to hold a certain medical to control. My body just wasn't healing...they wouldn't give me time out of training to heal...even had to do PT after work hours... I held on for three more months...but I knew my health was declining (not healing/weakening). (Yes, I now know that that was not really legal of them...at the time I was young and naieve).

After only 6 months...I resigned in good standing. It took 9 more months of physical therapy and chiropractic treatment to recover. The car accident settlement didn't even cover the move back to our origianl home and the costs of moving to the facility in the first place.

Ya have to understand that the FAA has weird hiring rules. I was told that after one year from my resignation date I could put in to be hired again. I figured it would take near that long to fully recover anyway...

That wasn't how it worked out. I ended up going thru additional training (at my expense) to get in thru another hiring venue. Before I could get hired they discontinued that option (after 2 years of effort...no, I wasn't the only one).

Then I tried the "next best thing"...aircraft dispatch. I went to the school. They told me it was a 40k/year job to start and gave me references to several sources. (They told this to all the students - and yes, we all bought into it). And said that there was plenty of work in the area. I signed up, took the class, graduated valedictorian. Then found out the pay starts at $12/hr and there aren't that many jobs in the area.

I managed to be one of the students that got a position...but after 4 months with the company I was having those "gut instincts" that say "there's something wrong here - get OUT". I left...6 weeks later the company was plastered all over the news...the FBI had raided the place.

There aren't any other dispatch jobs around and we can't afford to move until next fall (plan to then). I've tried for all these years to get re-hired with the FAA. There is a *slight* chance that I may be able to get hired over the next few years...they're actively recruiting controllers. The response is staggaring. I put in for one facility and they got well over 700 applications.

So, here I sit. Broken heart, broken dreams. Why, you ask have I put myself through all this? Why do I continue? I don't know...something just draws me to it. I love aviation. I love to fly. I love to be a part of the excitement of it all. (If there are any fellow-pilots out there I know you understand me completely).

Now I'm faced with yet another dulldrum job...sitting in an office, hour after hour...miserable...with no chance of "escape" until next fall...unless the FAA, by some miracle, picks me from that lot.

Did you ever want something so bad you were afraid to even admit it? For fear it wouldn't come true? I miss it terribly. It is beyond words...thrilling.

Yet, the chances are slim. Do I keep pursuing this? Do I keep our lives in this constant "uncertainty"? My Dh is supportive of it. He's wonderful. The "never-knowing" is really starting to wear on me... I just can't seem to let go of my dream... I've tried just "dis-connecting" myself from aviation altogether...it just didn't work...it was like cutting off my right arm.

Prayers for an ATC job for me would be so very appreciated.

And, of course, advice...what would you do? Keep pursuing FAA since it's opening up, even though the chances are slim? Work more towards a dispatch job elsewhere? Other options?

TIA...appreciate your input... And thanks for letting me vent...it helps.

**julieb** · 04-20-2007, 05:33 AM

I am so sorry this all happened to you. If this is what you really want I think you should keep trying until you are absolutely certain the dream is not going to come true. While trying I would keep a back-up plan. But really is sounds like you have done all these things.

I started out wanting to be a special ed teacher and ended up being a nurse who worked with special ed kids, but my first few years of nursing were spent in a nursing home working. You never know where life will take you. I learned to adjust and appreciate what I had but kept pursuing what I really wanted.
I am praying you will get what you want.

**AmyBoz** · 04-20-2007, 06:35 AM

I'm so sorry to hear this. My dream was to be a pilot (and an author) as well. It was all I thought about, dreamed about, talked about as a kid. I loved flying and being in the air. Your word, thrilling, is an accurate description.

Then, I went to take flying lessons and when they tested my eyesight, it was bad...too bad to even take lessons and get in the cockpit. So, that was the end of that dream. I still dream about flying every now and then and it is a wonderful, freeing dream. I envy the fact that you got to do it at all, but I think you may be in a worse situation, having been able to actually taste it and then have it taken away.

All I can say is

to you and keep your application out there. Something will open up for you. I just can't imagine that a dream like yours won't come true in the end.

**Luv2BeFrugal1** · 04-20-2007, 03:18 PM

Thanks for the prayers and encouragement...means more to me than I can say...

Yes, having "tasted" it all and having it taken away is hard. I've said to my Dh many times I wish I had never been "exposed" to it if it wasn't going to work out.

I started flying 10 years ago...I haven't gotten to fly for about 3 years. It makes my heart ache. We just can't justify the costs ($125 - $145/hr to rent). Keeping a pilot chained to the ground is truly punishment.

Guess I'll keep the applications going in...

**ubumartin** · 04-20-2007, 04:31 PM

This is frustrating, You put so much into your dream and I am sorry it didn't work out.

**HandyMom** · 04-20-2007, 06:16 PM

Well, I pray you find your dream again. If not, what I would do is dream a new dream. Life doesn't always take us where we think we want to go.

**staceyy** · 04-20-2007, 06:22 PM

Have you seen the DVD "The Secret"? I think its available for free on the internet. Maybe this would help you.

**Luv2BeFrugal1** · 04-20-2007, 08:01 PM

Originally Posted by HandyMom

Well, I pray you find your dream again. If not, what I would do is dream a new dream. Life doesn't always take us where we think we want to go.

That's another "complication" for me... I tried to "dream a new dream". I've always thought it would be cool to live in a small town (like 10,000?) and have a few arces...have a garden, etc. I'd like that...and find myself drawn to the idea very much...espcially when there's NO progress towards my dream job for long stretches of time.

Unfortunately one costs money and has only low income possibilities. The other provides a large income with no cost. ARGH. Why is life so frustrating?

**frugalandsimple** · 04-20-2007, 08:06 PM

My dream since I was a young child was to work with babies/toddlers in a daycare. After working 18 months in a daycare center, I said to myself, "No way, I could do this for a living" Now, I have another job that I do enjoy even though it's not considered a "career"

**emily_hope** · 04-20-2007, 08:39 PM

I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time. I will say a prayer for you.

**nwmissourigal** · 04-22-2007, 01:45 AM

I am so sorry you are going thru such a hard time right now. I will pray for you. God has a path for you and you will find your way. Hope and dreams are part of the journey in this life. Sometime things don't work out the way we want, but you never know what is right around the corner. Be patience and never give up on your hopes and dreams...Blessings. Kathy

**Luv2BeFrugal1** · 05-20-2007, 08:30 PM

Ok, so I took all your advice and put in for some of the open hire positions...

But guess what I found out last week?! Instead of taking the hundreds of applications and chosing out the ones with the most experience or training...or the best potential. They're just doing a drawing!! They're using a stupid lottery system to chose the future controllers of our country!!! How dumb is that?

I could just scream. I checked into the number of applications submitted for the facility I'd like the most... It was OVER 700!! And they weren't finished counting!! And they only "choose" (yes, using the intelligent lottery method) about 40 from that bunch. So, even if they stopped taking apps at 700, it's only about a 5% chance of being selected...and that doesn't even get you the job!!!

I'm wondering if this is God's way of telling me to moooove on!! ARGH!!

Thanks for letting me vent... Advice?

**staceyy** · 05-20-2007, 11:00 PM

God has it all under control. Believe something even better is coming your way. You don't know what is happening behind the scenes in your favor. I'm watching Pastor Joel Osteen as I'm writing this, and this is the message he is giving.

**tigo** · 05-21-2007, 09:46 AM

I can totally understand how you feel. Growing up my dream was to get married, have a ton of kids (most families we grew up with were orthodox Catholics or LDS) and live on a working farm. Fast forward- I have been married (and divorced) five times. Only have two kids and cannot have any more. I live in an apartment in the suburbs. I went through a depression episode but therapy helped out a great deal.
So what do you do when everything you had planned and worked toward goes toes up? You have to accept you can only do what you can do and the rest is up to God/Universe/what have you. Try to keep an open mind and be kind to yourself. You haven't failed - you gave it 100% and then some. It just may be this isn't your path and you have to let it go.

**Luv2BeFrugal1** · 05-22-2007, 12:49 AM

Thanks for the words of encouragement... Means so much to me...

I miss aviation...was hoping to always be a part of it... Been wondering about doing civil air patrol or something... Even that costs a lot...who would think that volunteering your skills would cost you? It's like $80/year to join, then you have to buy uniforms, patches, attend meetings and training (often at a great distance to drive), buy a headset and push to talk (can easily be over $500 for something of good quality...I'm picky about protecting my hearing...this price range would be an average headset). So, that's out for now... The uniforms and patches alone would be over $100... (I used to be in about 10 years ago...was great fun...good memories).

I'm trying to focus on my new job here (which is a wonderful place...see the FV Working Women category)...and trying to NOT think about aviation.

I'm working on counting my blessings when things seem overwhelming or hopeless. Sometimes dreams are such difficult things to let go of...

Prayers please...