Oh....Crud!

[MC]

I'm really hoping that just getting this out and in writing will lead me into some type of "game plan". It's a long, aggravating story that would literally tkae pages and pages to fully explain and a lot of it is too embarrassing to talk about, anyway.

I am seriously considering divorcing my husband. For the past 5 years it's been one stupid excuse after another why we're in this situation. Now, we're about to lose the house, there's no money in savings and betwen the bankruptcy and the foreclosure our credit is trashed. I'm so scared right now that I am literally shaking--I keep looking out the window expecting to see the court officer at the door with the 7-day eviction notice. I've started smoking again and the liqour cabinet is looking might tempting these days. The only thing keping me sober is the kids--can't care for them if I'm drunk, so I wait until they're asleep and have a few. I haven't slept in two weeks and it's really starting to affect my life. I had a fight with dh about grocery money--seems his new car needs pinstriping and the kids having dinner is secondary. Which leads me to probelm #2--protective services was here last week due to a report from the school--evidently I locked my oldest son in a closet and refused to let him have dinner and told him he's only going to get enough fluid to keep him alive. Now, if the facts had been checked before making the call, the people would have realized this was a BS story. Plus, according to my son, the only person he talked to was his "friend" who is known for making up stories, and from all reports, HE'S the one who told the principal my son got locked in the closet with no dinner. The lady was very thourough, though....even knew about us losing the house, and wanting to know about dh's drinking. She even checked our fridge to make sure we had food!! Ha! I even showed her the closet doors--when we first moved in I took the locks off of every one, just so the kids COULDN'T get locked in!! And as far as not feeding the kids--she thought the dinner I had going in the crockpot smelled wonderful. So the school can bite me. But now my kids are being questioned almost daily and it's getting old.

So now I need to figure--if we lose the house, do I try to stay here? It doesn't matter since we'll be homeless--but not having heat makes the thought of going south a tempting one. I'm trying to pare down to the absolute neccisities--I have a beat-up Jeep that may or may not get us around. I have no money(being a sahm meant giving up my own paycheck) and the jobs around here are minimum wage at best. I have no training, no one to call on for child care, no one to ask for help. I've gotten to the point where I'm stockpiling a secret stash of canned foods that I can cook on a camp stove! The shelters are full. If we lose the house before school's out---well, I'm scouting out parking places for overnight so the kids can sleep.

I have been in some terrible situations...and I mean life-threatening...but I am absolutely terrified right now. I keep praying and that's not even a relief for me anymore--God's not listening, or else he just doesn't give a fig.

[latierra84]

check out local women's shelters. my mom worked for one here in dallas, and they had apartments they would let women and their children stay in for absolutely no cost, and they would help it gave the women a place to stay without having to worry about bills for at least six months and that way they could look and find work and save money for when they made it out on their own. if you live in a fairly sized city im sure that youll find something similar. and if not, there are always regular shelters where you could stay just for the night. do you have a paypal account?

[Ceashels]

Game Plan:
No more drinking. You can't take care of the kids if your drunk and you can't take care of yourself if your drunk.

Don't waste the money on cigerettes. Food and gasoline are more important right now.

Devote your time to finding all available resources. Local churches, the school programs that might offer breakfast for the kids, what shelters are available locally and ones that may be within a few driving distance.

So what if it is minimum wage. If you can squeeze it into your schedule it is a paycheck. It shows you are willing to work to care for your children.

Take one day at a time. Be frugal. And plan. You will need to make some hard choices in the relatively near future and if you have a contingency plan for the possible outcomes... YOU will have greater control of the situation.

I wish you luck and a clear head.

[FrugalMomof3]

Well, I really dont know what to say but I am sorry that you are going through this but there are many places you can go for help.

~ Local shelters or the salvation army
~ Shelter for women with children
~ Welfare department for assistance, they might also require you to file for child support to help support the children, they can also help with finding you a job or give you free schooling to learn a new trade, etc.
~ Modest Needs - http://www.modestneeds.org

I just wish you the best of luck in your decision and keep us posted

[pinetree]

I agree with the above, try & keep your head together, so you can think.. don't move to fast, plan your next move.
I'm not one for advise right now, so will just wish you luck.

[MC]

Thanks guys--it did help just to finally have it "out there"--ya know? I'm just sorely disappointed that everything I've done for the past 10 years has been for nothing. When he and I first began dating, I had a lot of credit to repair, bills to pay off, etc. I did it, though. Now I've got to start over, but this time I have two kids to worry about, and no job to start taking care of this "new business"--all the work I did to clean up my credit has been undone over the past 5 years, and not all of it has been an accident.

The only way I can qualify for any type of assistance is if I leave--and frankly, I'm not willing to just move my kids out of their home with nowhere to go. As I stated before--the shelters are full. That means there isn't any room. Though a few of them do have programs...not exactly sure what those are, though. I am looking into it, but a lot of them won't give me the info since I'm not currently in the shelter. I don't qualify for free schooling because dh makes too much money, though again, once we're separated that could change.

On a more positive note, he and I have decided not to make any decisions about "our" future until we find out about the house. Our marriage is not unsalvagable---but he knows where I stand. This is his last chance to make things right, and if he doesn't, we're through.

PS--the cigs I'm currently smoking have already been paid for. I had them stashed in the basement--not that it makes any difference, it's still a bad habit. And I know I can't get drunk--I can't afford to give him any ammunition at all!!

[baxjul]

No advice, just best wishes and prayers!

[Sari]

Wow, that's a tough situation to be in. I don't have any advice about your marriage, but I do recommend you start selling anything you can and stashing that money where your DH will NOT find it. Hopefully you can get a little cushion in case you need to leave. You could probably even sell those cigarettes. ((HUGS)) Keep us posted, ok?

[jacqueline]

mc hang in there!!
if not for you, maybe you can find the strength from your kids. im really sorry that you are in what seems to be an impossible situation. i agree with others about stashing money and not drinking. i know from friends that smoke that it is such a hard habit to break. i've worked for minimum wage most of my life and it's a creative challenge a lot of the time. you're in a spot and you realize it.... but from what i read from your posts... that girl's got some spunk in there somewhere---i hope it can help you find your way to some better times in the future.

ps..... im not real religious.... but i think God does give a fig about you and your kids.

[WillandJakesMama]

No advice, just and prayers!

[Cricket1]

Sending prayers your way. Just keep thinking of those kids of yours and I'm sure you'll make the best decisions.

[MC]

Thnaks for all the support, guys. It means a lot, just knowing I can come here and just vent. I don't have much more to sell--I've been slowly selling things just trying to keep the lights on and food in the house: the CPS lady said the case will be open for 30 days and she may be back.. I can't afford to not have utilities and no food if she shows back up!! As far as stahsing money--that's a toughie because dh counts every dime he gives me, right down to checking the grocery receipts! It's hard to "hide" a few bucks here and there when you're being watched. Plus, even when I do manage to put some away, I usually end up having to use it for something else--like groceries or car insurance.

However, I am known for being a bit sneaky, and he's not really noticing some of the other things I'm doing. My biggest challenge at the moment is putitng away as much cash as I can and coming to a decision about where to go from here. Anyone live in a state where the cost of living is cheap? Lol--Michigan is not the place to stay if you're struggling to find work!

[i.m.cheap]

As far as stahsing money--that's a toughie because dh counts every dime he gives me, right down to checking the grocery receipts! It's hard to "hide" a few bucks here and there when you're being watched.

This is a red flag. You have a very controlling spouse. I know, I have been where you are. I had nothing when I left, except a ten year old daughter (my oldest, now 29), and a 20 year old car that barely ran. I worked two jobs as a waitress until I had enough cash to rent our own apartment. We had to stay with relatives the first two months. It is not impossible. You can do it.

[i.m.cheap]

The cost of living is fairly cheap here in Kansas. High paying jobs are kind of scarce, though. Our family lives quite well on $25,000 a year.

[TheRootedNomad]

I too think RED FLAG when I see that every dime is counted and hear you're being watched. I'm glad you're planning and thinking things through. Sending (((((HUGS))))) and prayers.