Not on the same wave-length.

**MisaLady** · 07-11-2008, 12:32 AM

I have a family member who is, shall we say, materialistic. She spends tons of money on gifts and expects the same of others, though, as she said when she suddenly had to change jobs and ended up making a lot less "But now, Christmas won't be the same for me! My gifts won't be the very best!"

And she makes "jokes" such as "Well, it's the thought that counts, right? Yeah... but no... he he."

It's SO frustrating. My other sisters were willing to agree to a handmade Christmas last year, not only because she didn't want to make things herself but also because she didn't want to get "junk or something crappy."

Every year, we draw names, but she somehow manages to handpick who she is gifting "Oh, we're drawing names? But I already bought a gift for so-and-so..." and never sticks to the dollar limit agreed upon.

I'm annoyed and also feel guilty if I give her something that isn't "fantastic" and she spent a lot on the gifts. I mean, I want to give her something nice, but money is often tight.

Is anybody else in this situation? How do you handle it? Anybody have any suggestions on what to do in this situation.

**itsahumanzoo** · 07-11-2008, 12:39 AM

I would just tell her "tough." If she doesn't feel like the gifts she is getting are as "fantastic" as the ones she gives, maybe she will learn to tone it down a bit. You can't control how much money she spends, but you can control what you spend. Just because something is nice, doesn't have to mean it's expensive. You can be creative and thoughtful and still stay within your budget.

**MisaLady** · 07-11-2008, 01:20 AM

Originally Posted by MisaLady

I have a family member who is, shall we say, materialistic. She spends tons of money on gifts and expects the same of others, though, as she said when she suddenly had to change jobs and ended up making a lot less "But now, Christmas won't be the same for me! My gifts won't be the very best!"

I should clarify here - when she says "the very best" she is referring to the gifts that she GIVES. She wants everybody to like the gift she gives them more than any of their other gifts.

**MisaLady** · 07-11-2008, 01:22 AM

Originally Posted by itsahumanzoo

I would just tell her "tough." If she doesn't feel like the gifts she is getting are as "fantastic" as the ones she gives, maybe she will learn to tone it down a bit. You can't control how much money she spends, but you can control what you spend. Just because something is nice, doesn't have to mean it's expensive. You can be creative and thoughtful and still stay within your budget.

That's what I'm hoping to do this year. Last year, I got her a gift from Overstock and she seemed to like it. I figured that I spent hours and hours looking for the right gift - at the price the four of us had agreed on. She said she liked it, but I'm not so sure...

**Momto2Boyz** · 07-11-2008, 11:39 AM

Stick to your guns! All of my IL's are this way and DH and I are very "un-materialistic", so Christmas to us really is no big deal. We enjoy giving inexpensive, mostly hand made thoughtful gifts. DH's family gets annoyed with us spending so little at Christmas and them spending so much...so last year, when an off handed comment was made, I straight out asked why they felt the need to keep spending so much on things we don't ask for and don't want when the expense of the gift is not reciprocated. And honestly, not one of them could give me an honest answer! At that point, they all agreed to tone down Christmas for this year...so we'll see!

This year, we are asking for no gifts. We are asking that instead everyone make a charitable donation or "adopt" and underprivleged child for Christmas. And we are doing the same. We are taking our entire savings for Christmas and we are going to "adopt" a family at the local women's shelter and spend it on them. With the exception...my kids will each get 1 gift from Santa...can't ruin that for them yet, they are still to young!

But stick to your guns...don't let her pressure you into spending more than you want. Eventually, maybe she will get the idea! It only took me 10 years with the in-laws!

**Russ** · 07-11-2008, 11:48 AM

I can top this...
2 years ago the wife and I decided that we did not want to put a financial burden for any amount on ANYONE in her family. So we told everyone that if they felt the need to give us something, donate to the Humane Society and give us a card that said ("(insert name) has donated in your name to the H.S) The kind of card where the amount is not stated...
Anywho, they all got MAD at us!
The reason why was found out later... We give pretty nice gifts and they felt we would be cheaper with our gift if they couldn't give us something directly.

**fernykins** · 07-11-2008, 12:08 PM

I guess I'm lucky......I only buy or make for my grandkids. My family and inlaws don't do the gift thing........ I don't think I would wqorry to much about what someone thinks....... but thats just me
Fern

**angelbumpkin** · 07-11-2008, 01:23 PM

Just remember it's the thought that counts and you can't always please everyone. Keep in my mind you gave your very best.

**Mom23boys** · 07-11-2008, 01:57 PM

Do what you feel is comfortable for you. If you feel you can not afford something "fantastic", then only spend what you can afford. I would not go over my budget to please someone. I would consider the financial burden it would place on my family first.

**Ilovesewing** · 07-11-2008, 02:15 PM

We stopped giving gifts to adults a few years ago - only my immediate family - everyone else continues to buy meaningless 'stuff' for each other. Giving it all up was the best thing we've ever done. I don't have to wrack my brain trying to figure out what to give someone who has everything; and I don't miss receiving the things they gave me. They weren't cheap or anything, I just don't want 'stuff' for the sake of giving/receiving 'stuff'.

We do still buy for my niece and nephew and mom and dad. Makes christmas MUCH more enjoyable!

**tbs727** · 07-11-2008, 02:56 PM

Originally Posted by MisaLady

I should clarify here - when she says "the very best" she is referring to the gifts that she GIVES. She wants everybody to like the gift she gives them more than any of their other gifts.

Christmas isn't a competition, but if it's a big deal to her, let her win. Do what you are comfortable with.

**iida** · 07-11-2008, 03:10 PM

One of my brothers is very materialistic. He just doesn´t get it that I buy things secondhand from thriftstores or jumblesales. He things I lower myself by doing this. I have bought my nephews some used books that looked like new, but I would never tell him, because he might get mad at me.