Please share your tips with me....

**pollypurebred39** · 03-06-2010, 07:17 PM

on how to get older children to pick up after themselves. What I've always done is no longer working and I'm becoming frustrated.

Today I spent 25 minutes walking around the house and picking up DS 20's things and putting them in his room. I spent another hour picking up after DS 15. I thought it would get easier as they got older, I swear they are worse now.

I don't want to turn into a screaming shrew and no amount of bribery or reaping what you sow is working. Any ideas from seasoned parents?

**craftypam** · 03-06-2010, 07:39 PM

How about if you pick it up its yours. If it happens to one of their favorite pcs of clothing they might think twice about leaving them on the floor.

Isn't it funny when you are in the midst of trying to solve a problem with kids you can't seem to think straight to come up with a good solution. Hope something someone suggests works.

**savvy_sniper** · 03-06-2010, 08:29 PM

When I was growing up, if mom picked it up she did with it as she pleased - threw it away, sold it, donated it, gave back to us at Christmas or birthday, etc. If we really wanted it back, she made us WORK for it. We learned pretty fast to pick it up or lose it.

**Grainlady** · 03-06-2010, 08:43 PM

When our children were still at home, we all cleaned the house together (including hubby) on Friday afternoon , or early Saturday morning - whatever worked best for us or for each individual. You had the day off if it was your birthday. We were all busy, we all dirtied it, so we ALL cleaned it. They didn't get paid to do it, it was just a part of living in the house together. Each week we took turns cleaning bathrooms, vacuuming, mopping floors (according to the age and ability of the children at the time) - all cleaning tools are "one-size-fits-all". We called it "divide and conquer", instead of cleaning. We did it together so we could do other, more enjoyable things.

Because they were involved with all aspects of cleaning, and they saw their parents do the same things they did (everyone got toilet duty eventually), they quickly leaned to keep it clean. It's great to hear a 10-year old tell his friends to please pick-up a dish and take it out to the kitchen! (LOL) Another old saying at our home is "if you don't dirty it, it won't need cleaned".

We also had (and do to this day) an end-of-the-day pick-up and tidy sweep of all the public rooms. It takes less than 5-minutes to tidy up. Put the newspaper in the recycling bin, plump and place the pillows, fold the throw or afghan, in my case, put the 5 books away or stash my currant knitting project in a basket.....

I would set them down and let them how you would appreciate their participation to keeping the house clean and you will start by making them responsible for their things that they leave in the public spaces. It's just part of being a household - ANY household. It's a courtesy to everyone who lives there. I'd also let them know, like Mary's (savvy_sniper) mother did, if you have to pick up anything of theirs after the end-of-the-day sweep, you will confiscate whatever you have to pick up and donate it to a thrift store, or make them buy it back from you, or think of something more creative than what I did, and then keep your word on the subject.

**Russ** · 03-06-2010, 08:43 PM

Pick it up and say nothing. When asked if you've seen it... Nope, try the last place you left it.

**Palooka** · 03-06-2010, 09:12 PM

With my DD I use the cell phone as a leverage and now the car keys!!! It works!

Seriously, I just don't put up with that and my kids know it.

I'm sure I'm like a dripping/yelling faucet to them daily...

Call me the opposite of Michelle Dugger.

**mauimagic** · 03-06-2010, 11:34 PM

Love the ideas so far. My contribution is to tell them that you are no longer going to pick up there items strewn around the house. And then don't - just leave it where it lays. If company goes - oh well. I know that might not be realistic, but boy I'd love to see you do it.

Are you picking up dirty laundry and then doing the laundry? That should stop.

I really like Grainlady's approach. Where is DH on all of this or is he one of the culprits too?

**pollypurebred39** · 03-06-2010, 11:47 PM

GrainLady, That's sort of how it was when I was growing up. My Sister and I took turns every other day. One day it was run the sweeper & dust the furniture, the next day it was clean the kitchen, wash the dishes, sweep & wash the floor and wipe down the ice box, stove, counters and table. Every day we switched chores with each other. My mother worked second shift and it was our responsibilty. If we didn't do it she would pull us out of bed when she got home. It only happened to me once, I didn't dare try to skip out on my chores ever again. Our rooms were always kept clean and straight, if we used a cup we washed it, got toothpaste in the sink we cleaned it out. Every Sat. was whole house cleaning day and wash, after that we were free to go out and play or go to the mall or movies. Our house was always picture perfect. My Sister says it was like a museum lol!

**HandyMom** · 03-06-2010, 11:57 PM

Originally Posted by pollypurebred39

on how to get older children to pick up after themselves. Any ideas from seasoned parents?

My experience has been that it's best to marry them off as soon as possible and let their new mate deal with it. At least, that's apparently what my (ex)in-laws did with their sons.

**pollypurebred39** · 03-07-2010, 12:01 AM

Maui, They so would not care. I once found a broom that one of them had knocked over and didn't pick up, I was irked so I left it there to see how long it would be till someone picked it up. I believe it was day 5 till I could not stand it anymore and picked it up myself. Boy was I steamed.

And yes, I'm picking up dirty laundry and washing it. I'm also picking up clean laundry thrown all over and rewashing it. GRRRRR!

My DH wants the house clean he just wants no parts in how it gets that way. I've actually made places in the house for him to put his stuff and he does so, but it turns into mountains and drives me crazy so I end up going through it and weeding it out making it all nice and clean and he just starts filling that spot again. *sigh* He Dad came over and saw the cubby I made for his office stuff, the server drawers & the hutch drawers, he looked at me and shook his head and said, "He never throws anything away does he?" He does cleans up after himself in the bathroom, but lays his stuff all over his side of the bedroom. That said, he does his own wash because he does not like the way I do it, and Maui....I'm totally okay with that! LOL! More power to him.

**pollypurebred39** · 03-07-2010, 12:04 AM

HandyMom, ROFL! I so don't want to pass that on to my DIL's.

**mauimagic** · 03-07-2010, 12:10 AM

Okay then - do you have or can you buy two big plastic garbage containers and as soon as something gets tossed on the floor - you just toss it in the bin and then put the cover on. If they are not trainable, at least you can keep it out of sight?

**pollypurebred39** · 03-07-2010, 12:36 AM

Maui, *giggles* Oh my! they'd get filled and I'd have to buy more trash bins, I'd be the trash lady. *giggles* Oh too funny!

I have to confess I've been fighting the urge to open DS 20's door and throw all his stuff I found down the stairs! When I picked him up from work tonight I gave him a tongue thashing about having his stuff all over the house. He looked at me like I had three heads and said, "What stuff?" He seriously did not have a clue what I was talking about.

I think I'm going to empty my closet in the bedroom and put my youngest clothes in there. I'll just hand him an outfit in the morning and hold my hand out for his bath towel and night clothes. I think I'd rather do that then what I've been doing. Somethings are just not worth the fight. Gotta pick your battles, kwim? As far as his room, I'm not sure yet. I could see to it that all those fancy shoes and fedros he keeps laying around disappear....hmmm, where did you leave it last? as suggested by Russ.

DS-20, I don't know what to do....yet. He pays for his cell phone so I can't take it. He does not drive yet so taking away the keys is not going to work. Once they start paying their own way there's not a lot to hold over their head.

**Palooka** · 03-07-2010, 12:59 AM

Originally Posted by Polly

DS-20, I don't know what to do....yet. He pays for his cell phone so I can't take it. He does not drive yet so taking away the keys is not going to work. Once they start paying their own way there's not a lot to hold over their head.

He is 20 years old?? Does he have a job? Or college?

He is still living under your roof?...and now old enough to pay or get a life...

**pollypurebred39** · 03-07-2010, 01:07 AM

Yeah, he works as a manager at a drug store. Buys his own clothes, pays his own bills, pays rent. We've been trying to get him motivated to go back to school, so far no luck.