having trouble letting go of three linen blouses

**ladykemma2** · 08-10-2010, 08:18 AM

i have been sorting and purging my clothes this week in preparation for school starting next week. i ruthlessly got rid of a lot of stuff, especially icky, old, stained, cotton garments which do not last very long.

good linen lasts forever.

there are 3 sturdy linen blouses from 2000. "the blouses that wouldn't die." I do wish target would make these again (hey target if you are listening they are linden hill, thick, sturdy linen, well made, classic lines, 3/4sleeve, - make 'em again, please). damn target for making them so well constructed.

i am having a hard time parting with them. they have faded food and school stains on the front. i used them as smocks. i know from experience that linen doesn't hold onto to stains so keep wearing and washing them. structurally they are sound, even though they are ten years old. this is the surface argument. i can keep them for weekends, says my messed up head.

why am i hanging on to them?

deeper, they are some of the blouses i had when my marriage was happy. they went with me to london in 2001 when i moved there. i remember living in the holiday inn in sutton until we got established, and ironing those blouses happily in the hotel room. i also wore them during my years as a 40 year old brand new teacher (alternative certification)

typing this brings up tears, whether it's about blouses or happy memories or sadness about a ruined marriage i don't know. or yes to all three.

all other clothing from that era is gone.

i can hear my therapist - you don't have to wear ten year old, food stained clothes. you can have new clothes.

my internal sponsor says - TJ maxx has lotsa new linen blouses now. go check 'em out. just go look you don't have to buy anything. you have the memories in your brain. let them go. keep one and put it in your memories box.

i put the three blouses back in the closet. i cannot part with them today. I haven't worn them in two years, what's the deal.

sandra felton (messies anonymous) suggests having the objects "lying in state" and grieving the loss. I'm not there yet.

thoughts? in AA we say "i have high class problems today."

**ms.mel.who** · 08-10-2010, 09:14 AM

I would say to "transition" then to a bag in the closet, or a box in the basement. Then purge them later.

You absolutely should not wear them anymore. Not even on the weekends, not even home alone.

I totally get it. I have some serious sentimental ties to some of my clothing.

**monkeywrangler71** · 08-10-2010, 09:37 AM

I don't believe you are hanging on to them because of when and where you wore them. If that was the case you would have kept other clothes from that time, not just three identical shirts. This is about what they are, not what they represent. You can't let go of the shirts because you like them and they don't make them anymore; hanging on to something unusable because you are afraid it can't be replaced. You're hoarding.

**thefrug** · 08-10-2010, 09:58 AM

Turn then into some tea towels! Why throw away perfectly good linen?! And tea towels is straight stitching so it's nothing hard or fancy. They're already stained, so put them to a good use. Drying the dishes and such!

**_kit** · 08-10-2010, 10:19 AM

I have problems getting rid of sentimental clothes too. If they're still in good condition but just something I'm not wearing anymore, I've been able to let them go if I can give them to someone I know who will use them. If they're stained and past wearable condition, I like to cut a little piece out of them to applique a heart or something like that on an old quilt I have. That way I can get rid of the item but still keep a small piece of it with me.

**Ali Lee** · 08-10-2010, 01:42 PM

Surely, they can't use up that much space.. I like the tea towel idea. I would probably keep them & wear them!

**ladykemma2** · 08-10-2010, 02:02 PM

Originally Posted by monkeywrangler71

I don't believe you are hanging on to them because of when and where you wore them. If that was the case you would have kept other clothes from that time, not just three identical shirts. This is about what they are, not what they represent. You can't let go of the shirts because you like them and they don't make them anymore; hanging on to something unusable because you are afraid it can't be replaced. You're hoarding.

i disagree that this is hoarding, because i don't hoard. I'm a ruthless purger. it's just these three shirts.

**ladykemma2** · 08-10-2010, 02:03 PM

i like the tea towel idea.

i also considered dying them black and keep on trucking. is this insane? They are natural linen color presently.

handkerchiefs?

**onencgirl** · 08-10-2010, 02:04 PM

If they are in good repair, I'd dye them.

**monkeywrangler71** · 08-10-2010, 02:13 PM

Originally Posted by ladykemma2

i disagree that this is hoarding, because i don't hoard. I'm a ruthless purger. it's just these three shirts.

It's just a very small hoard

You had the shirts during the terrible years as well as the good, so I'm not buying the happy memory argument. You just love the shirts and I don't think it goes any deeper than that. Find a way to use them.

**ladykemma2** · 08-10-2010, 02:38 PM

Originally Posted by onencgirl

If they are in good repair, I'd dye them.

they are in good repair, not frayed or thin.

the one with potassium permanganate stains will become dish towel or handkerchief (or trash). the other two with barely discernible stains i will dye.

i am going to sleep on this because i am having TONS of emotions about three stupid shirts. i don't think this is about shirts.

ETA: it just dawned on me that this is the anniversary of moving to england 2001. hm.

**khaski** · 08-10-2010, 03:49 PM

Purge 2, keep 1? I get some clothing is just well loved and hard to part with, it's not hoarding unless you let it get out of hand.

**TigerGirl1226** · 08-10-2010, 04:05 PM

I like the idea of re-purposing them. I hang on to some things too, so I totally understand. I can't fit in the skirt that I wore on first date with DH...it doesn't fit, but I won't get rid of it.

**NikoSan999** · 08-10-2010, 07:17 PM

It seems obvious that for whatever reason you love the 3 shirts. Dosent' matter why, you just do. Sometimes that is reason enough. If they make you happy or bring a smile to your face then they ARE serving a purpose. A moment of happy times....those times existed and are part of your life and you have a right to smile remembering the good parts. You don't have to have selective amnesia.

Shove them in the back of the closet, they don't take up much room and bring them out when YOU feel like it. Sleep with them for a night or two and put them back. Or dye them and wear them. WHY should you get rid of something you really care about because you feel like you should and know deep down you don't want to.

Your past life is your past life and isn't going to go away. It happened. It's made you the woman you are today. Memories are just that and there's nothing wrong with going back in time occassionally, as long as you come back.

**angelbumpkin** · 08-10-2010, 08:35 PM

I would turn them into something fabulous. Get a little creative bet if you slept on it you could think all kinds off neat things those blouses can become.