Chaos

[Daisygirl]

We recently moved to a bigger apartment. I remember commenting how huge it was. We've been getting loads of things from the girls' dad's house for two weeks now and it is no longer looking so big.

I'm really getting stressed over the mess. I am by no means a neat-freak, but it's just out of control. The kids are really not helping - everytime I try to get them to put stuff away they burst into tears. I know that they are having trouble dealing with their father's death and putting these things away here are a step towards accepting the situation. I feel so sorry for them.

I've recently taken extra hours at work to try and make ends meet with the extra expenses. I'm still recuperating from a serious back injury. It's all pretty overwhelming.

There really isn't a solution to this problem except to get everything put away myself. I'm really just venting.

Hoping the rest of the weekend is productive. SIGH......

[krbshappy71]

I don't really have a solution, sounds like a time of turmoil.

Since money is tight, I'm assuming you can't run out and buy some organizational items to help contain some of these things. My thought, though, if you have anything around the house you can use, is to build shelves to display of of their specific "dad's house" stuff. Maybe if the items had a home that "honors" the item, they would be less resistant to putting the item back. (and some of it, eventually, hopefully they would just leave up on the shelves.) My thoughts of things that could go up higher on shelves: photo frames, stuffed animals like beanie babies, dolls that stand up, stuffed animals that can stand up on their own. They are still visible for them, but not underfoot.

Another thought: Totes, do you have totes? Totes saved me in the child-rearing years, its quick to toss things into totes for a quick cleanup before someone comes over. Clear totes if they don't want the items "boxed away from sight". Just a thought.

You could require a path. "I need a fire-lane path in your room to your bed and the window, other than that, I don't care." and then truly try to let go.

Very stressful, hugs to you.

[NikoSan999]

Are all the things you're getting from his house truly necessary? Or are they wanting to bring EVERYTHING? Maybe tell them this is enough.

[bumplett]

I was thinking the same as Niko.

At some point, it's just "stuff"

I know they won't understand that right now, but maybe if they each pick out a few very important pieces to keep and donate the rest to a homeless shelter for men that really need the help, maybe that can help them with the grief??

just a thought - I don't know - I'm not an overly sentimental person, so I have a hard time grasping the "stuff" - my son keeps everything - even the empty boxes his "stuff" comes in, so he has the photo on the box of the "stuff" -

The only thing I have of my dad's is a worry stone that I gave him when I was about 9 years old. He kept it. I remember he used to have it in his pocket when he went to work. I don't know what to do witht it exactly, but I have it in my jewerly box.

My hubby on the other hand.... he has notes & letters from MIDDLE SCHOOL.

ugg.

I feel for you Daisy. It'll get better. Just take it one day at a time.

[mauimagic]

rough time for you all - time to process and readjust to life that is different now. Sounds as if you could use some 'me time' and some 'breathing time' - it will get better - it wouldn't be normal if things just settled down immediately. take care.

[Droppedonmyhead]

Seems like you've really had a lot on your plate lately. I totally understand about the turmoil. I recently moved too. I weeded stuff out before I moved them over, then weeded them out again when they got to the new place. Don't try to do it all at once. Take a box a day if you can. It will eventually be done. It's been a very stressful time for both you and your girls. You all need some healing and adjustment time.

[Daisygirl]

A lot of the things coming over were the girls' toys/clothing/personal items from Dad's. I just don't have room to put it all away.

The kitchen items that have come are different items than I have - therefore useful - I have most of that put away.

I got all the books put away last night. HBAs are put away.

Next weekend comes the big stuff - of course, it will be useful. There is a deep freezer (I don't have one), a new stove, fridge and washing machine (the landlord is going to store the ones here - they could nicely be called "vintage"), some more bookcases (very useful - can put "stuff" away on them!).

The girls have selected things for "when they move out" and those have been carefully boxed and stored at their uncle's house. Some of the better furniture is also being stored there. They have given a great number of things away too. There is just so much that a person accumulates throughout his life.

Aside from all of this is the jewelry. My X was in the silver business. There is an absolute ton of sterling silver jewelry. My FIL is storing that until we make room for it and then I am going to help the girls start a little business to sell it and make some money.

It's very overwhelming. It's worse for the girls.