Would you/do you get rid of stuff behind your husband's back?

**ml2620** · 05-03-2011, 09:41 PM

Originally Posted by stinkbug

The phrase * behind your husband's back* is never going to end well....

I guess this pretty much sums it up. I think the rearranging the house was a fantasy (although my mom used to rewallpaper and paint rooms when my dad was away on business) I knew getting rid of that stuff was probably hurtful. That said, I am going to move the big desk into his (currently unused) office to make more space in the den for DD to have as much crawl area as possible.

Wish me luck!

**mndtrp** · 05-04-2011, 12:01 AM

I can only advise how I would react, and it would be poorly. I would be very upset if my wife threw out ANYTHING of mine, prior to checking with me. Moving the furniture is fine, cleaning up is okay, but throwing things out is very much a no-no. If she thinks I'm holding on to too much stuff, she can talk to me about it, and we can reach a conclusion.

**monkeywrangler71** · 05-04-2011, 08:06 AM

The office he doesn't use sounds like the perfect place for the desk he doesn't use

.

**IntlMom** · 05-04-2011, 08:24 PM

furniture? no.
but stuff? I get rid of his stuff all the time. Never tell him, he never notices. When and if he did notice, I'd feign helping him look for it.

but then, I hate cluttery stuff. My family knows that if the "widget" cannot find an acceptable home, I will get rid of it....

**2ndGenGranola** · 05-05-2011, 06:42 AM

I never throw out anything that is not obviously trash. I would like an answer as to why he is collecting trash but that's another thread. I will pack up, store, move but not throw out.

**Judi Dial** · 05-05-2011, 05:10 PM

DH and I do things like this: we put everything belonging to the other person in a pile, a box, in one place. THEY go through it. The rest of the arranging, etc. happens even with this. Usually however, we've discussed and almost always agreed on what we're going to do. The fact that I'm doing it instead of him is not really relavent.

We have both in the 30+ years we've been together tossed what we thought was set aside as "trash" and it wasn't. A new T shirt/mini vac on my part, a pair of bicycle rims on his (they were in a bike travel thing we'd decided not to move, mine were in a trash bag, as I didn't have a box!). These are YEARS apart and neither of us has forgotten the items or what happened. In both cases, it was an honest mistake.

That said, if he decided to take it upon himself to throw my stuff out, I'd probably leave. I had people invading my space as a kid, I won't put up with it as an adult. It doesn't matter that I have 1,000s of books, if he decided to throw out a box or two when i was gone I'd be royally mad and feel totally betrayed.

If you HAVE to get the stuff out, put it in one room, or in a corner of one room, or in a corner of EVERY room while he is gone, but I would not get rid of it!

My

Judi

**benosayi** · 05-05-2011, 05:57 PM

We have a rule in our house and at school. If we don't use it in a year than, we ditch or donate it. I have a small house and this has kept it clutter free. I woud talk him first.

**NikoSan999** · 05-05-2011, 07:22 PM

I didn't realize the office was unused. Curious then, obviously then it's a perfect place for the desk but why not some, if not all, of the other stuff. Papers, etc....the odds and ends stuff. Boxed or otherwise.

For that matter, if it is unused and is not full already how about setting it up as a "man room" and put the desk, other stuff and if large enough one of the two couches. If there's stuff in there maybe he would be willing to compromise and get rid of some of it and still have room for a "man room" ( I hate that term ) or a "mini man room".

**serenity72** · 05-08-2011, 10:07 PM

i am doing some of this currently. but its not my hubbys stuff.

**greekislandgirl** · 05-09-2011, 03:07 AM

Yeah I agree that throwing away his stuff - or even putting it in the barn where it could easily be irreparably damaged - would be unfair to your husband. After all, it's his house too, and it doesn't matter if you love the way it looks "with things arranged the way you want them", if he doesn't, it's still not okay. It goes the other way, too though. If having all his stuff all over the house means you hate it, that's not okay either. Since you have an extra room (his office), why not ask him how he would feel about redoing the office so it's more comfortable / useful / fun for him to be in? That would mean putting in a couch, the desk, and some of his stuff.

I can still remember the horrible moment when, at the age of 10, and after spending an entire afternoon carefully organizing and cleaning my father's desk (didn't throw anything away, just put everything in nice little piles and dusted and all that), he almost kicked my butt out the window because how on earth was he ever going to FIND anything??? (People who are disorganized live under the misconception that they always know where everything is. This is not true - they just are used to riffling through a ream or two of a paper to find anything.) Since then, I will never go down that road again. Much less throw something away that belonged to my husband. I'd probably be the one going out of town after if I did that.