my hubby hates me becuase we are moving somewhere smaller

**serenity72** · 05-08-2011, 09:29 PM

I guess I would just like to hear him say some positive things about it. He told me I wasnt listening to him about this. In the beginning he thought we wouldnt have enough space so he wanted a basement. Well I do listen, but to me if I am the one carrying the purse strings then I should be the one making the final decision. I guess what I am pissed at is why the heck is he mad about it at all when I am the one flipping the bills. If we live in a box he should still shut up unless hes bringing something in.I would move into an apartment but the dog we have it is very hard. That is another thing once our dog passes it will be apartment time and that will be even smaller. So he definatly wont have his weight bench then. HAHHA

**serenity72** · 05-08-2011, 09:33 PM

the garage is a 2 car garage it would; fit everything we have even if we DID keep everything. Which we wont.

**oheoh's momma** · 05-08-2011, 09:41 PM

Hi honey one of my best friends is going through this right now she moved from a 2 bedroom with a child and a elderly adult to three bedroom but the amount of stuff has is extreme they rented two storages sheds and it is still wall to wall. Talk to him keep what you love and what is sentimental . Go vertical up to ceiling, weed out junk, ect. but there is only so much space and compromise is really your only solution. hugs

**serenity72** · 05-08-2011, 09:59 PM

thanks i guess just makes me irrate some stuff he wont part with. or its like pulling teeth. I read on another thread to box up his stuff and let him deal with it? Sound like a good idea? funny thing about clothes im the female and he has the most of them.

**greekislandgirl** · 05-09-2011, 03:24 AM

Is there any space on the property of the new place to put up one of those storage sheds (the kind they sell at Home Depot)? That might be a relatively inexpensive place to put stuff that would normally go in the basement or the garage. But only do that if you want to keep the items.

About the weight bench. I have been down that road before. It was MY weight bench and exercise equipment that was not being used, was taking up too much floor space , was ugly, was difficult to disassemble for moving, and was freaking HEAVY to move (that's the point of it I guess). Sell the weight bench and look into going to the YMCA, or finding outdoor gym equipment in nearby parks as a potential "make it up to you" idea. Weight benches don't just take up the space they occupy. To use one, you have to have 8 foot clearance across them. There is just no way you have space for something like that, unless he uses it 4 times a week, it's got to be sold - but like on that other thread, not behind his back or anything! Also, take it from me, I used to be a competitive weightlifter, you can do a LOT with just dumbbells which do not take up nearly as much space, and they even make adjustable ones where you can have a whole set and it still only takes up the space of a large pair. You can even tell him that dumbbells are more effective than barbells because they require the muscles to work harder to stabilize them, and he can get his nice big pecs even faster.

Just to give you some courage: my husband and I (no pets) live in a 300 sq. ft. apartment. No garage (we park in a public town lot), no basement, no attic, no nothing. Our balcony is shared with the neighbors so we don't even have that. We have about 10 cartons of our stuff in storage in my in-laws' basement (takes up about 4 feet by 2 ft by 5 ft space), which is totally inaccessible as they live 9 hours away. And we are just fine. 99% of the world lives in smaller houses than even we do (I made up that statistic but I bet it's not wrong). You can do it and you can even LOVE it. Smaller house = lower energy bills, less/easier cleaning, fewer things to break, don't need as many of things (one phone, one TV is plenty). It takes getting used to (I used to live, by myself, in a place 3 times the size of this). Someday we want someplace bigger but this is what we can afford so this is where we live - simple, really!

He just needs to understand what you all can afford.

**serenity72** · 05-09-2011, 04:46 AM

decided not to move. for others reasons my dog would ruin the place. Big mistake I put a deposiit down. I didnt sign a lease but I guess I am still SOL on deposit right?

**greekislandgirl** · 05-09-2011, 06:24 AM

that's too bad about the deposit

Will you keep looking? Try to involve him in the looking process if he can do it without being constantly negative about the whole thing (which can happen if he really doesn't want to move). Good luck. *hug*

**2_at_the_farm** · 05-09-2011, 07:06 AM

Some might give the deposit back.

I'd have to thump DH on the head. I guess I'm also married to one that doesn't understand that what you want and what you actually can afford are two different things.

I understand the bit about sentiment and collectables. But the rest is just stuff, and you can always get more stuff. I vote for sell/donate and no storage rental.

Good luck!

**Pemberleyan** · 05-09-2011, 07:51 AM

Originally Posted by FrabjousDay

If he would like to become employed by choice, he might be able to afford his very own basement.

I couldn't have said it better. If he is not responsible enough to work for a living, he has no right to complain.

**serenity72** · 05-09-2011, 01:58 PM

thanks guys for the help who knows I may find something better and cheaper. wasnt meant to be. for now I will clean things here and downsize with hubby as much as possible.

**Ceashels** · 05-09-2011, 03:00 PM

From your posts it sounds as if he is angry and has latched onto the "no basement" as the scapegoat. Does he feel as though he has let you down by not being employed? Is he angry more with his self situation than the actual move?

Certainly, being around and hearing it all the time can get you down... (or royally PO'ed) but it sounds like there is something lying beneath his behavior.

**heartofmine** · 05-10-2011, 10:57 PM

Tell him to get a job and then with 2 incomes you can afford something bigger to put all his junk in.

**Josephhgoins** · 05-11-2011, 04:16 PM

is it possible for him to have his own "man-cave" out building? Great project with good excercise for both of you to build a small building. Plans are easily found online and all materials at lowes. If you take your time and shop wisely you could even find everything you needed at salvage stores for cheap.

**krbshappy71** · 05-11-2011, 04:22 PM

Yahhh, I would just like to say be careful/mindful on renting a storage unit. My long-dist-bf has had stuff in storage for 3 years. The money he has spent on it over those 3 years exceeds the technical worth of the items. (granted sentimental goes a long way) Just try not to store it and forget it and get used to that bill every month, y'know?

I've even teased him that he should just ship the stuff to me, pay the one-time cost on that and call it good, saving the $ each month on storage for who knows how many more years! But its too sentimental for him to even let go of to do that.

**krbshappy71** · 05-11-2011, 04:26 PM

Originally Posted by serenity72

decided not to move. for others reasons my dog would ruin the place. Big mistake I put a deposiit down. I didnt sign a lease but I guess I am still SOL on deposit right?

Me again, not to be a pest. Crate train the poochy! Mine would destroy any house if they weren't crate-trained and that's regardless of the number of toys and bones they have available, ha! Some dogs are such handfuls.

If that wasn't the right place, then it wasn't the right place. I know its disappointing, though, sorry. I hope you can get hubby on board, it'll make things so much easier for you. Hugs.