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Decluttering is so hard

6K views 25 replies 13 participants last post by  peanut 
#1 ·
I've been forced to downsize over the past few years from a 3/2 house on 1/4 acre to a 1/1 apartment with a small courtyard. Along the way, I've rid myself of about 75% of what I owned, but I still have way too much in boxes that I don't need.

I had to sell most of my furniture, so most of what I own is still packed up, in fact, my entire bedroom is full of boxes and I'm sleeping in the LR.

So here's where it gets crazy. Instead of thinking about getting rid of more stuff, I am trying to find ways cram what I have into this tiny space. I can honestly say there is NO WAY to do this without it looking like a thrift store, but here I am, looking at creating a storage closet out of part of the bedroom and re-packing partially filled boxes instead of donating or trashing things I don't really need.

I got to be a hoarder for a short while when I was going through a hard time, and I've pretty much recovered from the worst of it, but now it's like this is all I have left of my life and I can't let it go! I've even already thought of getting a 2-BR apartment to have more space, but I'm just not going to do that.

The worst part is that I could live quite comfortably with what I have unpacked right now. I have all my kitchen, bath and personal items unpacked and I'm going about my day-to-day just fine. In fact, some of this stuff has been packed up for YEARS. There is some useful stuff in there, like office and computer supplies, but most of it is useless to me now. I even have boxes full of old magazines -- God knows why!

I guess a little bit of the hoarder is still in me. I've already started picking things up from the dumpsters, but to be fair, I gave most of them away and sold a couple of things, and some were useful -- like the almost new Swiffer Wet Jet and some nice clothes I really needed.

So how do you suggest I do this? I want to do the 3-box method with the rule that once something goes into a box, it stays there but I'm afraid I'll just put everything in the "keep" box. It's really mind over matter, isn't it?
 
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#2 ·
First of all, Im not a hoarder or have hoarding tendencies. Sadly some or my family members do, so you have my sympathy. What I would do is go through boxes one by one. Preferably with the boxes that have been packed for years. Make it a goal to tackle a box a day, or if that is too much, a box a week. If you can sell items from it, you could reward yourself with things you need like clothes (even if it is thrift store stuff, its better than nothing). If you can't sell or donate it, take another deep thought about why you want to keep something no one else wants. Some of it might be memories that are important to you, but the rest might be better of gone. Anyhow good luck with your struggle.
 
#3 ·
Thanks, Ayanka. I appreciate the support. I like the part about thinking about why I want to hold on to something no one else wants. My mind is so strange. I keep thinking about the things I put on Craigslist that don't sell as "I just haven't found the right person yet," instead of maybe nobody wants it. That's true about some things, like the baby walker in great shape, but it's not true about other things.

I just need to DO IT. One box at a time, like you said. There is no need to keep all this if I don't need it and it's just going to be boxed up instead of put out to use. I still have notebooks from my high school years, and that was over 40 years ago! They are all just boxed up, just like they looked on the last day of school that year. I also have notebooks and papers from college. What on earth do I need those for? I'm going to go through those first, take pictures of whatever I want to hang onto a memory of and toss them in the trash. That will take care of two of the boxes.

I think I'll donate most of the office supplies to a school teacher. They are always looking for supplies, and I'm never going to set up a home office again.

The craft supplies are harder to part with. I do love crafts, and one day I'll actually have time to do them again. There aren't that many of those, so I think I'll hang onto them. Only a few years to retirement.
 
#4 ·
It can be difficult to let go, but seeing open space does feel pretty good. We're still working out way through our excess so I know what you're going through.

Definitely dump the old high school and college stuff, unless it's still of some use to you. Maybe keep one or two representative papers or something, if you want to have some mementos.

What I did with hobbies is decided which hobbies I was most interested in. For me the top one was sewing, which in my case is more than a hobby but for decluttering purposes I include it in the hobbies. Then I decided I was also interested in beading, crochet, tatting, and knitting, with lesser interests in quilling and scrapbooking. I also read a lot. I designated spaces for each hobby and when those spaces were filled, I either had to make something to make space or declutter more supplies till everything fit into the space. So for example, I had a carry case for scrapbooking supplies and now it's full, I no longer buy any supplies. I also have a small section of shelf space I've allowed for books about scrapbooking, also full, so no more book-buying for that unless I want to get rid of a book from the shelf to make space. I have a glass-front former stereo cabinet and a couple large tackle boxes designated for beading. I got rid of most of my novels in favor of using the library rather than store them myself, and also purged my non-fiction books to pare those down. I've found designating spaces and making things fit has been a big help to me to get a handle on what my priorities really are.

Good luck. I think decluttering is an ongoing process and not something you can do once and be done forever, especially when your physical space has changed and you need to downsize even more.
 
#7 ·
Oooh! Designating a space is a great idea, since I really have so little space now. I gave away all my yarn and materials when I moved. I donated them to the Boys and Girls club and the arts and crafts lady was thrilled to have them. Also donated a lot of old fashion and gardening magazines for them to cut up to do decoupage, and all my decoupage supplies. Now all I really have is a lot of old jewelry I got so I could start doing beading, but haven't gotten around to it. Still want to, though, so I'll keep those. I have my knitting and crocheting needles and hooks and a few crosstitch patterns, but most of that stuff is gone.
 
#5 ·
If you have the money, you can hire a professional organizer to help you determine what you need, what you want to keep, what you really NEED to keep, etc.

Do you have family members or friends who might want some of the items you are trying to give up? I'm specifically thinking of furniture and household items.

Remember that charitable organizations need quality donations, plus you get to write them off somewhat on taxes.

When deciding on storage, go up the walls with shelving or tall cabinets.

Thanks for giving the office/school supplies to a teacher or a school! As a retired teacher I promise that it would be much appreciated. Schools may take the old magazines for little students to use for cutting out pictures. If not, either toss them or find a place to recycle them. Fairly recent ones might be of some use in some facilities for older people or in waiting rooms.

I agree with Spirit Deer---get rid of all the high school and college stuff except maybe a couple of papers that have some sentimental value. I did that with some research papers I wrote; everything else got dumped.

Shred anything that may be of a financial or private nature. Some communities have periodic free Shred Days where you can take a few bags or boxes of things to be securely shredded. Our local Better Business Bureau sponsors two each year, one each in the spring and the fall, as well as a few banks and credit unions.

You can take pictures of things then get rid of the things. You still have a memento but not the bulk of the items.

I think there are some threads here at Frugal Village about decluttering that might be helpful. Peter Walsh's books and some websites (Google "decluttering sites/organization sites") have been useful to me.
 
#6 ·
I think you have to understand your priorities? Why does "stuff" have such significance in your life? There is always an underlying reason for hanging on to things that are of no value to you. Do you have a friend who can help you sort through your possessions? You could probably bless many people who could use the stuff in your boxes, even the magazines. Living simply has such freedom.
 
#8 ·
Most of what I have now has memories attached to it. I'm very sentimental. I can probably tell you a story about every single thing that other people see as useless junk. Still, if it's going to be packed up in a box, I need to get rid of it or find a useful way to repurpose it.

Plus, I just love pretty things. They don't have to be fancy or valuable, just something that makes me smile when I see it. For example, I have a decent sized shell collection. I know which beach every shell came from, and most of them came from the island my mother grew up on where I spent a lot of time with my grandmother, who I loved dearly. Giving up those shells we found together is like giving away a part of my heart. Yes, I could keep one special shell, but honestly, I don't want to. They don't take up much space, and they are a part of me.

When I was hoarding, it was insecurity due to some family and relationship issues. I went to therapy for a year to get over that, and although it was hard to let go of things, I did. Most of what I have left is what I have managed to hold on to after losing everything else, so giving it up brings all those feelings up again.
 
#9 ·
You probably should keep things like the shells - those really are special. I don't know how many there are. Could they be displayed in a shadow box frame - that would hang on the wall and not take up much space. If there are too many for that, they could go in a clear glass container, maybe a big round bowl, and they could be rearranged occasionally so different ones are on the outside and visible. It would be a shame to keep them packed away. (Disclaimer - I love seashells, so I'm an easy sell on these.)

You might also consider with the really old stuff that's been packed for years - just discard theboxes without even going through them. Obviously you haven't needed it, but if you see it, every bit of it will exert it's individual pull again, and in the end, it seems that would make it much harder. Hundreds of wrenching one by one decisions instead of one awful yank and and the tooth is out. That might not work for you at all, but it's something to consider.
 
#10 ·
We went through an extreme decluttering process two years ago and I can't begin to tell you what freedom now to live in our much smaller home. Here is what I would do - I wouldn't even open those boxes that haven't been opened for years. As for the other stuff, dump the contents onto the floor, pick up each piece and ask yourself if it 'sparks joy' - if not, get rid of it.

I can honestly say that of all the many van loads of stuff we brought to the thrift store, I haven't missed anything....not ONE THING! Now if I can just work on my hubby to get rid of a few more books :)
 
#11 ·
Thing is, I can't NOT open the boxes. The reason I haven't opened them is that I was not settled into a permanent place. Now that I am, I need to go through and decide what stays and what goes. A lot of things I just don't need, like tablecloths from my old 5 ft. long table (which I no longer have) and things in colors that don't fit into the new decor, or linens that no longer fit the beds (I had a queen and now I have a twin and am getting a full). Some things fit into other places I lived as "make do" items, but won't fit into the decor I have in mind for this place.

I'm also decluttering by "attrition." I have a lot of toiletries and such, so as I use those up, I just won't replace them. I'll finally get down to just what I need and a spare. I got into stockpiling for awhile, so I have multiples of things like soaps, shampoos and cleaning solutions that I need to use up.

I took a bag of too small clothes to Goodwill today. I have my three crates set up, and I have been pretty brutal. It's hard to let go of perfectly good things, being as frugal as I am, but I need to be able to set up my bedroom as such, instead of using it as a storage room.
 
#12 ·
It's hard for me to let go of good things too, or things I can think of ways to repurpose, and I'm really, really good at repurposing. But I had to accept some hard truths, like that I cannot organize my way out of the mess we have (which is hugely improved, but we're still not done) and that I don't have to repurpose something just because I can. I'm working on keeping only things I have a genuine use for, or that we absolutely love. Still haven't perfected those last two, but we're working on it. We didn't get into this mess overnight and can't fix it overnight either.

Another thing that I think is important is to allow ourselves to make mistakes. Nobody is going to make the 'correct' decisions about what to keep or get rid of 100% of the time. We're not going to beat ourselves up if we get rid of something and decide later we should have kept it. So far we've gotten rid of thousands of things and only regretted maybe a half dozen, and nothing very important.
 
#13 ·
If you are renting I would be really careful with the hoarding...you could end up homeless if the owner finds out. That's motivation enough.

At the end of the day, you want to live in a nice, clean space or you don't...thats really the truth of it.

For me, I see pics of peoples living rooms filled with laundry baskets, clutter, boxes, too many pets & I go insane. I just simply cannot fathom living like that or letting others see that I live that way.

Start today.
 
#15 ·
What fw said!

Going through everything will work only if you are ruthless. When I was going through huge plastic bags of paperwork that had belonged to my parents, there were a lot of things I wanted to keep (I'm a sentimental packrat) but I ended up tossing practically everything. I did find some treasures: a copy of my birth certificate, my Daddy's discharge papers from the service after WWII, the hospital bill when my brother was born in 1951. Those, of course, were keepers. You must be discriminating.
 
#16 ·
A few thoughts I'd like to put out there in case they might be of some help to you-
-you say you are sentimental- could you cut down on the amount of 'stuff' that tugs at your heart by starting a special photo album of items that are special to you for this reason? Take a picture of a sentimental item so you can look at it and enjoy the memories associated with the object, but let go of the item itself. Keep only a SMALL number of the most important items instead of a photo.
-I have not had hoarding issues, but do sometimes feel too much 'stuff' creeping up on me, and I understand feeling overwhelmed by trying to prioritize when there is only so much room. One trick I use with myself is what I like to think of 'playing a game of 10'. When I 'play' that game, I have to find 10 items in the place (drawer, closet, room, house) that we really don't need and toss or donate them. The number changes depending on when I last went through the space with this mission and how much time or motivation I have. Maybe your number would be 5, or 25, or 10 like I usually do. It's kind of a silly way I 'trick' myself into decluttering, but it works well for me and perhaps would make it a little easier for you to not feel so challenged on cutting back. Baby steps!

I lied- one more thought-
-working to declutter is terrific, but only works if you STOP bringing in more. Something to keep an eye on so you're not sabotaging your efforts!
 
#17 ·
I've noticed that one good thing I have been doing is recycling more of the stuff I collected. When I moved here, I filled two large recycling bins and did not have room to recycle anything more, so I left all my glass jars collected from groceries behind. I had collected sooooo many plastic containers to repurpose for gardening, and I recycled all of those. I'm still going through gardening stuff and recycling, because I literally have boxes and boxes of gardening things which I have no room for. I've started putting plants into pretty pots I had stored for years (nowhere to put them) and tossing the old plastic food containers they were planted in. I used to collect toilet paper rolls to use to start seeds, but I got one small box, flattened out a bunch of them, then started recycling the new ones.

I've pared down 10 boxes to 5 in the last week, tossed out 3 boxes of useless stuff and donated 2, so I'm getting there. Not as brutal as I maybe should have been, but brutal, nonetheless. I was proud of myself for finally letting go of the smaller size and "knockaround" clothes instead of insisting I would one day wear them or would need them as rags or for crafts. As I get shelves/bookcases and start putting things out, I'm finding that I am wanting to donate a bunch of the chatchkes that I used to treasure.

It may take me another year to do this, but it's getting done. I'll be back into my bedroom by the end of the year.
 
#19 ·
It's a process. I don't think you can go through stuff once and be done, if you're dealing with large amounts of stuff. You have to think some things over a while. We just trashed a big bunch of boxes Husby got at work when the whole building got new phones. They're flat boxes with attached lids that open like a trunk, and they're the perfect size for lots of things. During Round One we dumped a bunch of those. Now we're starting to work on Round Two and I broke up a bunch more this morning. We still have a dozen or so and if we haven't found a purpose for them by the time we get to Round Three, they'll most likely go. One of my goals here is to get rid of as much cardboard storage as possible and switch over to nicer, more durable containers. We aren't going to be able to do that with everything, but it feels good to get rid of some more of them.

I can recognize some of my strategies in what you said. I've gotten rid of tons of old glass jars. I have more tons of unusual and vintage canning jars. Why do I need to use boring grocery store jars? I rarely save those anymore, unless I have a very specific purpose for them, like the few jars I've saved that fit in the door of our camper fridge. And using my nice planters instead of old crappy stuff. Both of those fall under the habit I'm working on developing of "If you don't love it or truly need it, get rid of it." That rule helps in so many categories, such as hobby supplies, bedding, clothing, etc.
 
#20 ·
I made a lot of progress today! My internet was down all day, so I decided instead of reading, I would go through boxes. I got rid of several large boxes and one small one. Most of the large boxes were packed with fragile things and were filled with mostly packing material, which is great for moving, but not needed for storage. I already had some small tomato boxes unpacked that I was saving to break up the stuff in the large boxes, and I found that after taking out the packing material, I could get most of the large box contents into a smaller box, or maybe two.

The things I couldn't bear to part with, I just stuck into boxes to go through later. I did think of a use for all those old canvas notebooks with the teenage writing all over them. I'm going to take some of them and turn them into a pin board. Not exactly sure how yet, but I'm going to ask my artist friend what she thinks and how to best do it. That way, they become useful and decorative and I get to keep some of them.

Also have five plastic grocery bags full of small-sized clothes to give away. That was hard, because I always tell myself I'm going to lose weight, and I had not even worn some of them, because I bought them in smaller sizes to encourage myself to lose. I had to finally face the fact that even if I do lose, I'll likely never be a size 10 again, so I took all the 10s and small sized clothes to give away. I hung on to a couple of the 12s, because I could possibly get back down to that size, but if I ever get back to a 10, I'll want all new stuff!

I have a really nice heavy wool pea jacket that I've had for many years. It's pretty useless down here in FL, and it doesn't fit me. I'm finally going to get rid of that. I also have a small leather jacket but I'm going to sell that. I feel like I did really well today. I can tell a difference in the stack of boxes.
 
#21 ·
what you are doing is comendible but If you dont mind let me tweak a few of your thoughts. Do NOT find uses for stuff. If you dont need it,pass it on. You said you found a use for the folders and would ask your artist friend... Just donate them,they are just folders. Now is a great time to sell that coat. All us Northerners are prepping for winter-coats incl. (you deserve all new stuff)
I tell myself its not Christian to keep stuff someone else could be using. And that God will send me what I need-always. That moves me.
And yes,you have done well.

Dh burned that bad of paperwork and that other shoebox. He also cleared out the old garden of brush-just an overall sense of relief.
This week the clutter in the car need sorting.
 
#23 ·
They are not "just folders." They are my notebooks from high school. Maybe you didn't do this growing up, but we always had canvas notebooks that we wrote all over. Those notebook covers are treasures to me, with lots of happy memories. If I can turn them into something I need anyway, why not? To me, that's repurposing, not hoarding.

Glad you're making some progress! My car used to be such a mess half the time. I'd make a major effort and clean it out really well, then a month later, it was full of stuff again. I'm glad I don't have a car now. It's one less thing to have to keep up with.
 
#25 ·
SimplyDeb: about shells. I keep mine from the coast in a wooden tray with sides on it (that I inherited from Mom) on my coffee table as a centrepiece. It reminds me of the ocean near where I was born and lived my childhood. :)

I think you're doing remarkably well! Keep at it! :clap:

We are looking at some serious downsizing in our future too. Need to go through the house and make a list of all the furniture to get rid of. Then systematically go through the rooms and figure out what I'm going to do with each item. That's hard for me, because I can't see the forest through the trees. I want to keep everything "because it might be useful someday." :sigh:
 
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