I'm Having Serious Withdrawals!

[dolphin]

You all know how I"m trying to declutter my life and home and I just had a yard sale and got rid of oodles of stuff, well, there's still so much more so I'm having another yard sale this weekend, yep, Friday and Saturday.

I'm really excited about getting rid of more things but..........now I'm having horrible withdrawals and regret from selling stuff so cheap. I've looked on ebay for some of the stuff that I sold for $5.00 and $2.00 and ebay prices were $10 to $25! Now keep in mind I've already sold over $1000 worth of stuff on ebay last year, we had an estate auctioneer come out and take 2 trailor loads of stuff and sold that, I've donated lots of stuff, I've thrown away gobs and it barely made a dent in the mounds of stuff which is why I decided I needed to have a yard sale.

I'm also having a hard time not feeling violated because of all of the stuff that was stolen during the yard sale last weekend..... Our garage was robbed 3 times last winter and spring and I am having the same feelings I did then.

I wake up every 2 to 3 hours during the night and think about all of this "stuff" and I'm finding I think about it all day long. It's really getting me down and I've just got to find a way to forget about it. I thought I would feel so good to see all the stuff gone and now I'm having these emotional issues of feeling cheated and robbed.

I guess this post could have gone in the support forum. What I need is some ideas of how to just let it go and confirmation that I'm doing the right thing by selling all this stuff so cheap when it is my MIL's lifetime of collections.

Has anyone else had to deal with this kind of feeling of loss while decluttering? What did you do? How do you cope with all of these "feelings"?

[FrugalMomof3]

I have these feelings everytime I have a yard sale, I start thinking I should have kept it or I should have sold it for more, the only thing I can think of to let go is to realize it's already gone and there's nothing you can do to get it back.

Believe me we've probably all been there many many times, but you have to let go and realize you sold those things for you and your family, you gave away other items to help others in need.

You did a great job, no need to feel guilty.

[SHOPGIRL]

Carolyn,

Well, I understand where your coming from. Yes, it's true you could have received more money for things if you had listed them on ebay. However, it takes a tremendous amount of time to list items, package them, go to the post office.

It sounds like you have so much "stuff" in your house, it makes your home environment difficult to live in. So, rather than look at it as your losing money, etc... Just keep focusing on what a relief it is to be letting go of all this "stuff". Plus, you are making a little money at the same time. Most likely the people getting a good deal on your "stuff" could really use a good deal so you are helping them out.

So, don't think about what you let go off, thing about all the space you've reclaimed in your house and the money that you've made.

It's just "stuff".

I'm going to share a bit about my own experience with "stuff". My grandmother had always talked about what "stuff" in her house she planned on giving her family. When she died, my uncle who was in charge of the estate decided to have an estate auction. If we wanted something, we had to buy it. At the time, I was in poor financial shape and I couldn't afford to buy anything at the estate sale. So, I never got any "stuff" from my grandmother and for a time, it was upseting to my family, especially my father. It would have been nice to have a couple things. So, instead of having "stuff", I have memories. Memories take up a lot less space in the house!

[canadian gardener]

Yes, I do.

Sometimes it hits unexpectedly, and I find it's an emotional letting go, that I didn't quite finish.

Books and stuff that belonged to someone dear to me who gave me that thing are hardest.

I would say there might be a bit of grief work going on there.

Takes time.

I find it helps to imagine that stuff liberated floating freely to find some other owner to bless.

Even if stuff got stolen, it's like the stuff has a life of it's own. The thief may THINK they own it, but the thief will have it stolen from them eventually, or they will have to sell it for drug money to the consignment shop, and someone else will come along, and buy it, and enjoy it.

Good stuff isn't trash, and people will rescue it. It will have a long and honourable life, floating thru the universe, being a blessing to others because you let go of it, to be that blessing. No thief can hold something that God wants to go on to someone else.

Remember that poem Footprints? The true story is the poet wrote it, and it along with her car full of belonging was stolen. A few years later it turned up as a Hallmark card. The author went thru a long period of proving ownership, but she did in the end.

Meanwhile God used the poem to bless so many people that otherwise might never have seen that fragment of beauty and comfort.

The other thing that helps is remembering that the thing and the person are separate.

So even though my mil is gone now and I do miss her very very much, I keep some but NOT ALL of what she gave. There is a pang everyonce in a while when I do that mental separating but she gave a lot, and if I didn't cull it, I'd drown in it.

So keep the best things that you will use and enjoy and look at with loving thoughts and happy memories, and let go the rest that may have happy connections to her, but is just not the best of the best.

Edit it down that way and remember you aren't throwing HER out, you are honouring her by having a good life which was what she intended anyway when you get down to the nitty gritty.

Say it over and over if you have to. I am not throwing a person that I loved away by releasing their stuff. I edited it down to the truly special things that I can use or look at every day, and the rest, it's in God's hands.

[dolphin]

Thank you all for such wise and much needed advice and wisdom. I'm sorry that others have faced this but I do feel a bit better knowing it's not just me with some wierd emotional issue. I see that it is common and yes, I do think it is a part of the grieving process and what we should have done was to have an auction the week we moved here and just let things go so that we wouldn't have attached ourselves to so many items over the last 7 years.

Having lived like this for all these 7 years my only advice to anyone else who is faced with this situation (having to dispose of a loved ones personal property) is to pick out no more than 5 things that are special to them and let the rest go. Call the auctioneer and even if you barely cover the cost of a dinner out, then you have gained so much more in the space and clutter free living.

Thank you ladies.

[FrugalMomof3]

Well said Dolphin!

[pkellyc]

I have my mothers things but we have 5 kids in our family so anything that anyone didn't want we gave to charity. Have you thought about special neighbors, neices or nephews? My mother was so well loved things that we thought were junk some of these people wanted. I have a cousin who made a wreath just to put Aunt Betty's enourmous silk butterfly on that was 12 years ago and it's still hanging in her livingroom.
She was close to so many of her neighbors that I was amazed at how many chose such small things to remember her by. This was much better than a little cash and we still get to visit some of her things.

[AmyBoz]

You've gotten some great advice here, Dolphin. It is important that we remember that letting go of "things" can sometimes be very difficult, even though it's necessary if we are truly to live a simpler, more peaceful life. Best of luck to you!

[leeleeaub]

I can totally understand this. I miss all my things I had before we moved here. It is so funny to me how we become so attatched to "material" items.

[canadian gardener]

How you doing Carolyn? Thinking of you today.

I may be a continual dejunker but there are some things that are much harder than others, and the griefwork dejunking is the WORST AND HARDEST so just sending a little hug your way.

[dolphin]

Thank you for thinking of me. I took 4 days off the computer to just do the yard sale.

I'm feeling much better about the "things" that have left here. I still feel a little heart tug when someones brings up an item that I wasn't aware was even in the sale (this happens when you have non family helping you) but I just smile and tell them the price and "let it go".

I do have lots of pictures and I have lots of fond memories so I am blessed with so much. My MIL and FIL were such awesome people and there aren't many here in town that knew her and none that knew him as she moved here shortly before she passed away but a UPS driver came to the sale yesterday and he went on and on about what a neat lady she was and I know he truely meant it. Unfortunately, dh's family doesn't want any items unless they can sell them to make some money so all the things would still go to strangers and not be cherished.

Please keep me in your thoughts as I continue this endeavor of decluttering and releasing. Thanks, Carolyn

[canadian gardener]

Oh Carolyn, bless your heart.

HUGS honey!!!!!