Make my marriage better challenge

**Buckeye5** · 06-15-2009, 11:28 AM

DH and I have been married almost 25 years this September, high school sweethearts, oppsites from politics to socializing, but the same on moral and most family issues. I don't know but I am feeling a bit in a boring relationship, before we were so busy with the kids and work, that that was our social llife, kids are now in college but one still in high school. We live in the country no neighbors quit going to church because of some unchristitan like behaviors of others, (need to go back though), not a lot of $$, medical bills (his) college expenses, a few cc's, and other few debt items. Anyway he complains about $$$ and lack of savings, we do nothing, I clean the house and work,etc. his hobby is his Dad's farm (where he is now), anyway I am going to challenge myself to make it better, maybe going to church, do more $$$ planning together, find some free festivals etc. so my challenge to everyone else here in a relationship that has become a bit boring: try to make it better, any advice or comments appreciated.

**Contrary Housewife** · 06-15-2009, 11:55 AM

I think finding free things to do would be a good idea. Go for walks, go to the fireworks display, etc. Getting on the same page with finances is always a good idea. You can start saving with a goal in mind, maybe a long weekend someplace together?

**frugalwarrior** · 06-15-2009, 12:08 PM

Buckeye5 sounds like you have the same angst i have. My husband is gone 5 of 7 days most weeks. It has gotten awkward when he's home. He doesn't seem to realize were not in suspended animation when he's gone. We have to get used to each other again and then he leaves. i miss him when he's gone and he bores me when he's here.
I started working on me. My kids are older. I got a more expensive hair cut. Lost 17# and counting. I think I might take a class at the college in the fall. Had a cyst on my eye removed. If I'm happier w/ myself I'll be happier in our marriage.
He can't help it if he's burnt out. He doesn't need to entertain me. I just have to readjust. This is a tough economy. people are doing what they will to survive. My dad always told us,If your bored your probably boring.

**missyali** · 06-15-2009, 05:06 PM

I hear you! We are just so busy with kids and work that we are exhausted and have no energy left at the end of the day. I bought a snack dh loves today. The kids can watch a movie in the basement or will go to bed early so he & I can watch a movie and hang out. Keep posting your ideas ~ I need all the help I can get!

**ml2620** · 06-15-2009, 06:14 PM

Ok, probably not what you have in mind but google ed youngs 7 day challenge.

Tmi warning...

Dh and I have been trying to have a baby for almost a year. Lots of pressure, emotion etc. In the last month or so we have switched gears and commited to sex for sex sake every day. Its had a huge impact on our relationship. He loves feeling wanted and appreciated and I do too. We get along better, listen more argue less and smile more. Others have noticed!!

**gapeach** · 06-15-2009, 09:31 PM

My husband and I aren't bored with one another but I am constantly trying to find things that we enjoy. One thing that I've started doing when the weather allows is to set up dinner out on our deck table. We love to eat outside and end up sitting ourside and talking for hours. Also, I will pack up a picnic lunch and we'll go to a nearby park and eat.

**Momto2Boyz** · 06-16-2009, 10:51 AM

Dh and I find that simply making time together is important. We go through the week, super busy and it drives us crazy. So now, we NEVER make plans on Sunday and it is our day to spend together (with the kids). We don't leave the house, we do yard work together, then spend the rest of the day, hanging out with nothing to do. We sit on the patio together in nice weather or inside on a yucky day.

But having that time to do nothing makes a difference in our relationship. We find ourselves talking and chatting about the things we dont have time for during the week, and it helps us feel closer, and even though it sounds "boring", it really isn't, since it gives us a chance to slow down and reconnect each week!

**craftypam** · 06-16-2009, 10:59 AM

Originally Posted by Momto2Boyz

Dh and I find that simply making time together is important. We go through the week, super busy and it drives us crazy. So now, we NEVER make plans on Sunday and it is our day to spend together (with the kids). We don't leave the house, we do yard work together, then spend the rest of the day, hanging out with nothing to do. We sit on the patio together in nice weather or inside on a yucky day.

But having that time to do nothing makes a difference in our relationship. We find ourselves talking and chatting about the things we dont have time for during the week, and it helps us feel closer, and even though it sounds "boring", it really isn't, since it gives us a chance to slow down and reconnect each week!

I don't think it sounds boring at all. We do that all the time and now my sons are grown and out and we enjoy each others company. Communication is good for your relationship always.

**Buckeye5** · 06-28-2009, 11:44 AM

things are getting better... seemed to have communicated a bit more and tried a few stolen moments together. thanks for all of your input

**AmyBoz** · 06-28-2009, 12:50 PM

Glad to hear things are improving, Buckeye! You got a lot of great advice in this thread! It's always interesting to get a glimpse into the relationships of others so we can see that what we face, often others are experiencing the same thing.

**strezzed** · 06-28-2009, 07:56 PM

Great update!

**jlaporte** · 07-01-2009, 02:21 PM

im in the same boat. i even took off to see a friend toget away for a week. that really helped. he had to do it all. but it opened his eyes and we both decided to try to work on us but not force it to just let it happen. we talk now. we try to go for nice walks on the beach together when weather allows,leave the older kids at home. he likes to go grocery shopping with me. we go for rides and we sit and talk now. what also helps is the counseling and we both know we need to work on each other inorder to work on us. he knows he needs his own life as i need mine.its hard but we r trying to not devorce,thats where we were heading before my trip.

**pollypurebred39** · 07-01-2009, 03:23 PM

Buckeye5,

My marriage is not boring, just on hold due to the economy. Does that make sense? Since my husband lost his real job now 21 months ago he has had to do whatever he can to keep us afloat, which means he is rarely home except to eat & sleep, or fix something broken in our house, which is what he's doing tonight after work. Toilets leaking all over the place, it sprung several leaks at once, I've never seen anything like it before, I hope he can fix it.

Anyway, lack of time together is a big deal. We found ourselves saying things like I miss you as we were saying goodnight. My husband started becoming clingy in his sleep, not the norm. We feel ourselves being pulled away from each other, it makes us kind of grouchy with each other sometimes. We each are making efforts to improve our marriage during this time, but it's not easy so I'll join you on your challenge. I think most marriages are starving and could use a bit of TLC.

I think I'll start by doing something kind for my husband everyday. I don't know what yet, I think I'll just let the opportunity present itself. I expect it will be something surrounding the toilet fixing tonight. I expect to hear a few cuss words coming out of my normally well spoken husband tonight, plumbling frustrates him, or rather, our broken down mess of plumbling in our house and lack of money to just replace what's anicient frustrates him.

So that's it, I'll do something kind for my husband everyday and let it grow. I'll let you know how it went.

**mauimagic** · 07-01-2009, 03:30 PM

Polly, that is such a terrific idea and sounds as if it could become contagious!!

"So that's it, I'll do something kind for my husband everyday and let it grow." and I'm going to do the same. Mahalo for the great idea!!

**pollypurebred39** · 07-01-2009, 11:54 PM

So it went about as I expected, he started with darn and crap and it became more colorful from there. After he fixed the leaks and had it all put back together he discovered a new leak sprung! He won't be able to get to it till July 4th. Before he had even finished the toilet today he went downstairs and found that the hot water heater was leaking and the basement was flooded and all of my son's things are ruined. His room is in the basement! More colorful words.

Not much I could do to show kindness tonight except when he stepped outside to destress, I brought him a cold glass of iced tea and I worked really hard at ignoring his dispostion and just smiled and was pleasant, even while barking orders at me through out fixing the toilet and later when he discovered our basement flooded. I only slipped once, but I caught myself and shoved the rest of what I had to say back up.

So I'd say Mission Kindness faired well tonight.