Article: Letting Go Of Anger

**Sara Noel** · 11-11-2002, 01:19 AM

Letting Go Of Anger
By Sibyl McLendon

Anger is one of the most difficult emotions to eliminate from our lives. Deep-seated anger is a common thread in the lives of people who have been abused as children, had abusive relationships as adults and with people who have been wronged in some way that left them feeling powerless.

Anger is subtle; it seeps into our lives and takes hold without us usually being able to recognize it for what it really is. Few people wake up in the morning angry. Most people think that reacting in an angry manner to life's troubles is the right way to handle things. Most people feel that their anger is justified, based on whatever it is that they had to endure.

I have no doubt that if you are angry, then you have had a
hard time in life. I do not disregard your pain, or that whatever happened to you was wrong. I do think that anger is a poor way of life. It hurts, it takes valuable energy away from more productive ways of handling things, and it alienates people. Hanging on to old angers and hurts can make you sick.

Some people don't even know that they have allowed anger to
rule their lives. They react in anger yet can't see that the anger may be coming from a completely different source. If you are touchy, and quick to anger, then it is very possible that the anger comes from some long-ago hurt, and really has nothing to do with what set you off today. Anger can easily become habitual.

Life is not fair. I am sure that you can hear your past echoing with this phrase; we hear this all the time. Bad things often happen to good people. People get hurt, injured and sick, they become disabled, are the victims of prejudice and hate, people die. Bad things happen to children. They are abused, physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually. It can be an ugly world, and I am not going to try and sway your belief system here. Although
I believe that everything happens for a reason and that there really is order in the universe, I don't expect you to accept that.

I just want to help you get rid of the anger.

Anger lives hand-in-hand with fear. Chances are good that
whatever happened in your life that made you angry also made
you fearful. Someone or something made you feel powerless.
When we feel as if we have no control in our lives, it makes us angry. If you can recognize that then you are well on your way. Can you isolate what or who made you feel this way?

If your anger has a face or a name, then it is easier to eliminate. And I am assuming that a confrontation with this person is not possible. Even if it is possible, it may not be advisable. The following techniques are not based on having any contact with the person at all.

There is just one thing that is absolutely necessary for any of these techniques to work, however. You have GOT to be ready to let it go. If you are not prepared to let the anger go and to then go on with your life in a new way, then this is pointless. Many people are wearing their pain and anger like a coat; they cling to it like a security blanket. These people are not prepared for a life without anger, and doing these techniques are pointless. However, if you are tired of living in anger and fear, if you are ready to try something new in your life, then this is for you.

So not get discouraged if you have to do one or more of these more than once. Anger is insidious and it takes some time to eliminate. Keep at it! If you are honestly giving this a try and dedicated in your desire, they will work for you.

1. Writing a letter. Over the course of at least a week, write a letter to the person who has hurt you and made you angry. Really let yourself go with this. Say exactly what it is that you always wanted to say to them! Be brutal, and try to include everything that you feel that they did to hurt you. Get it all out on paper. When you think that you are finished, then have a ceremony and burn the letter. By a ceremony, I mean make it meaningful for you. Light some candles, burn some incense, invite someone to the burning if it is appropriate. As you burn the paper, affirm, pray and/or state clearly that you are releasing this! Clearly see the anger going up in smoke. When you are done, bury the ashes. If you can, plant something living over where you buried the ashes. That way, something beautiful can
grow out of the pain and anger; it becomes something that
you can nurture. When you see the plant, you can feel good
about what you have done, and it becomes a living monument
to your new life.

2. Breaking stuff. Go to a second-hand store, a garage sale or somewhere else where you can buy some cheap dishes, vases
or some things that are breakable. Find a time when you can be alone, and a place where you can be isolated and undisturbed. Get a large trashcan or something to hold the mess you are going to make. Now, start breaking! I want you to really get physical here. Heave those dishes as hard as you possibly can, and while you are breaking them, yell and scream! Tell the perpetrator of your anger and pain just exactly what you think of them. Say everything that you always wanted to say to them. Get it all out. Just make sure that wherever you do this, you are safe. We do not want to have to explain this to the police that your neighbors have called because they think someone is being
murdered! When you are done, go treat yourself to something
indulgent.

3. Talk to the chair. Get a chair. If you can, put a photo of the person that hurt you and put it in the chair, if you don't have a photo then just do your best to imagine that they are sitting in it. Sit down across from the chair and tell the person everything that you ever wanted to say. Again, let that anger out! Yell, scream, cry, swear… just let them have it! This technique usually takes more than one session to work, but if you really throw yourself into it, it can really help.

4. Give it to the Creator. The universe can handle your anger. It can transform it. If you have done the other techniques, this is a good way of getting closure as well. Take a bath or a shower, and as you are letting the water run over you, say that all the anger and pain and negativity is washing harmlessly down the drain. Give it up. Say that you are washing it from your life and giving it over to the Creator, the universe, your angels or guides… it doesn't matter whom you give it to as long as you give it up.

These techniques can help you if you let them. As I said before, you have got to be willing to let it go and find a new way of being in the world. Try to replace that anger with forgiveness, or love, or at least patience. Be fearless! You have nothing to lose but your anger, and everything to gain. You have got to be willing to let it go and find a new way of being in the world. Try to replace that anger with forgiveness, or love, or at least patience. Be fearless! You have nothing to lose but your anger, and everything to gain.

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Sibyl McLendon is 1/2 Navajo, and is a personal spiritual coach for
Circle Of Grace http://www.circle-of-grace.com.
Circle Of Grace is a unique blending of Native American spirituality
and holistic wellness coaching. Sign up for a free coaching session!