Avoiding Children to Save Money

**Wooly Milk** · 10-05-2008, 03:51 AM

I am a 24 year old male. I save approximately 90% of my income. I drive as little as possible to save on fuel costs. I have few friends because recreation with friends is often expensive. As a result I do feel quite lonely.

I am at the age now where I am starting to feel incredible desire for female companionship. I also feel a desire to start a big family with lots of children.

However, I have been taught by my frugal parents to suppress my desires in order to save money. This means that even though I have a desire to produce children, through frugal habit and behavior I suppress these desires.

Is this healthy? When I told my parents about this desire I have, they told me that children are an exception to the only-buy-necessities rule. When I asked them why, they said, "If we didn't have children, you wouldn't be alive!" But that didn't really answer the question of why children are a necessity.

What should I do? Should I go on a spending spree and splurge to buy female attention and children or should I continue to be frugal, which means that I must sacrifice friendship, family, and children?

**Greebo** · 10-05-2008, 08:10 AM

Seek a frugal mate! There are a lot of frugal potential mates out there. Heck, there's quite a few frugal females who are single on this site - but I'm not suggesting you start using FV as a dating service...

That said, I suspect if you're saving 90% of your income, you need to lighten up a little bit.

I respect your parent's position, and you're a smart young man for following their guidance, but one can be too frugal. Life doesn't have much point if all you do is save.

After all, there's a difference between frugality and being a miser. Frugality is
I respect your parent's position, and you're a smart young man for following their guidance, but one can be too frugal.use of one's resources. If you aren't enjoying life as much as you should - if you're lonely - and if it's partly because of how much you do NOT spend...maybe you should let a little go. Not much - just a little - for your own sake. Saving too much isn't wisdom.

As for finding the right woman - she'll come along when you're ready, and not a minute before. Don't try to rush it - you'll only regret it in the long run if you do.

Welcome to FV - good to have more men on board!

**joyofsix** · 10-05-2008, 08:18 AM

Well, I'm undoubtedly the wrong one to ask, but I've always worked on the premise that children aren't expensive, lifestyles are.

**Greebo** · 10-05-2008, 08:21 AM

Excellent point!

**annymoll** · 10-05-2008, 08:45 AM

Do you still live at home? It does not appear to me that you are ready for a relationship or children,and it has nothing to do with finances. Have a home of your own, independent of your parents. Then look at a relationship and children.

**Dancing Lotus** · 10-05-2008, 08:58 AM

I know a woman who is in her 50's. She too saves 90% of her income. Always has always will. She does not have many friends because going out cost too much money. She won't even buy a drink if she eats out. OF course she only eats out if she has a gift certificate and a coupon. Still lives at home with her parents , oh and did I mention she is still a virgin because she has never been on a date.
Well this yr she was diagnosed with MS and it's bad. If just a few short months she has become totally dependent on her aging parents.
All she can do is think about regrets now. She never had children and never will. Never owned anything of her own and never will now. Now she is going to die sick and alone but with lots of money that she can't take with her.

Change all those she's to he's and this could be your story one day. I'm not making this story up, she lives across the street from my mom. Never put money before your desire for family or you will never have one. Yes it is wise to financially resposable and frugal but what good is it if you have nothing else?

**ladykemma2** · 10-05-2008, 09:31 AM

being a miser - life is meant to be loved and enjoyed. pain and joy, sorrow and peace. how much of these financial teachings of your parents is useful to you? you can take what you like and leave the rest.

if you are caucasian, you won't get a date as long as you live in your parents house. caucasian women won't date a male who still lives with mommy. other cultures are different. i suspect you are asian.

allow yourself a $20 to go to a dinner and movie with friends, or a happy hour. have fun. make friends at university.

my aunt, a lonely miser, worked for the ford motor company in the mailroom for a working lifetime. she banked her entire income and lived with her parents until they died; she inherited the house and estate. now, in her 60s and never having lived a life, she sits in that empty lonely house with her million dollars. she won't even spend some money to renovate the 1940s kitchen. she won't take a cruise, or go on a trip, or have a lover. how sad.

**Darlene** · 10-05-2008, 09:36 AM

Spending time with others enriches your life and doesn't need to cost alot monetarily. Like the outdoors? Join a hiking group, these people know how to find joy in the simple things in life. Equipment costs very little and if it's something you like you can branch off into camping etc and if you spend your money well you can have equipment that will last forever. You may even find your sweetie out there,a wise investment, eh? If that's not your thing find something else. Your biggest asset is you not your portfolio and just like that should be diversified, so should you. Money isn't just for saving, it's there to help give us a good quality of life. You know whats missing in yours so get out there & make it the happiest you can. Invest some time & money into your most important commodity, you. Go on, get going. :winking:

**ladykemma2** · 10-05-2008, 09:58 AM

from a dave ramsey Total Money Makeover point of view, you are:

debt free
six months emergency fund is set up and more

Now:
finish university and get an outstanding job that makes you smile
save cash for car replacement
get a house that payments and other costs are no more than 25% of your take home pay (within reason - from your other question - if i were you i would go ahead and get a house). you will also need money to furnish the house slowly piece by piece.
15% to retirement in pre-tax retirement accounts like Roth IRA and 401K/403B
save for childrens education
pay off house early
build wealth and give some money away.
live!

**mom2three** · 10-05-2008, 10:20 AM

I have to agree with the statement that children aren't expensive - lifestyles are - thanks for that.

What do you think will make you happy? It does sound like you are forgoing joy for saving money. This does not mean you become a big spender, but that you choose wisely. I like the idea of getting involved - a hiking group, co-ed curling, volunteer somewhere - so you have some interaction besides your parents.

Children are a joy. I never thought we would have 4 and when I had my first, we bought into they need x,y,z,a,b,c and then some! Now that I am home and not trying to compensate by buying stuff, some of my childens favourite activities are reading books (bought at library sale for 25 cents or less, gifts, etc), cutting paper (free flyers, old scraps), drawing, writing, playing outside, listening to stories from my childhood or that my grandparents told me etc. - very inexpensive. We garden together and do other things that people find frugal or too much work, but we love spending time together and we are helping the family together. You can be quite frugal and still have children without big miserly. You do not have to stop being frugal by nature to have children - you will probably find more joy in your children than people with all "the stuff". It is not overly healthy to suppress a desire for companionship or children just because of frugality. One can always make excuses not to have children or to get married. Hey - from aother perspective - people with mates are usually healthier - it could save on the medical bills in the long run 8-)!

I wouldn't necessarily change too much - i.e. don't become a big spender just because you can and just because you want to attract a mate. You want someone who cares for the real you. If you get out and meet people with frugal hobbies (other possibilities, free cultural events, community garden, etc.), you will likely meet a better mate than someone that is attracted to your money.

You have done very well financially - that's great. Don;t do it to the detriment of your happiness.

Amanda

**ladykemma2** · 10-05-2008, 10:35 AM

Originally Posted by Wooly Milk

I am a 24 year old male. I save approximately 90% of my income. I drive as little as possible to save on fuel costs. I have few friends because recreation with friends is often expensive. As a result I do feel quite lonely. it doesn't cost much to have people over for paghetti and garlic bread or go to the dollar movies

I am at the age now where I am starting to feel incredible desire for female companionship. I also feel a desire to start a big family with lots of children.this is great! you are quite normal.

However, I have been taught by my frugal parents to suppress my desires in order to save money. This means that even though I have a desire to produce children, through frugal habit and behavior I suppress these desires.

Is this healthy? When I told my parents about this desire I have, they told me that children are an exception to the only-buy-necessities rule. When I asked them why, they said, "If we didn't have children, you wouldn't be alive!" But that didn't really answer the question of why children are a necessity.

What should I do? Should I go on a spending spree and splurge to buy female attention and children or should I continue to be frugal, which means that I must sacrifice friendship, family, and children?

such erroneous black and white thinking. Someone has taught you some goofy thinking. you can attract a nice lady, and be frugal, have friends, and have a good life.

**Wooly Milk** · 10-05-2008, 10:50 AM

Here's an interesting observation: Frugal Village I thought was a place where members admired the frugal. In this thread, the frugal are put down.

if you are caucasian, you won't get a date as long as you live in your parents house. caucasian women won't date a male who still lives with mommy. other cultures are different. i suspect you are asian.

I'm surprised you guessed correctly.

Moving out of home carries with it both expenses and risk, so I don't think it would be suitable for someone who is frugal and risk-averse. My frugality and phobia of risk has kept me safe from many common traps that affect other young people, such as credit card debts, car loans, etc. Many of these victims got themselves into massive debt because of a reckless you-only-live-once attitude, and I fear that if I give in to my desire to produce children I will also be heading down the same path.

Anyway, thanks everyone for replying.

**ladykemma2** · 10-05-2008, 10:58 AM

Originally Posted by Wooly Milk

Here's an interesting observation: Frugal Village I thought was a place where members admired the frugal. In this thread, the frugal are put down.

I'm surprised you guessed correctly.

Moving out of home carries with it both expenses and risk, so I don't think it would be suitable for someone who is frugal and risk-averse. My frugality and phobia of risk has kept me safe from many common traps that affect other young people, such as credit card debts, car loans, etc. Many of these victims got themselves into massive debt because of a reckless you-only-live-once attitude, and I fear that if I give in to my desire to produce children I will also be heading down the same path.

Anyway, thanks everyone for replying.

Please stay. we were trying to tell you that being miserly is not a way to live life.

**Wooly Milk** · 10-05-2008, 11:21 AM

I'm not going to leave.

It's nice to be wanted!

**nvmommyx6** · 10-05-2008, 11:50 AM

Originally Posted by joyofsix

Well, I'm undoubtedly the wrong one to ask, but I've always worked on the premise that children aren't expensive, lifestyles are.

I agree with this whole heartedly, we have 6 children. we recieve no child support from the worthless ex's, we are not on welfare, we have 5 acres, a 4 bedroom 3 bathroom home and we make it!
We went for along time with me working 2 jobs ( my choice) and always had $$$ but it did not replace the family we wanted, Last year I wised up, retired from my full time job and it has taken some getting used to but we are happier now han we ever were with all that extra $$...and I am raising our children, not them raising themselves and lets face it, they were doin a crappy job!!

If your lonely, fix it, family's are worth more than the money you may be seeing them as!!