Do you think this is tacky from a family member

**Palooka** · 12-02-2008, 02:03 AM

So Christmas dinner is at my SIL and BIL house. I made a thread that I didn't show up for Thanksgiving(and that was the first time ever) so my SIL told my husband about the dinner on the 21st. She said tell your wife to bring green bean casserole. What? My husband said she won't want to make that.(because doesn't everybody make that. heh) He knows I like to have fun cooking at Christmas time and even find new recipes.

She said, okay, than have her make the dish she sent today.(broccoli casserole) Of course my husband didn't know what to say. heh.

So I am thinking I am a guest in her house and it is Christmas and I will make or take whatever the hell I want to!! I thought it was rude of her. I've always called her to ask what each other needs....but don't tell me what to make!

Maybe I want to take 3 vegetarian dishes so I have something to eat or maybe I want to make several dishes that I find new and fun to make or maybe I only have time to make one simple dish of what I can afford. Or maybe I can show up at your house without nothing!

She know's I will bring something. I just don't like how bossy she can be with me. I don't want a family member to try to manipulate me.

**joyofsix** · 12-02-2008, 06:01 AM

I guess it depends on your family. I would think it rude from a stranger but within my family we almost always say what is wanted. If it doesn't suit the maker we call and say, hey how about ____. Why didn't she just talk to you?

**nandmsmom** · 12-02-2008, 07:39 AM

Well, if I'm hosting I generally get to tell people what to bring. I'm not usually that specific, but I give a general idea.

**nancycg56** · 12-02-2008, 07:40 AM

If it were me, I would bring what she asked AND something else that I wanted to cook. I don't have a problem with family members asking me to bring a specific dish although I think it's weird she didn't ask you herself.

**DJ1972** · 12-02-2008, 07:45 AM

When I host, I never ask them to bring a specific dish. I just say, "side dish" or "dessert".....but then I ask them to let me know what they decide so I can make sure we don't have 3 or 4 of the same thing. Which usually isn't a problem in my family, they are more of a "show up empty handed, eat and leave" type of family lol. It used to stress me out, but I made a decision a few years ago not to let it bother me, no sense ruining the holiday spirit.

**IntlMom** · 12-02-2008, 07:50 AM

Originally Posted by nancycg56

If it were me, I would bring what she asked AND something else that I wanted to cook. I don't have a problem with family members asking me to bring a specific dish although I think it's weird she didn't ask you herself.

great idea

**Greebo** · 12-02-2008, 08:52 AM

Think of it as the price of admission.

You want to eat there. She wants you to bring broccoli casserole. Fair trade.

**BlessedMomof2** · 12-02-2008, 09:13 AM

Personally it doesn't bother me if someone (family or friend) asks me to bring a specific dish to a gathering. But generally we all make some offers of what we would be willing to bring.

**phoeny_moonstar** · 12-02-2008, 09:32 AM

The phone doesn't work in your city/state? She can't call you up and ask you to bring something or what you want to bring?

**VanVivCam** · 12-02-2008, 09:49 AM

I never ask people to bring food to my home for holiday meals. I take it upon myself to make everything. Now, if someone wants to bring something extra, that is OK with me.

I fed 18 people for Thanksgiving and didn't ask anyone to bring a thing. I personally like to be in charge of meals in my home and parties.

**mandi0808** · 12-02-2008, 09:55 AM

I am always told to bring a particular dish that I make that everyone likes.
I get kind of tired making it sometimes.
But I go ahead and make it because I know how much everyone likes it.
If I feel like making something else, I will bring that along too.
It keeps the peace and everyone is happy.

**Izzy0906** · 12-02-2008, 09:59 AM

Like a previous poster, I would think rude from a stranger but my family does it all the time. Whoever is having the dinner puts together the menu and then asks what you want to bring (dessert, side dish, appetizer) and if you pick appetizer for instance, they'll ask you to bring either deviled eggs or sausage balls (this is just an example). I guess in my opinion if I or a family member is making up a menu, I would make what they ask no problem. If I have my own special eatting requirements I would just make an extra dish.

**Ceashels** · 12-02-2008, 10:02 AM

I don't see a problem with her asking for a specific dish or that she expressed it through your husband. He was there and she is planning another gathering that both of you are invited to. I do think it would be nice of you to make the broccoli casserole and bring another dish or two of your choosing. You may find yourself introducing others to a new and fabulous dish they hadn't tried before.

**madhen** · 12-02-2008, 10:04 AM

I don't tell my sister to bring anything when she comes with her family for Christmas. But if she asked if she *should* bring anything, I would have no problem telling her to bring a specific item. Partly, because I have a menu planned, and I may have plenty of some things, but need some of others (i.e, in your case, maybe she is low on veggie side dishes). Partly, because, at least in my sister's case, I know she is flattered when I ask for a partiular item (as in, ooh, I really like that and would like it on my holiday table).

Without knowing what your relationship with your SIL is, and how the conversation really went, it is hard to say whether she was being bossy, or just responding naturally to a question of whether you should bring anything. I wouldn't waste any time being upset over it. If it really bugs you, I'd give her a call and just nicely ask her if it has to be that specific dish or if she'd mind if you brought something else.