Has anyone read...

**tbs727** · 06-16-2008, 01:06 PM

The Supernanny book?

We are going to be foster parents before our adoption goes through and I know I'll need some assistance with learning to discipline. I would love to hear your thoughts.

**Maine Girl** · 06-16-2008, 03:01 PM

Sorry i haven't read the books but i just wanted to say good luck and how exciting for you to become parents!!!!

**inneedofhope** · 06-29-2008, 12:35 AM

As a parenting educator, I have real issues with super nanny. Our local foster parenting agency requires and provides training specific to foster parenting. I would recommend seeking a similar training or parenting education in your area. Many are low cost or free. browse the bookstore for some books specific to foster parenting, and look for credentials of the authors. Jane Nelson and Barbara Coloroso are some off the top of my head. Ross Green is helpful for very difficult children.
Every child is unique, and a child entering foster care has very special needs. Hopefully you will have a team to lean on with the caseworker and any therapists working with the child and info from the bio parent as well. You may be able to find support from other foster parents in the form of a support group or possibly an online community?
Best of luck on your journey.

**Lady_V** · 06-29-2008, 12:42 AM

I never read the SuperNanny books... I know my ex bought one, but it did him no good... our DD is a real kid, not one to be labeled and defined in a text book.

When we were in the adoption process, we had special classes to prepare us for things that may happen in the future that we may have to deal with that biological parents don't have to worry about. Even then, it didn't tell us HOW to be parents... just how to better emotionally prepare ourselves in different scenerios.

Ask your worker at the agency for recommendations for foster parenting books. Read them... but don't plan on sticking to the letter of the 'law'... kids have a way of doing their own thing.

**SewCrafty** · 06-29-2008, 02:37 AM

Originally Posted by inneedofhope

As a parenting educator, I have real issues with super nanny.

Just curious, what are your issues with Supernanny? I watch her show when I can and it has helped me with dealing with the children I am watching/babysitting now. I need any help you can give me, these are the most willful/stubborn children I have EVER seen!

**McD** · 06-29-2008, 08:04 AM

I've never read it but am wishing you the very best of luck. My aunt Leslie did foster parenting before adopting a child out of the system and she got some kids who were really hard to control (not their faults, part of their previous home life. )

**TheRootedNomad** · 06-29-2008, 08:44 AM

Originally Posted by inneedofhope

..............Every child is unique, and a child entering foster care has very special needs. ....

HOw True!!!

I don't know a thing about supernanny but I do know a thing or two about foster care children and you've got several things you need to make sure of before taking advice on descipline that you will use.

1- it's an allowed form (Even if its seems silly to ask, ask until you get the rules down. Some of these children have gone through such severe abuse that the government does not want to take any chances of it happening again so they've put some pretty stringent rules in place. This, of coarse doesn't always stop abuse from reoccurring but whose to say what it does stop.)

2- What methods and modalities are in their treatment/case plan. You would not want to do anything counter productive to this.

3- What was used at thier last placement that was deemed apropriate by the team (consistency can be EVERYTHING for these children)

4- Cognitive/developmental functioning and that connection to diagnosis. This one is harder to explain but basically to give a very short summery, if a child doesn't have thier basic needs met at a very early age they also have a problem with basic logic because that nueral pathway didn't get put in place. It takes much longer to learn this after infancy. (Research the Cycle of Attachment).

Again, I don't know anything about supernanny, however, if your going to be fostering/adopting you need to be reading works recommended by a professional in the social services field in your area. A well respected therapist that works with abused and neglected children would be a good choice for recommendations.

YOu are not just parenting/careing for a child. In most cases you are re-parenting. This means you noot only have to teach the right thing but "unteach" the wrong one.

Hope that helps.

**IntlMom** · 06-29-2008, 08:47 AM

The Rooted Nomad has some excellent things for your to think about!!
I just wanted to say "Congrats" on this next step of your journey. And hang, cause you're in for a VERY BUMPY RIDE!!

**iida** · 06-29-2008, 08:54 AM

I have not read the books but I like the TV show. I think Supernanny is great with children. One child psychiatrist here said that what he has seen about Jo Frost on TV, looked good.

That being said, fosterchildren may be a different story. They come from difficult situations and may have special needs.

But still, Supernanny is cool and knows how to take care of children.

**Jamauk** · 06-29-2008, 10:50 AM

I haven't read the Supernanny book - but one thing I know about her is that her methods work so well because there is a developed bond/trust between the parent and child. The children know in their hearts that the parents wouldn't do anything to harm them or anything that is "wrong" or "bad" for them. Children pitch fits and throw tantrums (usually) in a safe environment because they know that no matter what they say/do Mommy & Daddy will always love them.

Foster children do not come with this set of assumptions. Some of the more "tough love" techniques of SuperNanny could backfire with foster children.

You are a very smart, loving compassionate woman. I have every confidence in you that you will be able to handle anything that's thrown at you. I'd say 99% of discipline is just reading the child and the situation and trying to address the bigger issues. Slowly build a bond with the children and work on trust. Once children know they can trust you and have bonded with you, they will work harder to not disappoint you. It will require a lot of patience, but I know you can do it!

**tbs727** · 06-30-2008, 11:38 AM

Originally Posted by Jamauk

I haven't read the Supernanny book - but one thing I know about her is that her methods work so well because there is a developed bond/trust between the parent and child. The children know in their hearts that the parents wouldn't do anything to harm them or anything that is "wrong" or "bad" for them. Children pitch fits and throw tantrums (usually) in a safe environment because they know that no matter what they say/do Mommy & Daddy will always love them.

Foster children do not come with this set of assumptions. Some of the more "tough love" techniques of SuperNanny could backfire with foster children.

Thank you for mentioning this, it makes perfect sense. We have taken the foster/adopt classes, so I know what forms of discipline aren't allowed, but not really any suggestions on what will work best. I'm VERY blessed to have a great number of friends who will be there for us when we need help. Many of them have adopted children themselves. As the time gets closer I will talk to our caseworker about what they suggest. Thanks!

**katholc** · 07-01-2008, 02:23 PM

Congratulations on the fostering/adoptions you will be doing. I have 2 boys of my own and I think boys are the best.(just my opinion, don't want to cause controversy.)

Kathye

**TheRootedNomad** · 07-01-2008, 11:18 PM

Originally Posted by tbs727

Thank you for mentioning this, it makes perfect sense. We have taken the foster/adopt classes, so I know what forms of discipline aren't allowed, but not really any suggestions on what will work best. I'm VERY blessed to have a great number of friends who will be there for us when we need help. Many of them have adopted children themselves. As the time gets closer I will talk to our caseworker about what they suggest. Thanks!

Each child you foster will be different and therefore different things will work. Most important is the consistency of the technique. You will need to stick with it over and over and over and over. Even once they understand what they are suppose to do they will test "that you will do what your suppose to do". They aren't just testing that discplinary item but your trustworthiness and solidarity. Rules, boundries, routines, are things that help make children feel safe and secure in their environment. The chaos that some of these children come from will keep the testing going longer than anything else because they will have a hard time accepting that that nice expected response is going to backfire and your going to do somthing crazy.

I think you will do wonderfully with these children. You have been thinking this through for a long time and not just rushed in. That shows committment. One of the few things these children will need more than consistancy is that committment.