Today's Oprah

**Daphne** · 04-20-2005, 05:10 PM

Who watched it today? I'm curious to hear your opinions on the subject of loving your husband more than your children and which relationship to put first.

I am getting ready to become a first time mom and I truly feel that you should not always put your children first. I believe that if your children grow up and see the affection and love between their parents it is more beneficial than focusing everything on the child. Good points were made on this subject and one I thought was great was that if you put your children first before your husband or even yourself then that is how they will grow up - being self centered. I grew up with loving parents and everyday I saw my mom and dad kiss each other goodbye or hello. It seemed to me that they had time for each other. There was never any doubt in my mind of the love my parents had for me but looking back I'm so thankful that I saw the love between them.

Malcom is my best friend and with us having a strong bond and letting our children witness the love we have between each other is important for us. I can't imagine the day that I'm just too busy to let Malcom see my love. I don't feel that "waiting until the kids are older" to focus on our marriage works. I think that will cause so much distance between us and having to put that back together can or could be impossible.

Now please don't think that my child will be put aside and his needs neglected. It's all about balance within my marriage, children and myself.

Can't wait to hear what others think.

**Emerald_Mommy** · 04-20-2005, 05:21 PM

I didn't see the show but I think I agree with everything you're saying. It's very hard to get the right balance sometimes but it has to be worth it!

Philip is my absolute best friend in the entire world and I can't imagine life without him (we've known each other since we were 4 & 8) and my children are indescribably precious to me, so I have to work on balancing their needs. Things never work out as perfectly as I plan, but that doesn't mean I can give up!

**homesteadmamma** · 04-20-2005, 06:03 PM

I didn't watch it but I've always believed it should be:

God first,
Dh second
Kids next.

I firmly believe when the kids see the right order in families, they are much more content and happy.

**Daphne** · 04-20-2005, 06:16 PM

You are right - God is most important in all relationships!!

**PrairieRose** · 04-20-2005, 07:32 PM

I saw a portion of it and although I mostly agree with what I saw....I have to say that it's very, very difficult to always put your dh first when you have small children. Being mommy to little ones is very demanding, emotionally and physically. Gripey is my very best friend and my whole world but when the kids were little we had to "steal alone time". It wasn't something that just happened. Oh, and it takes lots and lots of work to keep the passion alive when you're so tired you can barely brush your own teeth at nite

**mommy2many** · 04-20-2005, 07:48 PM

I didn't watch the show today but I think it is important to have that balance also. God first, then my marriage, then my children. If I don't love the Lord and my husband my children don't get the best part of me, a God loving warmloving wife makes a much better mother than a bitter mom

**Mom23boys** · 04-21-2005, 05:48 PM

I think you should put your husband before your children also, but I have to admit their are times when I haven't.

I have told myself over and over, that DH will still be here when the boys are grown and gone. I want to keep that common spark going between us or after the children are gone there will be nothing between us.

**QuilterMom** · 04-22-2005, 08:40 AM

I will always remember what the mentor in the MOPS group I attended said to us one time.......... You should love your husband more than your kids because when your kids are grown and gone, who are you going to be left with? You don't want to be left with a 'stranger' that you no longer have anything in common with and don't love or want to be around.

It is easier said than done, however!

**forestdale** · 04-22-2005, 04:03 PM

I don't divide my love up, or measure it. I just give it freely. I don't love my husband more than my sons, I just love them all.

My Dh and I have a very good relationship, we've had ups and downs but the ups have thankfully outweighed the downs. We kiss each time we leave the house and when we return, and we are generous and kind to each other.

My sons have known every day that I love them. I was fairly strict on them when they were little in that I didn't allow them to blindly follow what everyone else did and I didn't give them free access to computer games and TV. It was hard work at times but totally worth it. I am so proud of them I could burst sometimes.

**MandiDawn** · 04-28-2005, 11:13 AM

I'm not a mom, so I dont' know how very hard it can be - but I watched my mom put me and my sister first and my dad left her for that reason. Then my mom would throw it in our face "I did this for you . . . I did that for you . . . you father left. . ." He left her, not us and contiued to be a huge part of our life, and to tell the truth I respected him more than her. Still do to this day. She is bitter and wants me and my sister to be her whole life but we are grown, married, ect. We never asked her to put us first, but she made that choice and WE were the ones that paid. We still hear it 10 years later . . .