What Would be Your Advice to Military Spouses?

[McD]

So in the thread about hubby getting the official mobilization call, there was a lot of awesome information shared on how to help children through the deployments.

Which got me to wondering--what helped you, as the spouses, through the deployment? What did you do to keep the romance, the connected feeling between you and your servicemember?

The reason I ask is because we have a completely new FRG (which is ran by moms of soldiers, not spouses), and a lot of families going through a first-time deployment.

I know our FRG advises that when we talk to our soldier not to bore them with details at home, but that didn't work for DH. If I didn't tell him, he would get upset and feel left out.

I also kept a notebook that I wrote to him in all the time. I put pictures, song lyrics, poems, funny articles or pictures, that I found that made me think of him and when it was full, I mailed it to him. He loved it. He read it over and over again and said it made him feel really special to know that I put so much time into it.

This time around a friend who is a professional photographer is taking some classy bodouir pictures.

What works for you guys?

(Clarification-I mean no disrespect regarding the military moms running the FRG. It's just a different situation than having a spouse overseas and the advice they give is often times more applicable to their situation).

[baronmom]

When my dh was deployed we were lucky enough that they had internet in their barracks. So we were able to IM every day. Web cams were awesome. We could see him and he could see us. I you both have microphones you can talk to each other too. That was the biggest thing that helped us. I was also friends with some of the other wives and we did a yahoo group chat a lot so that helped us too. I was not close to a base so we were from all parts of the state. It was nice to be able to keep in contact with the other wives while not being in the same room. We also did girls nights where we went to dinner just to get out of the house.
I sent lots of care packages and also wrote letters. We were able to spice those up a little which was nice.

[frugalfoster]

I don't have anyone in the service, but it brought back a memory of something my sister did for someone she cared about who was serving in the viet nam war. She and one of her girlfriends (who was also a friend of the soldier) wrote this guy a poem.... a funny poem on a long long sheet of paper..(the rolled kind) it was humerous and was about the funny things that they had all done before he left. The soldier said that when things got tough he would roll out the poem which actually stretched across the room and read it. It helped him get through a very rough time. I thought it was a cute idea!

[happymomof4]

When my dh was deployed we didn't have cell phones or computers like they do now. So letters where the way we talked. He as on a ship so I only got phones calls from him when he was in port. We talked about everything. He sent me pictures. I sent him movie tapes of us and of tv shows he wanted to watch. Being on a ship for weeks at a time can be very boring. He would watch the tapes that we sent and also shared the tv(nascar, bike races, Philies Games, etc) with friends.

I wrote him every day until I had my 2nd child while he was deployed. Then things got much busier for me. He brought that up later after he got home to somebody he was talking to.

When I had our 2nd child I sent him a message thru the Red Cross. He called me from the ship with a "Ship to Shore" call. It was neat.

Commuications for us was very important. The more I told my dh the better he liked it. He had alot on his plate. He was in a war zone. So I tried to fill him in with our life so he didn't miss anything.

Our oldest son is now in the Army. They talk so much when he is deployed. With webcam and cell phones he doesn't miss much at all. My dil never wrote him 1 letter. He made the comment that I was the only 1 to write him on a regular basis. So when ever he is deployed I make sure I write him and send him boxes of stuff I know he likes to eat.

[McD]

What all do you mail to eat? Last time around I sent a lot of beef jerky, nuts, etc. He got very burnt out on the nuts.

Before the deployment, I am playing around with recipes--trail mixes, chex mixes, flavored pretzels etc. Just stuff to liven it up.

Great ideas ladies.

[jas]

What kind of dil would not write to her dh????? Am I right that dil is daughter in law?

[McD]

What kind of dil would not write to her dh????? Am I right that dil is daughter in law?

Between emails, phone calls, web cams, it's easy to get caught up in the no letter trap.

Communication is very different now than it was during previous wars.

I am really excited because Wesley knows how to write so he'll be able to write letters to his daddy.

[happymomof4]

What kind of dil would not write to her dh????? Am I right that dil is daughter in law?

They talked on the computer all the time or the cell phone so need to write letters.

[happymomof4]

What all do you mail to eat? Last time around I sent a lot of beef jerky, nuts, etc. He got very burnt out on the nuts.

Before the deployment, I am playing around with recipes--trail mixes, chex mixes, flavored pretzels etc. Just stuff to liven it up.

Great ideas ladies.

We send our son beef jerky, girl scout cookies, crackers. When he was in Iraq we couldn't send any chocolate or things that would melt. When he was in Afganstain we could send chocolate because they are in the mountains and the stuff doesn't melt.

Also when you send stuff remember most of them share the stuff with there friends. So I always sent extra. The troops love homemade stuff. So cookies wrapped in small bags and wrapped in bubble wrap and peanuts keep them from breaking.