Hello!
My girlfriend and I have been dating for 8 years, going on 9 this coming February. We have waited this long to even consider marriage because 1) we didn't have the money to while in school, and 2) we did not want to distract from the happiness of a wedding with the stress of school and stuff. We wanted clear minds when we got married, and right now---despite our focus on debt---we certainly feel this way.
The only thing is that since we are in so much debt, I worry when the right time will be. We love being together, but at some point we have to take that next step. I know we both want this more than anything, but since we started our "debt snowball", we are nervous how long we will have to wait. We have a long way to go, so do we focus for a few more years and then think about getting married, or try to do so within the next year? We have plenty of time since we plan on being together anyway, but we're tired of playing house and want to make this official.
We aren't looking for a big wedding, so rest assured I am not looking at making another huge mistake by blowing like $20k-$30k on it with money we don't have, or want to waste. We also don't want to get married at a court house. We would almost like to do something on our own. We want to have different guests attend, but have seen from her sister's wedding firsthand how crazy stuff gets with the pressure from all fronts about guest lists. Her sister ended up inviting like 350 people---most of the people her and her husband don't even talk to---and her father feeling guilt for not being able to do as much as he wanted because of his financial situation, decided to take out $20k from a Home Equity Line of Credit. Bad idea, and they are paying dearly for it now. In all, her sister's wedding cost around $50k and all they got back in gifts was $10k. We are not looking to go into the hole $40k just to say we had a nice wedding. Last time I checked, whether a person has a $1k wedding or a $100k "Bridezilla" wedding, the couple is typically married at the end of the ceremony.
For all you out there who are in a similar circumstance or who have already experienced this situation, what is your take? I know that Dave Ramsey says---or at least I thought I heard him say---that a couple should never delay getting married or having children for the sake of the "debt snowball", but there are certainly limits on what can be spent. I am pretty sure his philosophy is to spend no more than 1 month's salary on an engagement ring and to keep the wedding short, sweet, and within a tight budget. I remember him saying that he only spent approximately $1,100 on his wife's engagement ring back in the 70s. But, even with inflation, that isn't more than $3k or so these days.
I definitely have some thinking to do. I love her very much. I know she will be happy with whatever we decide to do, but I am ready to take that next step within the next few years. After 8 years of dating, most people would say it's time to "shhhhh or get off the pot." I love her, so I think I'll stay on the pot for many years to come regardless of how we proceed.
In the process of going from debt to set,
-Steven
My girlfriend and I have been dating for 8 years, going on 9 this coming February. We have waited this long to even consider marriage because 1) we didn't have the money to while in school, and 2) we did not want to distract from the happiness of a wedding with the stress of school and stuff. We wanted clear minds when we got married, and right now---despite our focus on debt---we certainly feel this way.
The only thing is that since we are in so much debt, I worry when the right time will be. We love being together, but at some point we have to take that next step. I know we both want this more than anything, but since we started our "debt snowball", we are nervous how long we will have to wait. We have a long way to go, so do we focus for a few more years and then think about getting married, or try to do so within the next year? We have plenty of time since we plan on being together anyway, but we're tired of playing house and want to make this official.
We aren't looking for a big wedding, so rest assured I am not looking at making another huge mistake by blowing like $20k-$30k on it with money we don't have, or want to waste. We also don't want to get married at a court house. We would almost like to do something on our own. We want to have different guests attend, but have seen from her sister's wedding firsthand how crazy stuff gets with the pressure from all fronts about guest lists. Her sister ended up inviting like 350 people---most of the people her and her husband don't even talk to---and her father feeling guilt for not being able to do as much as he wanted because of his financial situation, decided to take out $20k from a Home Equity Line of Credit. Bad idea, and they are paying dearly for it now. In all, her sister's wedding cost around $50k and all they got back in gifts was $10k. We are not looking to go into the hole $40k just to say we had a nice wedding. Last time I checked, whether a person has a $1k wedding or a $100k "Bridezilla" wedding, the couple is typically married at the end of the ceremony.
For all you out there who are in a similar circumstance or who have already experienced this situation, what is your take? I know that Dave Ramsey says---or at least I thought I heard him say---that a couple should never delay getting married or having children for the sake of the "debt snowball", but there are certainly limits on what can be spent. I am pretty sure his philosophy is to spend no more than 1 month's salary on an engagement ring and to keep the wedding short, sweet, and within a tight budget. I remember him saying that he only spent approximately $1,100 on his wife's engagement ring back in the 70s. But, even with inflation, that isn't more than $3k or so these days.
I definitely have some thinking to do. I love her very much. I know she will be happy with whatever we decide to do, but I am ready to take that next step within the next few years. After 8 years of dating, most people would say it's time to "shhhhh or get off the pot." I love her, so I think I'll stay on the pot for many years to come regardless of how we proceed.
In the process of going from debt to set,
-Steven