Hi there,
First, I was told once (in a Marriage seminar, no less) that even among the well-to-do, money is the thing most often argued about. It is the thing used to reach goals, it is the thing we use to feel secure and to pamper ourselves and others... We want to have enough of it to enjoy, but also to save...
Hubs and I have been married for 17 years this April, and honestly, money was easier when we had less of it. He could understand "we can't afford ANYTHING." These days, there's enough money to do SOME of what I want and SOME of what he wants... but nobody gets everything they want... and that leads to squabbles because now we have to prioritize beyond the "needs." He would never argue that we need an XBox more than we need heat... but he'll happily argue that he needs that new $60 game at the expense of something equally frivolous that *I* want.
And it's hard, because I don't "want" much, so when I can't have the very-little I do want, it's really upsetting to me, because it feels unfair.
I second what a PP said about keeping your own account. Hubs and I each have our own account and we are each responsible for different parts of the budget, with those responsibilities changing over the years. An old roomate of mine had his/hers/ours accounts when she got married. They worked out what the bills were, what the savings goals were, what their joint purchases would be, and they contributed equally into the "ours" account, from which all household bills were paid. Whatever was left after the transfer was his or hers to spend on whatever they wanted. In that case, they were (are) childless by choice, so that helps keep the Murphies away, I think.
It is *VERY* difficult living with a single checking account, I warn you! It's too easy for you both to spend the same $100 without realizing it. I have access to Hubs' account and he has access to mine, but he never ever uses mine (because he knows mine is zero-based) and I only use his when I am making a purchase on his behalf (ie- if he needs to send flowers to his mother, he's totally paying for that, but I'll usually do the selection because (a) I have way better taste (b)I can usually find a discount or kickback that he wouldn't bother with.)
It sounds like you and your husband need to agree on a budget and goals... maybe there's something he wants that he feels he'll never get because of you (or vice versa.) As long as my husband keeps buying himself toys, I'll never buy myself a greenhouse, because I'll always want to put "my share" of the money toward practical things. On the other hand, he could argue that all the money I put into feeding my nieces and nephew (my sister is widowed and struggles) keeps him from having something HE wants.
In fact, he's pulled that card before, and I was able to show him with my banking software that he spent more on legos alone than I did in all combined support to my nieces/nephew, which shut him up. It wasn't a "HAH! take that!" moment, it was just that he always sees me giving them clothes, food, school supplies... whatever they need within reason, and he assumed it was more money than it was, because I buy on sale, tuck away, etc. He doesn't understand that. He tolerates it, but doesn't understand it.
Money is a symbol. It's not what you're really quarreling about. What you're really quarreling about is goals, dreams, personal worth, values, and whether or not you feel taken care of in your relationship. That's what you really need to talk about. Best of luck.