Multi-Family challanges..

**mrsfoamy** · 07-21-2008, 07:17 PM

Thank you Sara!
For all of those who started out as 'temporary/transitional' and morphed into something more...
My family (HD and DD) moved in with his parents 5 yrs ago under the impression "Until Our New House Is Built" turned into..
5 yrs. worth of his parents health crisises later....
Here's a place to talk about the challenges that face us, whether your are displaced because of financial hardship or just starting out..
my biggest challenge is..
DH's parents are big food wasters! It makes me nuts.
il's health problems include memory porblems which leads to strange/multi food purchases which I try to make up for later..
What are some of your challanges?

**FrugalWitch** · 08-04-2008, 05:34 PM

I quit work almost 7 years ago to be a full-time caregiver to my Momma. One big challenge was learning to live on 1/3 of the income I was used to.

Fourteen months ago she worsened to the point where commuting and maintaining 2 households was no longer feasible. Her doctor said either she had to have live-in help or she had to go to a nursing home. DH and I moved into her house (it was larger had central heat and air and already had the bathrooms remodeled for handicapped access)

Our new stresses are the lack of privacy, my being "on call" 24/7, having no help from friends or family.

She is currently in MICU, and has been since July 27th. The constant back and forth to the hospital and the cost of gas is killing us. DH took a family leave of absence from work so money is going to be super tight until he returns to work on August 13th (even if Momma is still in the hospital he must return to work, we cannot afford more time off than that)

Just continual challenges , stress and aggravations.

**leezza** · 08-04-2008, 06:27 PM

You are both good people for what you are doing......I truely respect you for helping family.

Kind Regards,
leezza

**Missourimom** · 08-04-2008, 07:09 PM

My MIL moved in with us 6 years ago. There are days I dream of escaping this place. Need I say more?

**mrsfoamy** · 08-07-2008, 08:31 PM

I truly wish everyone with illness in the family, they get well soon!

Living with family used to be such a stigma, but multi generational families are the norm in many parts of the world and with so many struggling in our country now, we need to pull together from the ground floor up - and that starts with family!!!!
No one should be going hungry and children doing without new backpacks and whatnot when they have a family who can help out. Shame on anyone who shrugs their shoulders and says "Well, I always did it myself.
(I have family members like that!)

**mrsfoamy** · 03-04-2009, 12:07 PM

I'm worn out and it's only noon

MIL isn't feeling well, I vacuumed and mopped and cleaned the kitchen.(3,000 sq ft. house!) She cooks when I work 2nd shift, but mostly I cook. Next week I'm on vacation so I'm going to help her plant a veg. garden. FIL has been sleepwalking on occasion, and they're both pretty forgetful. I have to remind them almost everyday of myself and daughters schedules of activities or they forget and think I never told them and get mad at me for not being conscientious.
But we all give each other a helping hand - MIL is going to help me do some sewing - I stink at it!

**kittykatstrong** · 05-03-2009, 02:24 AM

We live with my DH brother in-law and his wife. We have a larger home with 3 levels. The top is where my bedroom is, my dds bedroom and DH office. The middle floor is the kichen, dining, and living room. THe bottom is where they mainly are. There is a bedroom down there with a small living room and bathroom.

The frist year has been great but now it has gotten to the point that I NEED for us to be living on our own. It has made me really motivated to save up as much as possiable for a house.

**oheoh's momma** · 05-20-2011, 07:38 PM

We are living with my husbands mother in a a rental house. She pays rent and we buy groceries, household necessities, and pay bills. Since she has moved in she has bounced checks, we covered, we pay for her meds, and her copays.
She is extremely forgetful, lives on lights, wastes food, tv stays on 12 -17 hours a day and she does not watch it. she uses the bathroom on herself. She is in constant pain, and on meds for personality disorder. She can not get pain meds here. she is also out of her personality disorder meds (appointment Monday)
I am constantly going after her, I have about broke from the tv being on all the time.
No privacy, I do not spend enough time visiting with her. 3000 sq ft house to clean. She hates my music, my tv shows, my friends, my computer.
She never listens to me about budgets ex: every weekend our church has fellowship with snacks I always bring something even when it is not my turn. This weekend is big to do I planned on doing 10 lbs of bar-bequed leg qt. and 10lbs of mashed potatoes. She wants to bring cheese cauliflower . my 2 dishes priced out without milk , butter and sauce I already had stockpiled.$11.42 her dish I quit counting at $14.oo
I bath her, coordinate her appointments, fix her hair I do it all. She complains all the time that we don't have any extra money for..... But I am use to plan B. I just roll with it. It is hard Sorry I jacked your thread

**Debbie-cat** · 05-20-2011, 08:22 PM

We have my DFIL living with us. He is a sweetheart. Days are tough, I won't deny that but I wouldn't change anything. Next I am sure my Mom will be with us and I will be in my glory. I think it is awesome taking care of parents who not only gave us life but raised us to what we are today. They deserve our help.

**oheoh's momma** · 05-21-2011, 12:28 PM

yesterday was a complain day it was very emotionally draining and I have a few of those a week but I will continue to try to do the best I can. She is honestly better off here. I love her. Sorry I jacked the thread for a vent. hugs to all who care for an elderly person we work hard. Penny

**Debbie-cat** · 05-21-2011, 02:32 PM

Some days are tough Penny. Vent away! It helps.

**Momto5RN** · 05-21-2011, 02:50 PM

it can be extra frustrating when their is a mental illness aspect or a dementia aspect to go along with just being the caretaker , I see it all the time in my work .( home care RN )

would your mil be eligble for any programs out there i know of medicaide ones- church run ones- county run ones in our area that our social workers refer people to that alot i had no idea even existed ,

some will pick them up at the door take them some place that will give them lunch their meds while there have socialization activities etc some even let them bring and do laundry once a week thru a medicaide program called global options . some pts go 5 days a week some 2-3 just enough to give their caretakers the ability to work FT or PT or just do what they need to do .

others are county run and in a church lounge where they meet and the ladies to crafts the guys play cards etc .

if in the US i would look into your counties office on aging to see if there is anything like that to give you a break .