Ok...So my #3 son(venting)
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  1. #1
    Registered User fernykins's Avatar
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    Default Ok...So my #3 son(venting)

    and his family plus her brother have moved in. Its a mad house with too much stuff. My ddil doesn't want to put anything in storage. I already have a full household........ I don't mind some of it but she has rearanged my kichen to the point that I can't reach anything. I'm now 4'11". I will not climb. I'm afraid of falling since I didn't do anything and broke my ankle and rt hand. I can deal with most things. I'm an easy person to get along with and go with the flow on most things. Her brother is driving me up a wall he's just plain lazy..... doesn't want to do anything but eat and sleep,no job. He's surpose to be helping with the kids. He doesn't. Even when I'm sick I keep the dishes up and the clothes washed...... I even gave the babys 3 &1yo baths because I couldn't stand it anymore. mom and dd were at work and getting ready from their walk thru on the other place. He wouldn't even give the 7yo boy a shower. Its to hard. It doesn't help that my kids have decided I can't live alone anymore because of health issues. So I guess in the morning it will be me telling a 30 yo man what I expect.....
    Thanks guys for listerning to me b&*ch
    Fern

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    Registered User Nishu's Avatar
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    I'm sorry Fern! That sounds rough. You're a much nicer person than I am allowing so many people to stop in.

    (O/t 7 years is probably old enough to bathe himself though... )
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    Registered User onencgirl's Avatar
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    Hugs for you. I know it is hard on you. Do what you have to do.
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    Registered User ravenmoonmother's Avatar
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    I think you might need to set some house rules. My brother and his partner have her daughter living with them now, she was living with her father. When she moved in (which my brother and his partner are really happy about) her father came too, for a month or two so he could find himself a job and an apartment. Well here they are , months down the line, he is still living with them and does nothing, he only got a job because they basically took him to Wendys and got him one.
    You are letting them live with you but it is still your house and they need to work around you, not the other way around.
    Oh and the 7 year old is old enough to shower himself, my 7 year old spent the first 3 years of his life nude at ever opportunity now he's suddenly discovered modesty and insists on showering himself.
    Last edited by ravenmoonmother; 01-04-2009 at 07:34 AM.
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    Moderator ladytoysdream's Avatar
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    You got more patience than I have.

    The brother needs to get a job and find himself a different place to live. How long ago did he have a job ?

    You're doing these people a big favor. They don't need to walk all over you. It's your house.

    I know a older lady who has her own house. She lets her foster son live with her. He does not have a job, won't look for one.
    Now she also has his son living with her. The mother gave him up. It's really a sad mess. And the most interesting thing......her foster son beats her up, if she won't give him money. Last I heard she had a black and bruised side of her face. But if you ask her, she will deny he hurt her.

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    Registered User Ebbie's Avatar
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    fernykins, I have no advice but I can offer a sympathetic ear. I've been interested to hear how you were making out since your earlier post that you were taking in your son and his family. It's something I kind of worry about too...since I live alone in a house with 2 empty bedrooms. I worry one day one of my nieces and nephews (who are ALWAYS struggling with money) will hit upon the idea of asking to move in with their young families and I just don't know what I'll do. It's a tug of war between wanting to help out and not really wanting them here! Anyway, hope things improve for you and please keep us posted as I'd like to hear how you make it work, or alternatively if you find it can't work.
    Debt-free forever!

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    Registered User Momto2Boyz's Avatar
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    First off, good for you for helping out and letting them stay with you. Secondly, are you nuts? No, really, I'm just kidding!

    Maybe have a family meeting and lay down the ground rules, so everyone understands. And yes, my 7 year old needs to be reminded, but he is able to competely shower by himself!

    Good luck, keep us updated

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    Registered User DJ1972's Avatar
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    (((hugs))) Fern. That's a tough situation. I agree with the others, you need to set some ground rules and make a chore list.

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    Registered User fernykins's Avatar
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    Yes I'm NUTS!!!! The 7yo has autism and up until my son came into the picture they were in denial that there was something wrong. They baby him. They let him do as he pleased. He would destroy my bathroom if someone didn't watch him. The brother is another story. His mom messed up his green card. My son and his wife are getting it straightened up. My ddil has her US citzenship. I get along fine with my son. None of them would hurt me. I am afraid that I will fall on the kids toys. So he will be talking to them about keeping it picked up. I don't mind if they play just pick it up afterwards......... I think I asm getting old...lol
    Fern

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    Super Moderator Darlene's Avatar
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    Your house, your rules, no if's and's or but's. Rule your roost Fern.:rollingpin:

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    Registered User Michelle68's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Darlene View Post
    Your house, your rules, no if's and's or but's. Rule your roost Fern.:rollingpin:


    Good luck!
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    Registered User ravenmoonmother's Avatar
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    maybe you just need house rules for the brother. If he is supposed to help out with the kids then he should be helping out, he should anyway as hes living under your roof.
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    Registered User fernykins's Avatar
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    The brother feels sorry for Izac. So he sneaks him things......... Dr says no dairy because it makes him worse. He also can't watch tv he has major behavioral problems if he does.....dil's father didn't help with his problem. Thinks the rules are to hard. All I see is if something isn't done he will be nonfuntional as an adult.....my dil can't control him either. I could go on for days......I think the brother has had 1 job in his life........ I keep saying you have to be mean to help them to become productive when they are adults. I'm not saying beat them I'm saying rules, rules ,rules......
    Fern

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    Registered User phoeny_moonstar's Avatar
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    I would tell the 30 year old man, to STFU and get to work. I would also tell the ddil to put her stuff in storage because you already have a full house and you don't want/need anymore.

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    Registered User mrsfoamy's Avatar
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    Indeed, you need rules. I'd sit everyone down and have them help write the rules. Even though they'd just be throwing out there the rules you were already going to put down, perhaps if they think they wrote them, they may take more pride in following them.
    We are a multi-generational household and everyone knows what's expected of them.

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