Real Life Family Feud Starting

**MissSeetonFan** · 01-19-2012, 04:38 PM

The in-laws on my MIL's side of the family are having a royal family feud. Grandma has dementia and hoarding. Two kids live near her. The other four are a minimum of 3 hours away. Mental illness of varying degrees run through this family. Accusations of abuse, theft, even poisoning are being thrown around.

Most of the kids and grandkids are staying out of it except for the ones most directly involved: the one with signatory rights on the money and the one physically taking care of Grandma and their children.

Most everyone wants Grandma to be put in a home where professionals can take care of her. That is another point of contention because now, hardly anyone comes to visit. (Partly because it is 3 hours minimum plus a couple tanks of gas, plus no where to stay - can't stay at Grandma's, the house is a hoarding disaster.) If Grandma is moved to a home, she will be moved closer to the other four children (mainly because no nursing home in her area is rated for dementia care and wanderers). But accusations are flying over everything.

Adult Protective Services has been called in. It isn't going to be pretty and it is causing LOTS of bad feelings between the different branches of the family.

Actually, this has been going on for a long time. But it blew up into a full blown fight with an accusation posted on social media.

**frugalfranny** · 01-20-2012, 01:51 AM

Sounds horrible...........try not to get pulled into it.........as it probably will only get worse...........and if she wants to fight going into the home it then turns into a nightmare........

Good luck.........

**mamamia** · 01-20-2012, 05:47 AM

What a tough situation! This has got to be thae hardest thing about aging parents who truly need help. It can easily cause a "feud", and I guess that's because everyone's afraid to shoulder the responsibility of "putting someone away".

Hang in there. Maybe everyone will calm down long enough to work together on this. Your mil needs help, not war! But like ff said, try to lay low or you'll be stuck right in there with them! Keep us posted.

Hoping the best for all of you!

Theresa

**khaski** · 01-20-2012, 06:45 AM

hopefully with APS becoming involved it will help as they may dictate what needs to happen, so it becomes out the of the family's hands.

**nuisance26** · 01-20-2012, 07:49 AM

~That's just all around frustrating.

I hope the family can get it together and make a good decision for your grandma. I don't envy whatever kids end up going through all of grandma's stuff. What a sad legacy.

~

**frugalfranny** · 01-21-2012, 03:36 PM

Originally Posted by mamamia

I guess that's because everyone's afraid to shoulder the responsibility of "putting someone away".

But not necessarily........you NEVER KNOW what will create the problems with a family.

Just went through that for 7 years with my dad..(Alz.).......all of the family were glad when he quit "wandering"......had to quit driving........got him off the road........eating right and no longer poisoning himself with food.... quit leaving a $50 tip for a $5 meal!!.....he quit walking out of restaurants without paying......(Small Town America, his accountant would get the bill!!!)....quit firing any help that we tried to get......then it went on to other issues and THAT is when the real problems started.

Depends on the personalities involved.........and how EVERYONE handles the stress.

I still say..............STAY OUT OF IT IF YOU CAN!!!

**bent** · 02-10-2012, 10:40 AM

DUCK and COVER....

**Libby** · 02-10-2012, 01:33 PM

*hugs*

Have things settled down a teeny bit since you posted this?

**MissSeetonFan** · 02-10-2012, 05:11 PM

The poisoning charge is what got everyone to back down. REALLY??? She was poisoning her own mother. "I didn't say that. I was only reporting what others told me." Then why repeat it as if you believed it and were making the charge? That can be a crime.

Yes. It has fallen off the radar screen. No one is posting and no one is saying anything. I did quietly make copies of all the pages and posts just in case something came out. I wanted to have a full record just in case somebody went back and deleted things and denied it. No clue how anything is proceeding.