How do you decide it's a right time?

[Marie78]

I need advice from my frugal family.... I am getting married in October, we have been a couple for almost 6 years. We are talking about trying to conceive in December 2008 or January 2009. In our hearts it feels like the right time: 28 and 30 years old, hubby has a flexible school schedule so we wouldn't need day care if I drop down to part time work. Money would be tight for at least a couple of years until hubby finishes his Doctorate Degree, and then fiances should improve, of course that's not guaranteed (just an expectation based on his degree and field).

I'm a very organized and detail oriented person, so I like to plan ahead: I plan at work, at home, and for all future choices. We will be debt free by April 2009, except for my Dh's undergrad student loan that is $11,000 on deferment until he graduates in a few years. With his income from school and my part time income we would be able to afford our monthly living expenses and set money away for our irregular expenses. Savings would be small or impossible until after he graduates in a few years. We would have a small EF (3 months living expenses) $6,000 or so before children. I think we will be in pretty good shape before having children, it's the after part that I worry about. I can't predict how expensive a child will be, because I can't predict the future.

I pray of course, that any children we have would be healthy. I have even talked to my doctor and I have started to cut out coffee (very difficult), soda (not a big fan of it anyways). taking my vitamins, exercising more, and trying to lose some weight (20lbs) so that my BMI is within the normal range when I conceive. I have switched to mostly organic foods and I am making healthy dishes and trying to stay away from sweets (I am not doing well at this one).

I like control and I feel like once we decide to have a baby, it's all out of our hands. We can only do what we can do on our end, and the rest is not up to us. My mom was very young when she had me 21 years old and she laughs at me for "over thinking" having children. How did the rest of you decide to have children? How did you let go of the "control" and just roll with it. I want to enjoy my future pregnancies. I want to enjoy being pregnant and feel excited and hopeful and then tired but joyful after the baby comes. Help! I Need Advice

[frugalfriend]

Marie ~ it sounds like you have a very good plan in place! I am much like you and try to plan things in my life as much as possible and (eek!) don't like surprises! LOL We planned our three children and it worked out great, but it requires stepping out in faith to a certain extent and taking each day one at a time. Kids are certainly a blessing! Wishing you all the best in the exciting times ahead with your wedding and starting your family!

[beks37]

Marie-It sounds like you are doing everything that's in your control to make yourself healthy for a baby. When it comes time to start trying, don't expect to get pregnant in the first month. I kept getting my hopes up only to be 3 years later with no kids. If you need any tips or tricks when the time comes for you to start trying, I know them all! Just ask!

[toile]

Your a planner like me and can I say WOW, you plan better for a baby than most I have ever seen!

I dont know about anyone else but my hubby and I had 3 years together before kids that were "lean".
The thing is we didn't realize or seem to care about the lack if funds?
We had never known any different.
We decided to have a baby.
My first child may not have had all the fancy things but we didn't truly need anything except diapers and a babybed LOL.

I guess my only advice to you, is...... kids need very little outside of you, food and shelter.

Now later, yes they get expensive

I'm so excited for you and know you will be a great mom!

[pip]

My husband and I were also together for 6 years before we married and were a bit older (me-27, him-31). You know, we really didn't plan any of our kids, and we ended up with three. I agree that kids get more expensive as they get older. Somehow, it just works out, though. Good luck to you! It sounds like you have a good plan and you will be in a good place.

[Marie78]

Thank you so much for all of your words of encouragement and wisdom. This is one of the most exciting times of my life, having my own family has been my biggest dream/goal since I played dollies and house as a child.

Frugalfriend, thank you for reminding me to have faith and take each day one at a time. I do tend to look ahead a lot and not focus on the moment. Each moment is a blessing.

Toile, thank you for saying I will be a great Mom , you made my day. I agree with you 100% with what a baby needs: Love, food, and shelter. I am relieved that my Dh and I will be able to care for our child without day care for now. I am okay with pinching our pennies and going without fancy things for us and the baby. We don't have room for fancy right now .

Pip, you and your Dh sound a lot like us and I am glad it all worked out. I really hope we have at least 3 kids. I think kids will be like cats for me, I can't have just one . LOL

Becky, I am so sorry it's taking you so long to conceive. You make a very good point though, my Dr. told me to get off the pill now and that it might take a few months to ovulate regularly. I am stopping the pill in mid-October after my wedding.... I would definitely be interested in any tips and tricks you have heard of for conceiving .

[missyali]

DH said we had to wait until our 1 year anniversary. Anyway, I planned it as close to our one year anniversary as requested by dh and took into account the school calendar. I wanted a spring baby b/c I wanted to take the rest of the year off. I didn't want a summer baby ~ too hot for me being pregnant and all and I was nervous about them being the youngest throughout school. I didn't want a fall baby ~ (s)he would be the oldest and it would have been difficult to start the school year with a substitute in my place. Plus, I didn't want to be pregnant through the summer. We were lucky and I realize how blessed I am with 2 beautiful healthy children. I am sure my plan just happened as it was supposed to and I can kid myself all I want that "I decided". Best of luck! I'll be sending baby dust your way soon!

[Marie78]

Missyali, I am planning on a fall baby for our first (if all goes as planned) that will be our first wedding anniversary too. I would like our second to be a spring baby/early summer .

[joyofsix]

Just my $.02... My dh and I were married 5 years before we had children. We planned each and every one. That said, just realize that while planning is valuable, children weren't let in on the plan. Have a plan but be flexible enough to change it when they come along. All the best

[Wendy99]

I planned my pregnancy, but didnt plan on having twins .. but it is great & wouldn't change a thing!!

[Iansmommy]

We were married 5 years before we started having kids. We didn't really plan it, but I was leaning towards wanting kids soon so I wasn't using precautions as well as I should of and it just happened. Our second was kind of planned. But we weren't exactly trying either. Our 3rd was a shock of shocks. I was so sad because I really thought I was done.

I was able to quit drinking coffee as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I had pretty much an adversion to it with my 1st.

[FrugalFive]

I think that it's great that you are thinking everything out as much as you are. However, have you considered waiting until your husband finishes school before having children? Granted you seem to have a great plan in place, but if you like things as perfect as you seem to, it may be better to wait until you have the extra money to go and buy all the 'extras' that as a first time parent your gonna feel like you have to have. Unless you truly realize how little a baby really needs, you may want to wait. Other than that, good luck in whatever you choose. You seem to have everything well thought out.

[itsahumanzoo]

With our first, we didn't put too much thought into it. We just kind of let it happen. (Basically the same deal as Iansmommy said. )We both were in agreement that we wanted to start having children while we were young. With this one, I wanted to wait until we could really handle number two. I thought a lot about money, and eventually decided that if we waited until we could truly "afford" kids, we would never have any! I also realized that kids aren't necessarily that expensive, and we pretty much have everything we need to take care of any more children. I of course plan on breastfeeding and cloth diapering as well. While you can't predict how much it costs to have a child, you can help control it. Babies don't need all those fancy gadgets that commercials and magazines want you to buy. They need love and attention. And food, too!

Anyway, good luck with whatever you decide!

[santoria]

we planned on getting pregnant when we were married for 2 years. then it took us a year ttc.

#2 took even longer.

#3 ... well she wasn't supposed to be able to happen.

I don't think you can ever really plan it right. parenting is pretty much fly by the seat of your pants. I was a major planner and organizer, as soon as it took 12 months to even conceive I started to throw the book away. then she was a week late and I completely threw out my plans.

[Marie78]

My fiance is excited about trying to have children this year (even more than me I think). I am freaking out about having morning or all day sickness at work and then trying to breastfeed while I am at work. I would have to work full time until the baby is born and then I would drop to part time and try to juggle baby and work. I am not a fan of this plan, but I am 30 years old right now and if I wait until it makes more sense for me to stay home, then I could be into my late 30's. I worry about having a first baby in my late 30's because of possible complications or waiting to long and missing my chance altogether. I wouldn't mind my last baby in my late 30's. We are pretty sure this year is the year for ttc. I guess it's now or never and I think we are as ready as we will ever be.