Is this selfish?

**Menifeemom** · 09-24-2011, 12:50 PM

My husband and I ended up in a pretty big fight last night over my expectations. Am I really being selfish? He has been working very very hard to get a promotion at work. Throughout this pregnancy I have been supportive. He has been working 12-14 hours days for months now and I have gotten in the habit of taking him a hot dinner most nights and haven't given him any grief about never being home. I have done everything I can think of to keep things running smoothly at home and even altered our homeschooling schedule so our three daughters can stay up late to see him before bed. He has no complaint about how things have been until now.

The doctor wants to induce me on Monday because I have been struggling with my health and the medication is starting to impact the baby. He thinks since I am dilated and contracting and have already had three kids it shouldn't be hard to gently nudge things along to avoid letting the baby or I get to the point where we have to do a c-section. Hubby has decided the best way to handle this is for him to just drop me off at the hospital on Monday morning so he can go into work until "something is really happening" and then I'm supposed to call him to come. I objected and said I would feel more comfortable going through this with him there to support me. He is accusing me of being selfish and thinks I'm over reacting. He makes it sound like it is unheard of for a wife to demand so much of her husband and to pull him away from work like that. As far as he is concerned as long as he makes it before the baby actually is born I should have nothing to complain about.

I have a hard time believing that I'm the only woman who would want her husband to be there through the whole thing and I just can't see how that is selfish. Am I really just being hormonal and unreasonable?

**madhen** · 09-24-2011, 01:13 PM

If your husband were arguing his point here, what would he say? What is his reason for not being there the whole time? How long of a pre-labour time are you expecting?

**porembam** · 09-24-2011, 01:14 PM

This is one of those moments that work is NOT more important.
It doesn't matter what number child they are their birth is a miracle and as long as he's not off to war he should be their to support this miracle . Congratulations on your soon to arrive miracle!

**Jamielane** · 09-24-2011, 01:41 PM

He should be there the entire time. As a support system for one but also no matter how many children you have had anything can happen at anytime in childbirth. Congratulations on your impending rrial!

**pollypurebred39** · 09-24-2011, 01:54 PM

I totally side with you on this. There is only one place to be from start to finish with this and that's by your side. You are not being selfish, geez, you've bent your world around his in support of him for months now. It's time for him to bend his world for just ONE day in support of you.

**heartofmine** · 09-24-2011, 02:13 PM

Nope you are not being selfish...he is. He is very much in the wrong on this one. He needs to be there supporting his wife.

**Sophia** · 09-24-2011, 02:16 PM

I agree that he needs to be there with you. When I had youngest ds, I woke that morning and had a couple of pains in my low back. Dh went to work. I called dr and they said come in and let us check you. I paid bills and did everything I needed too. then went to dr. I was already a 4. I called dh at work and he come straight there. I would have been upset if we knew a head of time that I had to go and he wanted to drop me at the hospital and go to work till something happened. Hugs to you TC and Hope things go well for you.

**frugalwarrior2** · 09-24-2011, 02:20 PM

I would say unbelievable but DH went to work the morning i went into labor while I was at home laboring. When I called to see where he was a 5pm he said he was trying to get out of there? I told him forget it I would drive myself. When he got home I fed him and we went. 1/2 hr later our DD was born. He said- "Ha, you lost your barrett out of your hair and you didn't even know it". In other words their all clowns. They just can't relate.
Was he different or there for the birth of the others?
Doesn't sound very excited about the birth? Was this a suprise?
And super yes he is selfish beyond belief.

**brenda67** · 09-24-2011, 02:51 PM

Your dh is the one being SELFISH! I would turn into the worst evil witch you ever want to see if my dh told me that! HUGS..You are not in the wrong at all..

**ncarr** · 09-24-2011, 03:29 PM

I think he should be there. I don't think you are being unreasonable.

**shoiji** · 09-24-2011, 03:37 PM

Since you already know when your baby will be born he should be able to make arrangements at work to be off. Definately understand why you would want your husband to be there. It does sound like a female/male thing going on. He may think it is important to be at work since the labor may take awhile. In this economy who can blame him. You on the other hand want and need his support while you are in the hospital. Hopefully your husband will realize that it is important to you that he is there and will take the day off to be there for you and the baby.

**craftypam** · 09-24-2011, 04:25 PM

You know what's "funny" about this; he wanted to be there to get you where you are (pregnant).
Maybe he doesn't know what selfish means! I would definately want my dh there the whole time. You deserve it.

**Libby** · 09-24-2011, 04:39 PM

I agree, something doesn't sound 'right' about him wanting to go to work vs being there WITH you for the birth of your next child. It sounds like somethings playing on his mind as in stress about money. Is he worried about the hospital/medical bills associated with the upcoming birth? Maybe try to have a discussion with him about this vs brewing silently.

But no I do not think you are being selfish by expecting him to be there for the birth of your next child.

**ladykemma2** · 09-24-2011, 04:44 PM

maybe he could go in til noon to take care of final business and then join you at the hospital.

in this economy we don't dare ask for time off...

here come the thumbs down.

**frugalfranny** · 09-24-2011, 04:49 PM

Originally Posted by Libby

It sounds like somethings playing on his mind as in stress about money. Is he worried about the hospital/medical bills associated with the upcoming birth?

But no I do not think you are being selfish by expecting him to be there for the birth of your next child.

Yeah, that!

Is this any different than how he was before? Have you made him REALLY REALIZE how important it is for you?

If this is different, then something IS going on.......talk about it some more........key word..........TALK!!