Anyone else dealing with infertility??

**Chea** · 07-19-2005, 08:18 PM

I have been off the pill for well over 3 years now. And still....nothing. My dh and I both have child from previous relations but sometimes I get sooo frustrated that we've had NADA results. I think at this point I'm more frustrated that my body just won't do what I want. I don't think we're going to persue any treatments of any kind. I'm sort of thinking that maybe #3 is just not meant to be and I should be content with my ds, dsd and 3 furbabies. Anyone else just kind of given u p??

**mom22grls** · 07-19-2005, 08:38 PM

I've been there!

After 4 years of nothing on our own, I finally dragged myself to a clinic. I had a child before, too, so I knew it had worked at one time.

I went through a couple of doctors until I found one I was comfortable with.

2 years of pills & ovulation kits. Many, many miscarriages. I was heartbroken. Switched doctors again & couldn't get pregnant for over a year.

We made an appointment to take the next step....IVF. We owed a *TON* of money from these past few years, and didn't think we could afford it.

Finally, in November, a week before the appointment, I just gave up. My DD1 was 12, and I wasn't sure this was all worth it. I was almost done raising kids..............

In February, I was late. I didn't want to take a test because I had lost so many, it was just easier *NOT* to know.

I felt sick smelling dinner cook & sent DH to the store for a test & tampons.....I was just sure I'd "start" any day now.

Test was positive & she's 20 mos old now. Perfect pregnancy & she was even a week overdue. 8 lbs & 21 inches of healthy baby girl.

I *will NOT* go through all that again, though. If more come, they come. I can't take 7 years of it again! I would welcome more, but I am happy with my "miracle baby" if that's all I get.

Everybody said "you just try too hard." I used to get so mad. I still do. No one knows what it's like until you've been there.

**Chea** · 07-19-2005, 09:11 PM

Thanks for sharing your story Jamee. Its so difficult to hear "if u stop worrying about it, it'll happen" and to let it "just happen". Also - alot of my inlaws keep asking when we're "going to get started"... *roll eyes

I'm pretty confident that we won't pursue the IVF etc and if we get our miracle baby then so be it. Of course, SIL just had a baby so the baby bug bites alittle harder somedays.

**mom22grls** · 07-19-2005, 09:21 PM

Heather even MONTHS *after* I had my dd2, I'd still get that "twinge" that I want a baby. It had become such a part of my life.

When family & friends would get pregnant, my first reaction was that longing....... & I already HAD my baby!

My family was harsh, too. DH's gramma died before we got pregnant, and I heard it several times....."I wish you could have had a baby before she died." FOR PETE'S SAKE! I didn't *PLAN* it that way!

There is a group/foundatition or whatever called resolve. It was helpful to me to visit their site.

www.resolve.org

**canadian gardener** · 07-19-2005, 09:32 PM

Go to a specialist now rather than continuing to wait it out. Family drs tend to say "it'll happen" till it's getting into the gray zone where the specialist has more and more trouble helping the couple.

Go now, get the work done, see what's in the way, and do something about it before the window of opportunity closes further.

I remember in nurses training the rule of thumb was that a couple should go to a specialist (REGARDLESS OF THE FAMILY DR) if they've been having unprotected relations for a year, and nothing has happened.

Sometimes the right specialist takes several false tries to find. Get someone with some answers who is able to help you. Someone who will be honest with you if he can't help you without bleeding you dry financially first.

**canadian gardener** · 07-19-2005, 09:34 PM

One further thought, the older we get the more our fertility drops, and it does take longer to conceive naturally, but even with that thought, it would sure be better to be getting more help than less help in making the remaining chances better for conception.

**kaykwilts** · 07-19-2005, 10:18 PM

I think you should at least go see the doctor. It could be something really simple that can be treated. I agree with you about not wanting to do the IVF. I hear that it is quite expensive and may or may not result in a pregnancy. That's a lot of money to gamble on having a baby. After having my first child at 35 a year later I wanted to try again for number 2. Several months went by and nothing happened. The doctor finally put my on clomid. I still didn't get pregnant on the clomid. One month I decided not to take the clomid and that was the month it happened. It took me 13 months to get pregnant. My third happened without much effort or planning at all.

**SewCrafty** · 07-20-2005, 09:03 AM

Heather,

Do what Margery (canadian gardener) said. Look in your phone book and find the closest fertility clinic to you. Call your doctor's office and speak to the nurse, ask them which fertility clinic is best. While they won't recommend a doctor, you can ask them where they would go if it was them.

My hubby and I tried for over 15 years. The first 7 or so wasted on an OB that was the nicest man, yet just patted my hand and said "Don't worry honey, it'll happen."

I just had too many internal problems and it never was going to happen.

I too did the clomid, shots, so many ultrasounds I lost count and many, many surgeries later I finally get pregnant but it was ectopic and I lost the baby and my only good falopian tube.

My case was an extreme one, but if you and hubby have both had a child in the past, chances are you can again. You need to see a specialist. The regular OB's, while are great if you are pregnant, don't help you much when you are trying to conceive.

Get the name of a good clinic/doctor in your area and make an appointment. Make a list of all your questions so you don't forget once you are there and find out your options at least. Just because you see a doctor one time does not mean you have to stay with him/her. If you don't click with them, try another! I finally found a terrific infertility doctor, but my time had pretty much run out. Don't wait like I did for lack of knowledge or afraid of hurting your OB's feelings or out of loyalty, believe me, he won't even know he lost a patient.

Keep us updated, we care.

**daddys3chicks** · 07-20-2005, 09:40 AM

I dealt with infertility before the birth of my first DD. DH and I were both married before, but with no kids. When we got married I was 34 and he was 29. We were in good health and never dreamed that there could be any issues.

When we didn't get pregnant after about a year I asked my OB GYN about it. He did some testing - DH was fine, and so was I. He said that I was not sterile, just infertile. I think that was the hardest thing. If nothing was "wrong" then why wasn't I getting pregnant???

We did a round of Clomid to the highest dosage with no results. I let it go and kind of figured we wouldn't have kids. Another friend of mine has remarried and wanted to have kids with her new husband. But, she had a tubal ligation in her first marriage and had a reversal. I decided to talk to her doctor.

He basically looked at me and my age and said he wouldn't mess with it unless we went to Perganol shots and IUI. Well, that was $2000 a cycle not covered by insurance which was not happening. Besides that fact that if there are lots of embryos they push "selective reduction" which is something we couldn't do.

So, I went back to my original OB, who told me to try another round of Clomid. 2 cycles later I was out to lunch with a co-worker. She was jabbering on about something and I thought "O must have eaten too much I feel like I am going to throw up!" Then it dawned on me. I took a pregnancy test and it turned positive immediately. I was so stunned to actually see 2 lines on the thing I took it to about 3 lights to check it!

Anyway, DD#1 was born when I was 40 - no complications - 5 lbs. 13 ozs. We figured at my age that would be it. But when Katie was about two, I started to think that we might try again. I mean, Hollywood stars have babies late in life all the time! The only difference between them and me is money and nannies!

So, this time I went to a reproductive endocrinologist. He put me on Clomid again. He had me start on the 3rd day of my cycle. THe old OB had me starting on the 5th. After 2 months of no results I went for my annual exam. My OB GYN asked if I was doing CLomid and talked about starting on day 5. I switched and was pg the next month with DD#2. Amanda was born when I was 44!

Interestingly enough, about a year after Amanda was born I found out I was in menopause. Looking back I think a lot of my infertility issues were due to being perimenopausal and no one recognizing it.

I was blessed enough to not have to endure any miscarriages. My second pregnancy did have me on bed rest for 5 weeks due to high blood pressure. But she is almost 4 now and a spitfire.

Find a reproductive endocrinologist in your area. Check out your options. At least your will have explored and not regret it later.

HUGS!

**SHOPGIRL** · 08-12-2005, 10:20 AM

Chea,

There are a lot of options out there now. Since your in Michigan, I would recommend going to IVF Michigan. It's located on Rochester Rd. /M-59 in Rochester Hills. I'd ask for Dr. Abuzeid. They have a high success rate. I've been seeing him myself. I haven't taken any fertility drugs yet, but I have had a lot of tests done. I had two miscarriages in one year, and for the past two years I haven't gotten pregnant. One thing I decided to reduce, hopefully eliminate is coffee. I've heard that it may help increase chances of getting pregnant. My friend also told me about a multivitamin called Optivite. It's $21 and you can get it from Walmart. Sometimes they have to order it. There are a lot of options out there, but I wouldn't wait. The older you get, the less likely you are to get pregnant.