I want a baby but....

**mom23boyz** · 06-14-2007, 09:22 PM

well friends I really need some advice here. Almost 10 years ago DH had a vasectomy, I still wanted another baby or two but he said he was done. We were in a bad place in our relationship then. Anyways since then I have wanted a baby on and off and we even talked about adoption but I really want to be pregnant. I am now working with the opregnant and new mommies and am REALLLLLYYYYY struggling. I want a baby so bad its all I think about. I have even started researching DH options for reversal. Do you all think if I had another baby I would be done or will I always feel this way?

**Jaded** · 06-14-2007, 09:41 PM

Getting a vasectomy is a pretty big sign that your husband doesn't want anymore kids. Ultimately, if hubby doesn't want anymore kids, you shouldn't have anymore.

**Cricket1** · 06-14-2007, 09:49 PM

Have you talked to dh about it? How does he feel about it now? If you're in a better place in your relationship and he's for it, go for it!! I don't know anything about vasectomy reversals--is it common or easy to do?

**many houseapes** · 06-14-2007, 09:52 PM

hugs to you...we had thought we were done after #5 & I had a tubal...for me, it was a big mistake.I struggled with what you're describing for almost 3 years & finally had the tubal reversed.i have had 6 more pregnancies since(including a miscarriage)...and I am still saying "I want a few more". I had thought about adoption after the tubal,but I really didn't think that was the road that I was suppose to follow.
I firmly believe-after what I went through- that feeling this "baby craving" is perfectly natural...there are some women who feel it more than others. Fertility is one of God's most wonderful gifts...I didn't realize it until I allowed it to be taken from me.

**Mom23boys** · 06-14-2007, 10:03 PM

I had a tubal also and sometimes I have regretted it. I know that if I hadn't have had it done that I would have had more children. Sometimes I am thankful that I had it done for financial and personal reasons. Within the last year, I have really had a longing to be pregnant, but I know I will never get a reversal so that is out of the question.

If your DH is on board with the reversal, I say go for it!

**DJ1972** · 06-14-2007, 11:50 PM

My husband had a vasectomy 11 years ago, after #2 was born. I am glad we did it then, because I have had weak moments...esp. when a coworker has a new baby...and I know we would have had at least one more. I also know that if I had pushed I could have talked dh into a reversal, but I would rather deal with my occasional babyitis than to wonder if I talked him into something that he truly didn't want and would regret. Financially speaking I am glad we only have 2, the teen years are upon us and then college

! Plus, my "baby wanting" mode doesn't last that long, once I remember I get to sleep through the night, my kids dress themselves, and wipe their own rears, lol. My prayers are with you, it's a tough decision.

**YankeeMom** · 06-15-2007, 09:24 AM

My dh had a vasectomy about 4 yrs ago. There's no baby wanting here lol. But my SIL & BIL had three boys, then got he got a vasectomy. Actually, they had two boys, he had the vasectomy & the same day SIL found out she was pregnant again (boy #3). When the youngest was starting Kindergarden, they decided they wanted another & looked into reversal. They found out that after 5-6yrs the chances for a successful reversal are very very slim. They decided against it & still only have the three boys.

**Ceashels** · 06-15-2007, 10:06 AM

I agree with Jaded. Both of you would need to want more children. There is a significant strain on the relationship if another child is brought into the family that the husband does not really want. And if another child is agreed upon... then you really need to look at the success rates of vasectomy reversals. Adoption may be the better choice.

**acarpenter** · 06-15-2007, 10:24 AM

I had my tubes tied after number 5 and not a day has gone by that I dont regret it.That was 2 years ago.I have been saving for a reversal and hope to be able next year to get it done.

**Neeley** · 06-15-2007, 11:23 AM

My doc is always bringing up me getting my tubes tied and I refuse to. I have always wanted more kids. Right now there is a strong possiblity I would not survive if I were to get prego. However, when I get better I will have more. I am also very open to adoption, especially a hard to place child or a special needs child. DH thinks we will be too old and does not really want anymore. I told him that was just too bad. He won't get a vasectomy done, I guarantee that. He hates the thought of any surgery. When all is said and done he will go along with whatever makes me happy because he says making me happy is what makes him happy.

Good luck with whatever decision you make. I think that if you really want another baby, you should have some serious talks with your DH. Your wants and needs are no less important than his. Whatever is meant to be will be.

**kittykatstrong** · 06-15-2007, 12:24 PM

If you both want it then I say look in to getting the reversal. If he still does not want a baby then I would let it go.

Katy

**Lady_V** · 06-15-2007, 12:51 PM

Oh... do I know all about baby-wanting. We are currently trying, although we think it's a very VERY slim chance we will actually get pregnant.

Before we adopted DD (and, she is an only child too) I had the worst case of baby-wanting. First... I got a cat... then 2 cats... then a ferret... then a second ferret... then fish... every time I went baby-crazy... I bought another fish... at one point, we had 3 50 gallon tanks... so, ya... I really want a baby.

There is another option that I haven't seen anyone post yet. Become a foster parent. We had actually looked in to becoming one a few years ago, but we got divorced before we finished the process.

**Dancing Lotus** · 06-15-2007, 01:56 PM

If your dh realy wants to then get it revearsed.
Otherwise let it be.
Be greatful for the children you have and give them the very best of you!

I had my tubes tided and I have NOT regreated it for one second. Somebody once asked me "what if you lost your children and wanted more?" Personaly I find that remark offensive. A child can not be replaced. And if I lost one I certainly would have to heart to have more.

**mom23boyz** · 06-16-2007, 01:53 AM

Thanks all. yeah hubby and I talked about the reversal and decided its best not to do it. For one the cost of the reversal is about $8000.00 plus. The chances of it working they say are pretty good but I decided that if its meant to be God will make it happen. We had a friend whos son had one and 10 + years later DW got pregnant. I have a job and our lives are much better now in every way and for me someone else raising my baby while I worked would not be an option. I have decided to put this too in the hands of a higher power. No more baby mags at work and just finding new mind focuses when it gets hard. AND it is hard, really hard. (hmmm thinking maternity building not the place for a "baby craver")

**i.m.cheap** · 06-16-2007, 10:36 AM

I had my tubes tied after my second dd was born. I was almost 35. I have had no regrets. DH only has one child, our dd Molly. I had my other daughter when I was 16, and she was already grown when I had the second one. By the time we get this one raised, I will have been raising kids for 36 years. That is long enough! Dh is perfectly happy with one child, even though he is ten years younger than me. We both look forward to some "alone time" when Molly goes off to college.

I say, enjoy the three boys you have, and look forward to being like newlyweds

when you have an "empty nest".