Best way to pass frugality on...

[Momto2Boyz]

to your kids?

I'm just curious, for those of you who have or have had younger kids in the house while practicing a frugal lifestyle, how do you explain it to the little ones?

For years, we just never had extra money. So to explain to our 4 year old why he couldn't buy toys, etc... we would just tell him that we don't have the money. So now, instead of asking when we are at the store, he says "I know I can't get any toys, becuase we don't have any money."

I'm thinking we made a mistake in this. Now that we have extra money, I realize that we should have taught him that even when we have the extra money, we don't really need all these things that he wants to buy. My seven year old understands this concept, but it's lost on my four year old. So, now, I think we need to make the transition, so that he understands that even when we have extra money on hand, we don't need to buy the things we want, only the things that we need. Does that make sense to anyone? And how did you explain this to younger ones, so that the frugal values sank in? I'm just hoping we can build a frugal foundation, so he is financially responsible when he is older!

[sunshine]

We explained to our kids that we CHOSE not to spend our money on those things, so we could have money for other things. For example, we told our almost teens that we chose to drive older cars that were paid for, in order to pay for gymnastics coaching and meet fees. . . we chose to eat at home, in order to be able to donate to various charities we felt were worthwhile. . . we chose to wear garage sale clothing, in order to be able to take 2 week vacations across the country. . .. we chose to make our own baby food, in order to be able to save money for college. . . and so forth.

Example is also a huge factor -- if you go to the store with a list and only buy what is on the list. .. then you're ok. .. but if you tell your kids "no you can't have that, it's not on the list" and they see you toss in a magazine at the check out, flavored coffee, etc. They'll not understand the concept.

[Mtngrl25]

I'd say the main thing (which you're probably already doing and don't realize it consciously) is passing it on by example. Kids see the choices we make, both in the things we do and do NOT do. If we're not constantly buying newer, shinier, brighter toys for ourselves (because it's a waste of money or resources, and what we already have still works fine), they're not as prone to pick it up as a value themselves. Yeah, they're still going to nag us for new toys and such, but the day to day example they're seeing is to use what we already have, kwim?

Also, discussing with them the choices we make. DS turned 18 in March, and we always go out to dinner wherever the birthday person wants (this is about the only time we go out!). Things got so busy and crazy, we just now got around to his birthday dinner. He said he wanted to go to the local Japanese restaurant....I asked him "dinner or lunch?". He looked at me like I'd lost my mind and said "Uh, lunch, of course! It costs 3 times as much for dinner, which is insane!". He knew this because we talked about it over the years. He valued the food and "going out" experience with us for his birthday, but did not value the "dinner" experience at 3X the cost (even though it wasn't his money).

It's not easy, and good for you for thinking ahead!

[mommy4ever]

I agree with SUnshine. We make a *choice*.

My older kids understand that if they want to play in sports, go on tournaments, have a seasonal campsite, we chose to make cut backs in other areas in order to provide that.

There are times we just CAN'T afford things, period. But I don't feel that they need to know that entirely and stress themselves over that either.

I keep an envelope of *mad money*, for a few impulse buys. With dd4, I tell her that mommy's spending money is all used up for now, another time maybe, or better yet, we'll go to a garage sale and look for something special later. She's a great garage saler, she forages for stuff she can envision making into something else. She's made some wonderful pictureframes.

[celina]

we're really honest with our kids, like my mom was with me...and unlike dh's parents....

ok you want the 10$ toy, how is it any different than the multitude of others you don't play with, with 10$ we can.....(buy steak and shrimp for your supper (her fav) we can have enough gas to go to the arboretum....means the sooner we visit grandpa if we save it.....does the toy have to be new.....can we keep our eyes out for it at garage sales etc......


as well with commercials....she now knows NOTHING is as great as it seems on the tv commercial....she is 7 and actually screams at the tv....LIARS you ARENT getting our MONEY!!!!!

[perSue]

first and foremost, i believe, actions speak louder than words.

having said that, talking about it doesnt hurt either.

when we get extra money (raises, bonus, tax stuff, etc) we put it away and SAY we put it away.

we pay bills with the extra, sure... BUT we dont just stuff it away forever collecting dust.

we state "ok, we got this amt extra... what are some options to do with it."

frivolous ideas are thrown away immediately (ie, new game station, toys, etc.).

now we DO keep things like vacation ideas, something for the house, or an activity for us ALL to do (that we'd all WANT to do!)

but mostly, actions... kids are VERY bright... and "monkey see, monkey do" will take hold... one day.

[McD]

I really dont have much advice on this other than to explain to the kids WHY you are doing what you are doing. Like Sunshine said, "We aren't going to buy that toy today. Instead, we'd rather use the money to do xyz."

The timing of this is great--I took Wesley grocery shopping on Saturday and was explaining to him my couponing. At one point I said to him: Wesley! These Lay's chips are on sale for 1.77! ANd I have a 1$ off coupon! That means we are getting chips for 77 cents" He said "Good job Mommy" but all the other shoppers looked at me like I had a third eye.

[chevy_chick95]

We explained to our kids that we CHOSE not to spend our money on those things, so we could have money for other things. For example, we told our almost teens that we chose to drive older cars that were paid for, in order to pay for gymnastics coaching and meet fees. . . we chose to eat at home, in order to be able to donate to various charities we felt were worthwhile. . . we chose to wear garage sale clothing, in order to be able to take 2 week vacations across the country. . .. we chose to make our own baby food, in order to be able to save money for college. . . and so forth.

Example is also a huge factor -- if you go to the store with a list and only buy what is on the list. .. then you're ok. .. but if you tell your kids "no you can't have that, it's not on the list" and they see you toss in a magazine at the check out, flavored coffee, etc. They'll not understand the concept.

i agree.. this is a great way!

[PrairieRose]

The timing of this is great--I took Wesley grocery shopping on Saturday and was explaining to him my couponing. At one point I said to him: Wesley! These Lay's chips are on sale for 1.77! ANd I have a 1$ off coupon! That means we are getting chips for 77 cents" He said "Good job Mommy" but all the other shoppers looked at me like I had a third eye.

Ok that's adorable.....

When my dkids were small I'd just say 'we don't need a SUPERnintendo, we have a Nintendo with 30 games. When you get the SUPERnintendo they'll come out with the SuperDupernintendo and you'll want that one. It's a trick, don't be an easy target Ofcourse they'd whine and moan and beg and after a few years I'd buy the Supernintendo.....but we didn't buy a toy everytime we went to the store. I would just say, no toys, don't ask. They'd whine, moan and beg and every once in a while I'd buy em a toy......but for the most part I stuck to my guns. It's really for their own good. They don't need all the crap they want, unlike us adults

[coup]

With twin 4 year olds, this is a task in progress for us.

They know I cut coupons to "save us money". They also know that by cutting coupons we can go on a vacation.

I don't usually take them shopping with me. That helps. I also cringe when they watch the Disney channel (we usually watch PBS) and at every commerical I hear "I want that". At this point, I tell them we need to ask Santa for toys.

I think I'll start working on them about "choices." We already talk about behavior choices, so this should work for them.

HTH!

[zakity]

I eliminated the "I wants" by keeping a running list of their "I wants" in my phone. They each have a list and I am more than happy to add what they want to it.

I also did the "we choose to not spend our money on this so that we can afford that".

I gave them choices about things. We went to the circus. It was a $100 day between gas, tickets, eating lunch out, etc. They walked out of there going "I want to go again.". So, on the way home, we talked about it. I told them that we could go to the circus again or we could use that $100 to go on 5 field trips. They chose the field trips.

We started a chore chip system. They got a chip per chore and they could turn the chips in for computer time or money. It has morphed into just money, but they are loving it. They are saving up to buy things that they want.

We homeschool and they have an activity budget. I bought cheap play money from the dollar store and covered it in clear tape. I used a white board to list all their activities, the gas it took to get there and back, and the fees associated with that activity. They had x amount to spend and had to decide which ones they wanted to go to. It was great to teach them budgeting.

I have a budget. I also have a bills spreadsheet. We talk about money and how expensive or cheap things are. We spend time looking up the government's thrifty food plan and seeing how much we spend in comparison. We talk about what we have money for and what we don't have money for.

[Frugal Nurse]

I like the ideas already stated.
Sunshine! you're so funny... I'd feel so guilty! lol!

But there is truth to the statements.

You save and cut corners and choose not to purchase frivolous things so that you can be a STAY AT HOME MOM!!!

Not many mom's these days have that privilege -sadly so. But a four year old may understand that dollars not spent means you have enough money to stay at home.

"Cuz Johnnie has to go to a daycare all day and can't see his mom till the end of the day.. ... and I don't want you to have to be in a strangers house all day long..." kind of thing.

You're doing a great job BTW!


Mrs McDowell - hysterical little boy you have! I sense this little son of yours is going to grow up to be someone important and influencial. He's surely knows how to work the right people. I mean that in a good way. He's sensitive to others and isn't afraid to show it.

[DonnainME]

At one point I said to him: Wesley! These Lay's chips are on sale for 1.77! ANd I have a 1$ off coupon! That means we are getting chips for 77 cents" He said "Good job Mommy" but all the other shoppers looked at me like I had a third eye.

That is so cute.

Donna