How do you explain frugal to your 3yr old?

**frugal is fun** · 09-24-2008, 10:56 AM

So quite frequently my son will ask me for a happy meal, a new toy, candy or anything really. I have not yet mastered the art of trying to explain that yes I have the money to buy it for you, no, not in my wallet but in the bank, but I choose to save for your college, for my retirement, for a down payment for a house etc.

My usual answer is "I don't have any money" but I don't want him to grow up thinking we are totally broke because we're not, I'm just choosing to spend our money on bigger and better things.

any suggestions on how to explain so my 3yr old will understand and how to get him to go along with the plan?

**McD** · 09-24-2008, 11:10 AM

I try to explain frugalness as I go to Wesley. When we're grocery shopping together, I let him hold the coupons, I tell him about the great deals we're getting and I tell him we're frugal.

When he asks for something like McDonalds or a toy, I don't reference the money aspect. I instead say something along the lines of, "You have all those nice toys at home to play with. We need to leave this toy in the store for a little girl or boy who would have more fun with it." When he wants McDonalds and I tell him no, I try to get him involved in the meal planning and cooking instead. It's working for him so far but as he gets older, I'm sure we'll have to switch it up.

**LexTysMommy** · 09-24-2008, 11:18 AM

My kids are older but I never say i dont have any money. Instead I say christmas is coming ( when they ask for toy) then we go write on list. Maybe you can tell him Christmas or birthday or whatever is close and have him draw a picture of it and put in little book. kind of a wish thing. make it fun. then go empty his toybox and wow lots of toys he didnt remember he had. LOL

as far as mcdonals, if we go, we split fries and get something on dollar menu, and split drink. But my kids like to figure out how much dinner cost to make, so we talk about how we can make lots of meals for under $15 that we would spend if we each got a happy meal and value meal. Otherwise we go home and make what they had wanted at mcdonalds, put in paper bag, and "deliver" it like mcdonalds. Like chicken nuggets/fries/hamburger/cut up apples. then they have to go pick each other out a toy from their room.That was fun the few times we did it.

If they want candy at grocery store, i tell them its not good for their teeth, and we can go find something at home, or buy cake/cookie mix and we will make that at home later.

At age 3, its early enough to get started on other things besides i want i want i want. Good luck! hope to help

**joyofsix** · 09-24-2008, 11:19 AM

I always say "That's not how we spend our money." Sometimes I elaborate and say, we're going to use our money for vacation, or birthdays or new shoes or whatever the child can understand. I do allow judicious purchases at garage sales and try to bring 'better' snacks on our trips or errands to compensate. I keep a sale priced container of juice boxes and teddy grahams for grocery trips. It seems like a huge treat to my 4yo and she only gets it maybe three times/month so the container goes a looong way.

**gardenstategirl** · 09-24-2008, 11:32 AM

When my kids were little and asked for something at the grocery store, I would tell them "it's not on sale this week. We'll have to watch for a sale" and it worked most of the time. It wasn't until years later that I realized DS thought that everyone could only buy things when they were "on sale."

**monkeywrangler71** · 09-24-2008, 11:50 AM

If something is wasteful, I tell them it's a waste. If they want a toy from a store, I tell them that it belongs to Mr. Walmart and their toys are at their house. They don't know happy meals exist, even though we eat at Mcdonald's often. They split fries and nuggets, no toy - as far as I'm concerned the meal is your treat, you don't get a present for eating it.

I've never used the word "frugal" with them (they're still working on the nouns and verbs), and I never say we can't afford something as I think it sends the wrong message (ie. it's okay to throw away money if you can afford it)

**Fotobug** · 09-24-2008, 11:53 AM

Originally Posted by joyofsix

I always say "That's not how we spend our money." Sometimes I elaborate and say, we're going to use our money for vacation, or birthdays or new shoes or whatever the child can understand.

I really like that! I made the mistake of just using the "we don't have enough money" line and then I found myself trying to explain that no, we aren't "poor."

Starting out explaining about making good choices and saving for something he can identify with is a much better strategy!

**frugal is fun** · 09-24-2008, 01:24 PM

Fotobug I agree, I don't want him to think we're poor because we're not, just smart! HA!

Thanks for the great ideas. At least I realize that I could be doing things much better than I'm doing them now. I just need to choose my words more carefully and get him more involved in the "frugal" process.

Thanks!!

**Lady_V** · 09-24-2008, 02:14 PM

I don't tell DD we don't have the money... at one point, we really didn't have ANY money. As well as we tried to hide it, she knew. I don't beat myself up about it anymore, because that's life. It's not always peaches (have you seen the price of peaches lately?

)

When she wants something, I ask her if she has her money with her because it is not something she needs right now. (If it is something she NEEDS, she would of course get it)

What worked for us was a piggy bank which was actually a play money cash drawer I bought at the Dollar Tree. She started out with $5 in a few play bills and change. If she didn't touch it for a month, she got a REAL quarter. (interest) If she wanted something at the store I would tell her how much it cost and if she had the money for it. She wanted the quarter more than she wanted whatever caught her eye.

Occasionally she chose the item over the interest and when we got home she had to give me the paper money.

Now she has graduated to real money. Her uncle is always handing her a dollar when he sees her. She has it tucked away in her room and there are times she will come out of her room, ask me how much something is... and race back to her room to count her money out and see if she has enough.

Right now... she's saving for a car

She's 8!!!

**zakity** · 09-24-2008, 11:36 PM

I would give them a choice. We could buy that toy or we could go do something fun like a field trip. They had an "activity budget" and they had to decide what activities they were doing. They had to pay for gas, me a soda pop sometimes, and entrance fees to the places out of the budget. We also have a "chore board" and they do chores and get a chip. Chips are worth $0.20. As they get older, more chores get added and their opportunity to earn more money is expanded. They can now make about $20 a month and they are 12, 10 and 10.

**Darlene** · 09-25-2008, 08:14 AM

My kids knew that garage sales were when they'd get a little something special.

When they got older I just started singing the chorus to "You Can't Always Get What You Want" by the Rolling Stones. It got louder as they got older. Mwahaha

You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes, well you might find
You get what you need

Ds saw that in one of those musical cards and was going to get it & give it to me until he saw the price,lol.

**lottaLove** · 09-25-2008, 04:26 PM

I made the mistake of telling DS once that we could not buy something because it cost too much money (it was a Dora toy for almost $40.00.....indeed way too much money). But now, everytime there is something that he wants, he associates it with money. Before he asks me to buy something, it is always "mummy, do you have any money?" Sheesh they are smart.
I don't want DS to think we are poor, but at the same time I want him to know that all of these things he wants do cost money. But, I don't want him to think the only reason we are not buying them is because of their cost. So I try to tell him about things that don't cost any money. We can go to the library and take out wonderful books, that doesn't cost money. We can go play at the park....also very inexpensive. Not sure if this is the exact right approach, but I just want him to understand that fun and happyness are not hand in hand with the bank.

**cab54** · 09-25-2008, 07:12 PM

When my oldest boy was about 4, he wanted something at checkout. I can't remember exactly what I said, but it meant no.

He said "Write them one of those paper things." The checkout woman laughed so hard at that one.

**lukesmama** · 09-26-2008, 12:07 AM

I am pretty matter-of-fact with my 3yo. He has been asking for Lunchables at the store (keep in mind, the last time he had one - in a pinch, long ago - he picked at it and didn't even really finish it, or seem to like it, yet for some reason I can't walk by them in the store without him asking for one). So I tell him, sorry, it's not on my shopping list. Now he asks every time, "are they on your list today, Mama?" LOL. Yesterday I finally said, "I'm pretty sure they'll never be on my list." He asked why and I told him the truth - because they're overpriced and don't even taste that great. He forgot all about it after that.

(Now, we'll see if he begs next week. After all, he IS three. LOL.)