how to get 18 & 10 year old on board?

**kaurand554** · 10-01-2008, 12:23 AM

18 year old thinks I am a bank!

10 year old thinks we are broke....

Gave up part of EF to give him a loan...
for car etc to get it on the road...

I DO NOT HAVE ATM on my forehead...

I know I read posts about husbands or wives not joining; how do you make your kids see the light?

Christmas is coming.... can't make it what it used to be....
how do you get them to see the light?
thinking of shocking them all...
only gift can be from the heart and home made....

should I mention they want for noting...
thinking if I had 500 budgeted go on trip....
for family.....at least then it will be memorable.........

I hate this time of year..................
everything is about traditions....
ours were blasted out of the water.......

l

**Hucky** · 10-01-2008, 01:59 AM

Okay, here are somethings I would try, all of which depend on your personal situation:

1) I would try and get the 10 year old on board by giving him a proportion of your savings as his allowance (not sure if he gets one?) What I mean is, if he helps you save $10 by choosing a cheaper option of something, then he gets $1. Still saves you money and he should get into it too. Could make if less. Eg, if my son wants pizza he needs to find a voucher, which makes it $5 cheaper, and then he can have $0.50c. Saves me money, keeps him happy.

Try giving some specific ideas of how they are not getting into it? Food wise, treat wise, toy wise, clothes wise etc? That will help with tips I think.

**lwlynch** · 10-01-2008, 08:00 AM

Well mine are about the same age..
I just sat down and had a chat with my daughter who will be attending college next year. I said first that, we will be here to help and to guide you. But you will have to see what kind of classes you have but you will most prob need a job. And from that job, you will take 1/4 of it and it will go in a savings account, next would be gas for the car, then what is left she will get a budget of 20 for her running money. Then what ever was really left she will start to assume payment of her car insurance (first accident and she will have to find her own) then her cell phone. (if it exceeds more than 300 minutes in a month) she will then also have to get her own cell phone plan.) Of course this is all while she is living at home. When she moves it out it is all her responsibility.
Of course we will be watching and most prob assisting to get this college finances in order and make them payable.. (i am too frugal to not to.)

Now my 11 year old. I told him as of sept 1 (to say to himself) "If it is not free, it is not for me" He is a mini spendacholic! I told him that I have a budget for Christmas and that I would start deducting from that. Also told him that 1/4 of Christmas cash goes in his savings too..

Now we will see........ hopefully they get the idea.. I think so...

**Greebo** · 10-01-2008, 08:40 AM

Originally Posted by kaurand554

18 year old thinks I am a bank!

10 year old thinks we are broke....

Gave up part of EF to give him a loan...
for car etc to get it on the road...

I DO NOT HAVE ATM on my forehead...

I know I read posts about husbands or wives not joining; how do you make your kids see the light?

Was the car that 18 yr old needed to get on the road necessary in order for him to earn an income? If not, then it wasn't an emergency, and you might very well only be enabling his perspective that you, in fact, are a bank. If you allow his problems to become YOUR problems, then he no longer has a problem, so why would he need to solve it?

I think you should consider reading the book [ame="http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Participants-GuideRevised-When-Control/dp/0310278082/ref=pd_bbs_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1222864781&sr=8-1"]Boundaries[/ame], by Cloud/Townsend.

**Moor** · 10-01-2008, 09:06 AM

Originally Posted by kaurand554

18 year old thinks I am a bank!

10 year old thinks we are broke....

Gave up part of EF to give him a loan...
for car etc to get it on the road...

I DO NOT HAVE ATM on my forehead...

I know I read posts about husbands or wives not joining; how do you make your kids see the light?

Christmas is coming.... can't make it what it used to be....
how do you get them to see the light?
thinking of shocking them all...
only gift can be from the heart and home made....

should I mention they want for noting...
thinking if I had 500 budgeted go on trip....
for family.....at least then it will be memorable.........

I hate this time of year..................
everything is about traditions....
ours were blasted out of the water.......

l

First of all, no more giving money to the 18 year old. He/she is old enough to get a job for spending money.

Your 18 year old is old enough to sit him down and have a frank talk with him. Tell him that you are trying to get out of debt, that you are wanting a more simple life. He can either go along with the plan by helping, or he can get a job and start paying his own way. I know it may sound harsh, but that is what we did with our kids. My dd/18 pays her own cell phone portion of the bill, also pays her own insurance part of the bill. She now has her own apartment, but she is still on our plans for these things, but as long as she doesn't go over the minutes, or has an accident, then she can stay on.

As for the younger child, sit him down, tell him you are not broke, but you are wanting to save money. Let him know that you will buy what he needs, but things that he wants, he will have to help save the money to pay for them himself.

**ironmaiden** · 10-01-2008, 09:27 AM

And what is the 18 year old doing in return for this money?
Are there any strings attached - mowing the lawn, cooking, running errands etc.

**Araceli** · 10-01-2008, 11:47 PM

Well, I think it's more important to get the 18 year old to work and contribute to home expenses with at least say, 80% of his income if he is still living at home. Many parents will debate on this point but i think it necessary to teach him that money is hard earned and doesn't grow on trees.

I work since I was eight and it totally changed my view on money. Of course, in the beginning I wasn't very excited about having to wake up at 5 in the morning and hit the bike to go at my aunt's place to pick up advertisements and deliver them all around the block before I went to school. It wasn't a big or important job but it taught me from an early age that you have to work very hard if you want some extra, because with parents already giving us food, clothes and a home to live in, the very least we can do is not asking them for more items, and working is a nice way to repay -even in a small amount- what your parents do for you everyday when you are still living at their home. Maybe your 10 year old can get a simple job in the same way. I'm sure he will feel very happy to contribute to home expenses (maybe you can allow him to pay half the electricity bill for next month, or the food bill next time you go to the market. It's lovely to feel useful), and he can save the 20% he gets and after a while turn it into a small biz he can have fun at (I used to sell chocolate covered marshmallows). The most important thing is that he will learn the value of money.

I am 25 now, and went through college with a 60% scholarship and 40% loan plan. I worked and saved all the money to repay the loan, occasionally sending my parents a paycheck, instead of partying, and I skipped buying a car. Of course, sometimes I felt like I could be having a lot more fun in college, but now that I see the enormous debt my roommates and friends have, I feel very relieved to have paid it fully and know to have acted wisely. I got a formal job and the same car I skipped at college, I bought after in cash (now Im planning to get rid of it, lol). The most important learning I got out of it was how to be independent, highly organized with my expenses, and how to set priorities among them. It's the kind of thing that seems a bit tiresome in the beginning but you end up thanking for.

**misscas** · 10-02-2008, 12:15 AM

A good financial chat with an 18 year old is always advisable. I hope he/she took personal finance in high school. If not, sign up for it at the nearest community college or university. He/She should know:
1. How to cook
2. clean
3. do laundry
4. budget
5. balance a check book
6. how to grocery shop for healthy, nutritious food
7. read a book about the ins and outs of Roth IRAs, 401k, 403b
8. basic concept of building credit
9. how to properly use a credit card and pay it off in full every month
10. be asked to read a book about how to buy a house

**itlw8** · 10-02-2008, 10:13 AM

Originally Posted by Greebo

Was the car that 18 yr old needed to get on the road necessary in order for him to earn an income? If not, then it wasn't an emergency, and you might very well only be enabling his perspective that you, in fact, are a bank. If you allow his problems to become YOUR problems, then he no longer has a problem, so why would he need to solve it?

I think you should consider reading the book Boundaries, by Cloud/Townsend.

YES PLEASE learn this now or it does get worse I know from experience.

Yes I still loan money to the boys but with interest and payments laid out in writing first. I am still working on this problem

If possible make him EARN the money first need a tank of gas... mom has some money then I need the oven cleaned the fridge cleaned. the grass mowed.

mom does not have the money take the bus or call a friend like he does for them so often

time for a family meeting and lay the rules on the line. give them a written copy and then stick to what they say.

as far as the whol family find a way everyone benifits.... like a % savings envelope and the family can decide what to use it for both short term and long term goals.

As far as Christmas there have been a few years I gave the boys a certificate for $50 off their debt to me.

**Guest57** · 10-02-2008, 08:22 PM

I have 2 dds and this is our plan with them: They earn money and 15% goes right to dh to put in their savings accounts. The rest they can spend however they choose. They are both in 4H and one dances, the other one does Karate...THE DEAL IS THIS: They do the following to 'pay' for their extra curricular:
Kitchen
Dusting
Vaccuming
Own bathroom cleaning
Own laundry
Own bedding
They are required to choose and help prepare one evening meal a week
Once a month they must accompany mom to grocery store to help shop

My girls aren't perfect, but I learned long ago that once they turned in to a teenager, it was my job to prepare them to be independent of me and dh! They know what things cost, they know how much dh makes, and they sit with dh and see where the money goes. An 18 year old NEEDS to get a job and become independent or you will be his 'bank' the rest of your life! GOOD LUCK