Financial Plan for a Newbie

**AprilP** · 10-13-2008, 12:35 PM

Some background: My mother passed away last Monday very suddenly of a heart attack, and my father has no experience handling money. My mother did everything for 45 years, though not very well, she was not a good money manager, and "juggled" everything constantly, paying only what was absolutely necessary to keep things from getting cut off.

Back to my father - He can't write a check, can't use an ATM, has no idea how to grocery shop, nothing.

I've been trying to get their finances sorted out, and their bills are pretty behind. I've paid the ones I can, but the funeral took a huge chunk (she had no life insurance either). And now that she's passed, he will no longer be getting her social security check to help.

His monthly bills will be covered by his check, but right now, trying to get all the late payments caught up is going to take most of his current check.

He's so used to my mom ordering pizza and going out to eat whenever they want to, I think that was her biggest downfall - she spent WAY too much money on food each month. My mother spent close to 700 dollars a month on food. For TWO OF THEM.

How can I help my father "learn a new trick" after 45 years? I would help financially, but right now things are so tight for us, I just can't see my way clear to do so.

Any ideas on how to train someone to be frugal who has no clue?

**alch** · 10-13-2008, 02:56 PM

Can he use a microwave? Mabey you can buy some microwable foods and start from there. He needs to do what he can because if you start doing it, it will become your job.Is there a cafeteria near by that he can go to once or twice a week? You are in my prayers for the loss of your mother.

**dcompton** · 10-13-2008, 03:41 PM

No real suggestions. This is surely a terrible time for him that will only be made worse by financial anxiety or a radical cutting back to a frugal lifestyle he is not accustomed to.

I do agree with some microwaveable things. Not the most frugal, but one step at a time. Asking him to really cook would surely be overwhelming right now.

I'm sorry you and your father are dealing with this loss. I'm sure others on the board will have suggestions that will help.

**JENROY** · 10-13-2008, 03:43 PM

First of all, I'm very sorry to hear about your mother.
Angel food ministries has a $25.00 (for 10 meals, I think) that just need to be heated up for seniors. Also I would maybe look into Meals On Wheels for inexpensive food.
Secondly, I would make him a budget printout on a calendar showing him what needs to be paid when. If his bills differ from month to month, maybe look into a payment plan.
Good luck!

**MomToTwoBoys** · 10-13-2008, 03:54 PM

He could start by reading about financial things from people like Dave Ramsey. If he wants to learn the bare basics, he can also pick up the Tightwad Gazette. I'd suggest to him that he look online for things like frugality, budgets, cooking from scratch, ways to make extra money, etc. There are alot of basic ideals he can start with.

I'm sorry for your family's loss.

**AprilP** · 10-14-2008, 12:43 PM

I'm not so worried about him eating, as he does know how to microwave and is a mean hand at a BBQ grill.

I thought about a calendar (and even bought him one) for the bills, but since he only gets social security (once a month) that's kind of a moot point, as it makes more sense to pay all the bills at once, then pay any stragglers as they come in.

I guess I need to just sit down and teach him how to write a check and use a check register to record everything to keep track. His eyesight isn't so great though, for reading the tiny print on bills.

Do you think I should go to the bank with him and have him put me on his bank account so I can set up online banking and take care of his bills when I do my bills? Just give him an allowance like my mom always did? At least he won't balk at that since he's used to it.

I did think about Angel Food, but my father is NOTORIOUSLY picky about what he eats. He ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT EAT: spaghetti, meatloaf, fish, or any type of pasta dish. So that's a problem. He is definitely a meat and potatoes kind of guy.

My sister and I had the idea of getting together once or twice a month and cook things for him that can be frozen in single serving portions and just re-heated.

I'm sure if I just take a step back, I'll eventually figure something out, I'm probably just a little overwhelmed myself.

**Cricketlegs** · 10-14-2008, 01:13 PM

I am confused.

My dad died 2 years ago 3days before he was due his first SS check.

My mother gets his check even though they were divorced over 10 years and he was remarried.

Why doesn't your dad get your moms check???

I admit I don't understand alot about this stuff.

My Grandmother also got my Grandfathers after he died until she died.

**AprilP** · 10-14-2008, 03:40 PM

Cricketlegs,

I believe when one of a couple dies and they are both on SS, the surviving spouse can choose which check to get, theirs or their spouses. (Though I could be wrong about this.)

In my dad's case, his SS check is almost double what my mom's was. (she only worked before I was born and when I was a young child. She became a SAHM after my sister was born, and hadn't worked in over 30 years.)

He also has a very small pension (about 200 a month) from the company he worked at when I was a child. The company he worked at later didn't offer a pension plan. The downside of being a construction worker, I guess.

**Terri S** · 10-18-2008, 08:54 PM

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

Terri S.

**PrairieRose** · 10-18-2008, 10:26 PM

I'm sorry to hear about your mom AprilP. I lost my own about a year and 1/2 ago.

It's not easy seeing your daddy through this stuff. Yes, you 2 can go to the bank and he can add you to his checking account on the signature card where you can take care of his account. You can also make it P.O.D. to you or sister or both so that when his time comes that you will have access to the money for final expenses and it won't be tied up with the estate. (P.O.D. means payable on death...sorry it's not my term

). Anyway....I take care of my daddy's checking account. He can write checks but he stubs them wrong or forgets to write the amount in, etc....so we have it to where he takes a couple of hundred in cash and I pay the bills and reconcile the bank statement. I know where he stands at almost all times. You can get through this, but it's not easy. I'm sorry.........

**Marie78** · 10-18-2008, 11:08 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss (Hugs). I know it will be extra work for you, but it might be easier if you can help him write those monthly checks for bills and give him an allowance. Since you did say he's used to that. I thought your idea of cooking him some meals he can heat up is a great idea. Especially if they are single serve meals and he can save his containers for you to reuse when you make him some more meals. If you had him over once a week for dinner and your sister has him over for dinner just as often that's one or two nights a week taken care of for dinners for him. You are in my thoughts and prayers at this difficult time.

**Patty A** · 10-19-2008, 07:33 AM

Sorry to hear about your loss, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I do have one idea about the check book. They have checks that make a carbon copy as you write them. This way he wouldn't forget to write them down as a copy would be right there for you to look at. I do think your idea for cooking and freezing his meals would really help. And with your sister to help you it would be quick and easy to do with the things he really does like. At least then you would know he was getting good food and you wouldn't have to worry that he was going hungry. Your an awesome daughter to be looking out for your dad this way!