any sites on abuse of parents by children?

**bluedog** · 03-15-2009, 12:34 PM

You need help from outside your house and very soon! This will get progessively worse not better without some serious intervention. This will have to include the entire family including sibling. And you will have to make a decision to all stick together in carrying out the intervention recommended by your professional of choice or it will be an utter waste of time and blood sweat and tears! You are not just being annoyed or inconvienced, this is actual abuse? You are being physically attacked? This afternoon you should begin to seek assistance for this child and yourselves. I wish you all the best and hope you will have the strength to do what is required.

I speak from years of experience as a mental health professional.

**MyMelody** · 03-15-2009, 12:53 PM

I second the other posters' suggestions to seek individual and family counseling for your DD. Depending on what her family history of mental illness may be, she might also need some type of a medication to aid with her aggression. Also, have her checked by a doctor to rule out any physical/biological reason for her behavior. Clear boundaries and consistent discipline (w/ zero wiggle room and immediate consequences) help with kids who act out defiantly like this. By all means, document her behavior, even if all you do is summarize the date and circumstances in a notebook.

If your child continues to act out aggressively towards you and your husband, or is destroying property, etc., I recommend contacting your county's juvenile probation office and requesting to file a Family In Need Of Services (FINS) petition. This will aid in getting your family linked with therapy, training, and other services that may be available in your area. It also begins the process of documenting a history of behavior in the event that your child should need more intensive services.

**Nishu** · 03-15-2009, 01:18 PM

I can't believe the things she says to me and dh. She tells us she hates us and is going to kill us and that we are stupid. She also puts me down and tells me I am fat and ugly. (That is the truth, but it hurts coming out the mouth of someone you love, regardless if they mean it or not.)

Ok... you see that right there? That tells me you've got about 0 self respect. Your daughter knows that. You need to man up. Be pack leader. Show your teeth.

Do you think your inlaws would put up with that behavior? Do you think her teachers would? Of course not- because they know a child's place and your daughter knows this. She knows how to behave but has apparently decided that her mom and dad are not worth the effort.

I will take back what I said earlier about hitting my kids. Shortly after my third child was born, my oldest child had a little bit of a crisis. She was having trouble getting to sleep at night, she was mouthing off and refusing to listen to us, and she was all around just being a jerk. She had just turned 7. During one of her fits (this crisis lasted about a week and half) she told me that I was stupid and that she hated me. She got smacked.

I felt like crap- but I didn't let her know. I let her stew in her room until she was able to calm down. Because of timing of this behavior and the fact that she was having trouble sleeping, I'm pretty sure she was just responding to the stress in the house and the hubbub of having company for a month straight. I have sympathy- I just want you to understand- I don't believe kids act out because they're bad. But it had to be dealt with.

Melatonin helped get her sleeping back to normal. When she threw her fits, I'd put her in her room. If she tore it up, she'd clean it up when she was done. Occasionally, she'd get a big bear hug until she calmed down. I realized immediately that I had to be the parent and stay calm while still dealing with the behavior.

You need to toughen up. She needs to learn self control. It's something that you need to deal with now because as someone else mentioned- it's only going to get worse until you do.

Get tough, mama. I'll be thinking about you.

**fernykins** · 03-15-2009, 02:25 PM

You need to stop running yourself down.........I'm heavy....... They are places that deal with behavior modification. They live there........ My neice had to do it to her son who was violent and was treatening to kill his mother and sister......It worked wonders for him......... Pull yourself up and be the boss. No child should run the house. Get help........
Fern

**Persimmon Lace** · 03-15-2009, 03:27 PM

She's got you buffaloed and cornered. She know's you are parenting out of guilt and that the discipline is short lived. She has no boundaries because you have none. If she can behave with other people it's because they are demanding it from her in a such a way that she believes them. She doesn't believe you. She's seen her mom and dad cave way too many times.

**LastDragonfly** · 03-15-2009, 03:47 PM

The next time she threatens to kill you, call the cops. If someone else threatened to kill you or members of your family you would call the police....what's the differance? The police could make a believer out of her even if they didn't do anything but show up.

**craftypam** · 03-15-2009, 04:43 PM

I'm not sure where to go; please please get help and don't stop until you find it. We had discipline not working when my boys were growing up. Just reading what you are going through is awful. None of you deserve this including your daughter. Your family needs to feel safe and secure in your home. Good Luck; Please keep us informed.

**monkeywrangler71** · 03-15-2009, 05:56 PM

I can't give any advice because I've been in the same situation for the past 14 years and still can't find an answer. It's exhausting, embarrassing, and unbelievably stressful.

I don't know if it helps to say that I understand what you're going through, but unfortunately that's the best I can offer.

**Jskell911** · 03-15-2009, 07:32 PM

Your situation sounds very similar to my son's. All his life he was prone to meltdown, but at 7 things got completely out of control. We went to councelling, a psychiatrist who misdiagnosed him as BiPolar and put him on some evil med. (No, I am not opposed to medicating when it is needed, but this med we found out years later had not even been approved for children ).

Finally at our wits end (he tried to strangle me while literally foaming at the mouth)we went to an emergency outreach center affiliated with our local hospital. They put him inpatient in a children's psychiatric hospital. Hardest week ever!!!! All I did was cry, and he hated it. BUT the good thing is he finally got the correct diagnosis (Asperger's) and we are doing wonderfully 5 years later!

I wish you all the luck in the world. Yes, discipline and stability are so important. But discipline doesn't cure all. Trust me, I live with a child on the Autism spectrum.

**tamiky** · 03-15-2009, 08:12 PM

This is a terrible situation for you and your family. As a teacher and a mom, I suggest you immediately take her to your pediatrician. Maybe they can get her some medication and/or counseling. Good luck!

**2ndGenGranola** · 03-15-2009, 10:37 PM

Originally Posted by Jskell911

BUT the good thing is he finally got the correct diagnosis (Asperger's) and we are doing wonderfully 5 years later!

I wish you all the luck in the world. Yes, discipline and stability are so important. But discipline doesn't cure all. Trust me, I live with a child on the Autism spectrum.

I was thinking in the same ballpark too. I have 2 kids on the autism spectrum. It was a living nightmare before diagnosis - the meltdowns, the hitting, the rage... I'd get a complete medical workup. Until you have lived with it, it is hard to understand "medical" issues making a badly behaved kid. Can't tell you how many times we were told our severely autistic kid just needed a good belting. I'm glad I didn't listen and got him treated instead. We are the same parents and parent the same way but our kids behavior is drastically different now that he has received treatment.

**LynnLC** · 03-15-2009, 10:57 PM

Originally Posted by Nishu

Ok... you see that right there? That tells me you've got about 0 self respect. Your daughter knows that. You need to man up. Be pack leader. Show your teeth.

Do you think your inlaws would put up with that behavior? Do you think her teachers would? Of course not- because they know a child's place and your daughter knows this. She knows how to behave but has apparently decided that her mom and dad are not worth the effort.

I will take back what I said earlier about hitting my kids. Shortly after my third child was born, my oldest child had a little bit of a crisis. She was having trouble getting to sleep at night, she was mouthing off and refusing to listen to us, and she was all around just being a jerk. She had just turned 7. During one of her fits (this crisis lasted about a week and half) she told me that I was stupid and that she hated me. She got smacked.

I felt like crap- but I didn't let her know. I let her stew in her room until she was able to calm down. Because of timing of this behavior and the fact that she was having trouble sleeping, I'm pretty sure she was just responding to the stress in the house and the hubbub of having company for a month straight. I have sympathy- I just want you to understand- I don't believe kids act out because they're bad. But it had to be dealt with.

Melatonin helped get her sleeping back to normal. When she threw her fits, I'd put her in her room. If she tore it up, she'd clean it up when she was done. Occasionally, she'd get a big bear hug until she calmed down. I realized immediately that I had to be the parent and stay calm while still dealing with the behavior.

You need to toughen up. She needs to learn self control. It's something that you need to deal with now because as someone else mentioned- it's only going to get worse until you do.

Get tough, mama. I'll be thinking about you.

Amen , Nishu!

Please keep us updated. You are in my thoughts. Don't let anyone disrespect you especially your own kiddo.

**heartofmine** · 03-15-2009, 11:08 PM

First and foremost you and your husband are the parents and you rule the home...not an 8 year old child. First things first get her to a doctor to make sure it isn't something medical.

If it isn't something medical then its time to step it up and see a counsiler for the whole family because something is going on when a child shows that kind of disrespect.

When you give her consequences then back it up and don't give in. Kids need rules and boundaries and they also need to know that you stand by what you tell them. Don't scream at her but be firm and talk in a clear controlled voice. She's 8 years old now and if you don't get your bluff in on her then the teenage years are going to be a nightmare. Your the adult and you have to take charge in no uncertain terms. Don't be afraid your going to hurt her feelings by saying no.

Another thing I'd like to mention and ask about is sugar...does she drink a lot of sugary drinks or eat a lot of sugary foods. There are children that just cannot have a lot of those sorts of things because they do make them hyper and act out. As a friend of mine says with her 3 boys "if they have much sugar they are bouncing off the walls." I've seen it happen with them too.

**NewLeaf** · 03-16-2009, 06:55 AM

Have you had her tested by a developmental pediatrician???? She could have a problem that could easily be treated. My ds was found to have adhd/aspergers syndrome.

I know you are exhausted and drained and totally depressed. But please have her tested. Bi-polar , adhd, aspergers all can cause anger and acting out. Acting out can be a cry for help. I am not a medical authority of any kind, just a parent who has been through a very hard time w/her kids.

Please just take her to a developmental pediatrician or a child psychologist/psychiatrist. Our county offers some of these evaluations for free. Feel free to PM me if you want.