Friends

**onencgirl** · 04-11-2009, 01:47 PM

I raised two DS and one DD pretty much on my own. They are all raised and on their own now with my DS's having families of their own. My DD is in a group home. She is mentally challenged.

I spent my time while they were growing up working and caring for them. Didn't have time for many outside enterests. I didn't have many close friends while raising the kids and now that they are grown I find I don't need or really want too many people around.

I've always been a loner somewhat and being so busy raising the kids never missed the friendships. I do work in a field I love and interact with people everyday but don't get close to any of them. Some of them don't understand my frugal lifestyle so I share very little of my private life.

I've tried reaching out and make friends easily but then I tire of the outings, gossip and general drama, etc. and prefer to be home doing my own thing. I don't really have any hobbies but I seem to keep myself busy and entertained.

Is there something wrong with me or am I the only sane one? LOL

**mom23boyz** · 04-11-2009, 03:16 PM

I would have to say I am the same way! My life revolves around my kids and my husband...mainly my kids though! I have very few friends but maybe for different reasons...I have a hard time trusting people. I guess I have been stabbed the back one too many times. My "friends" are more acquatances...someone I talk to once every few months.
Do you have family...brothers,sisters, your parents, cousins etc you talk with regularly? I talk to my sister daily and my Mom as well just about stupid day to day stuff! As long as you have an outlet I would say you are fine!!!

**kittykatstrong** · 04-11-2009, 03:25 PM

I have very few friends. I still talk to poeple from high school though facebook but we rarely get together. I am busy with work, DH, kids, and keeping the house from caving in with clutter.

**thefrug** · 04-11-2009, 03:48 PM

I don't think theres anything wrong with you. Who says that you have to have a million so called friends and all kinds of hobbies and be out and about all the time? WHEN did that actually start anyways? ( rhetorical question lol). I have 2 good friends. One moved to Texas ( huzzy <3 LOL) and the other is not far away. We try to have lunch once a month. But, other than that I'm home or at the gym, and I hang out with the hubby. We kinda have the same hobbies and the ones we don't share we go along with the other out of respect. I wouldn't worry about it hun. You got us!!

**mauimagic** · 04-11-2009, 04:10 PM

Onencgirl - you are just fine. Everyone has different wants and needs in their personal lives - and they may change throughout our lifetimes too. I love my alone time and then I also enjoy doing things with small groups - really don't like large crowds.

One great thing about getting older for me is that now I am really comfortable in doing what I want to do. Two of my closests friends (and family friends) moved to the mainland years ago - really felt those losses. The holes they left never got filled, but I have gotten closer to some people. I think that if we let it, life does evolve how it shouls.

You are just fine as long as you are true to yourself!!

**Sassyclass** · 04-11-2009, 04:24 PM

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. I'm a homebody/loner myself and I prefer it that way for the same reasons you mention. Too many drama queens

. My best friend from grade school and I still keep in touch. My mom, daughter, fiancee and my baby sister are my other closest friends and as long as I have them, I really don't care about the rest. We have friends from our places of work but I would say we are only really close to about 3 couples.

Cat

**frugalwarrior** · 04-11-2009, 04:38 PM

Interesting, I have been grappling with this myself. I let a lot of socialization go due to my husbands accident, the kids got older and i was less involved in their activities. My husband quit our church. I picked another one and he didn't like that one either. I find all the fake interest, gossip and she she's boring. Plus I don't feel christian doing it. Many times I thought someone was "friends" only to find I was being used in one way or another. You are not weird at all. I find it overwhelming and disheartening. A lot of people in my area are irritable and in one long tantrum over having less economically. More than one time I have said something I thought was nice and had it turned against me,leaving me confused. If you feel comfortable with less interaction your not alone.

**MoonMommy** · 04-11-2009, 06:15 PM

I am a homebody. It isn't that I am not social. If I go out, I will talk to everyone and anyone. However, I am most comfortable at home. The thing I enjoy the most is to read a good book...not really a social activity.

I don't think you are strange. You pretty much described how I felt when I was working and how I feel now. I rarely go out with "friends". I have one girlfriend who has a Dd in the same grade as my Ds. On Friday's we get together for breakfast at Tim Horton's and chat. It is really nice. That one day, fulfills any requirement I have for social time.

For me, it may sound cold, but I find that I have a lot of aquaintances, but very few people with whom I would call a good friend.

**monkeywrangler71** · 04-11-2009, 06:57 PM

You are an introvert, and there is nothing wrong with that. Introverted does not mean shy, it doesn't mean antisocial, it just means that you receive your energy and mental stimulation from within. Extroverts are stimulated and energized through interaction with others, bored when alone; introverts are stimulated and energized by time alone, bored and exhausted by too much interaction with others.

Introversion/extroversion is a continuum. Everyone falls somewhere along the line and none of it is abnormal, it just describes the way your particular brain is stimulated. Social anxiety and anti-social behaviour are totally different things that people sometimes confuse with introversion - these are abnormal, are a problem and completely unrelated to introversion (which, I will stress again, is completely normal).

North America is dominated by extroverted personalities, and the culture here rewards and values extroverted behaviour (even more in the US than Canada, but extroverts still dominate here). This is why introverts tend to be viewed as having a problem, simply because they are the minority. There are many other cultures in the world where introverted behaviour is more highly valued than extroverted.

Again, nothing wrong with you, just not in the majority personality type for your culture.

**jayneluvsmickey** · 04-11-2009, 09:05 PM

i had friends galore at one time in my life, and after my divorce, they all disappeared. not because they "abandoned" me, but because most of those friends involved my ex AND me and it was just uncomfortable for me. i met new people when i went back to work, but i still didn't make friends in the conventional sense. my BEST friends have been my friends for 26 and 18 years respectively...they live far from me and i miss them dearly. maybe i don't want any "new" friends because no other friendship has ever come close to what i have with these two and i've quit trying. maybe someday i will meet another friend like them, and i'm open to it, but i don't feel bad about it not being in my life.

i also have great relationships with my sister, mother, husband, and kids...that's plenty to keep me busy

**Michelle** · 04-11-2009, 09:55 PM

Definitely nothing wrong with you. I think there are more people like you (us--I am very much like you) than you think.

**Debbie-cat** · 04-11-2009, 10:09 PM

Actually, I am very much like you. I love being on my own with my own interests. My best evenings are when FIL is in his bedroom watching t.v.(he does this all the time), DS in his room with the computer or t.v., DH on the couch next to me on his laptop and I can do anything I want...knit, crochet, read, watch t.v., play on my laptop. I like peace and quiet. I think those of us who enjoy being by ourselves LIKE ourselves. We are happy with who we are and like our own company. So no, you aren't weird... you just like being with yourself and I think it is great!

**forHISglory** · 04-11-2009, 10:44 PM

I have feet in both worlds. I cherish my alone time, but I also love to be around friends and family. So I really don't find either view odd!

Remember PopEye? "I yam what I yam, and that's all that I yam...." You are who you are. "To thy ownself be true."

**NewLeaf** · 04-12-2009, 01:00 PM

I enjoy my alone time too. I like to read or craft a little. I just feel uncomfortable in large crowds like I don't fit in. I have one bff (29 yrs) and that's really all I need. I talk to my Mom every day.

I have been involved in mommy groups in the past and volunteered w/school but I am somewhat gullible and naive and I end up getting taken advantage of. That isn't much fun, so I would rather just chill out by myself or w/family.

I think you are fine!!!!

**Thevail** · 04-12-2009, 02:03 PM

I'm the opposite socially, but I don't think either one of us (or any of us for that matter) are wierd, or wrong.
I think it's a lot easier for introverted people to think they are rare or alone in being introverts. Simply because you don't get together with large groups of introverted people, whereas extroverts do just that!