Recession Widows

**frugalwarrior** · 04-22-2009, 07:53 PM

I was wondering if anyone else would be considered a recession widow. My husband works out of town M-F. He travels 4-6 hours to work but comes home on weekends. The article I watched on Yahoo showed a couple that has lived apart for a 1 1/2 years because they cannot sell their house or find jobs in the same area. Would you or have you ever done this.

**onencgirl** · 04-22-2009, 08:36 PM

I work with a fellow who's wife lives in another state. He keeps saying she is moving here but they can't seem to get the $ together to get it done. He finally (after 2 years) rented a small apartment last month. He was living in a motel room. Maybe she will move here soon. She is on disability so finding a job here is not the problem.

**Nishu** · 04-22-2009, 09:03 PM

It's something we hear about quite a bit in the military. Typically it involves a couple buying a home at a duty station and being unable to sell it when the active duty member gets reassigned. The family is then left behind because they can't sell the house.

It's reason #1 why I won't buy a house while we're still in. I dunno know what I'd do if I got stuck in that situation.

**phoeny_moonstar** · 04-23-2009, 01:00 AM

I don't think personally I could handle living in a different city/state than my SO. When we dated we lived apart (about 30 mins) and could only see each other on the weekends and that was hard enough. I would never do that (again!).

**Thevail** · 04-23-2009, 01:14 AM

No way...seriously. I'd live in a tent in a parking lot with my honey and kid before I'd live without either of them for more than a month.

I'd just rent the house out if I couldn't sell it. Bad case scenario, you list it with a property management company and tell them you'll accept HUD.

Worst case scenario, the bank gets it back and I'll walk.

**frugal-fannie** · 04-23-2009, 01:33 AM

My daughter is married to a merchant marine and they leave about half the time on a boat. They have had a long distance relationship for a long time, While he was in college in another state. They used to both rent the same movie and watch it together over the phone and also we had a webcam so they could talk and see each other every day.

**Gunny_Frost** · 04-23-2009, 01:43 AM

Hi,

I am from a UAW/Big Three town in the midwest. There is no work there right now, and will probably be less work over the next couple of years. With (2) teenage children, getting buy on my military retirement was not an option. Thankfully, my skillset has allowed me to be hired for a position in Iraq. I have been over here for 2.5 years. Some days are better than others, but it is my responsability to ensure that my family is provided for.

When I am home though, we do tend to spend more time together, and try not to look at calenders.

Cheers,

**nancycg56** · 04-23-2009, 07:29 AM

When my DH retired from the military, we sat down and figured out that he had been gone over half our marriage. Not fun but we managed.

**staciah** · 04-23-2009, 07:43 AM

Every three years my DH is transferred to a new council so we have to live apart for a while until we either selll our house and/or find a new one. Our recent move wasn't bad considering the economy. We were able to sell our house in four months our first house took over a year to sell.

It does get stressful when my DH is not living with us. I don't have family around nor very many friends because we move so much so If I need help with anything I have learned to do it myself or wait for DH to come home for a "visit".

**anxiety queen** · 04-23-2009, 08:21 AM

Hi. I guess there are a lot of us out there. I saw the segment on recession widows too, and I can relate.
My husband lost his job last July, and was unable to find work in the area. He relocated to a city 1,000 miles away, and has been there ever since. I am sitting here with a secure job that I don't dare give up, and a house that probably would not sell, or sell at a huge loss.
Also, we are in our 50's, so that makes it extra hard.
We talk on the phone several times a day, and sometimes "have dinner" together by keeping our cell-phones connected during the meal. Trips to see one another are expensive, so we get together about once every 6 weeks.
I have mailed him 46 "encouragement cards," which he keeps displayed on the fireplace mantel of his sparsely furnished apartment.
My time is filled by working late, getting together with girl-friends, church activities, and more work.
Praying for an end to this recession and better times ahead.
Good luck to you too. This is only temporary.

**frugal-fannie** · 04-23-2009, 08:29 AM

I posted about my daughter but we have been married over 26 years and my husband was a computer engineer but decided to switch to electrical power engineering. In order to get the experience in the field he drove almost to San Diego each day and when the drive got bad he rented an room and drove home on the weekends. He did this for around 18 months. He hates being away from home and will hardly go on any work trips unless I agree to go.

**lovestoread** · 04-23-2009, 10:25 AM

My husband works for a local company, but travels to many different locales...the end of March, he was in Kansas City for a week, then home for a week, drives to the Indy area alot, but does sleep at home some, this week, he has been in Gary, IN and now in Saginaw, MI.....his crew at least has work until July.....so, although I know how hard it is on him to be away, I keep telling him we have to be thankful he has a job.....he also drives semi on the weekends (maybe 2x a month) so that helps also....he loves that .....I think that is his stress reliever, although I don't know how that could be a stress reliever.... but we have also been married almost 22 yrs and I think it would be alot harder if we were younger.....

**mombottoo** · 04-23-2009, 04:55 PM

I don't know if I'd be willing to do it or not, since I've never had to make that type of decision. My niece is a recession widow...her hubby had to take a job as a long haul truck driver, she seems to be adjusting okay so far.

**jennordhavn** · 04-23-2009, 07:10 PM

My cousin and her husband are about to live separately. They are selling their house and buying a much cheaper one about an hour and a half away (in the boonies.....lol). He will live in the new house and she and the kids (15 and 19) will stay and rent an apartment. She will join him when her youngest graduates.

She isn't happy about the arrangement, but I guess they are doing what they need to do to get by.

**MyMelody** · 04-26-2009, 11:25 PM

DH is in talks to take a job that will have him away during the week and home only on the weekends during the training phase of about 6 months, but he'll be away after that time, too, supervising managers at 10-11 sites within a 3.5 hour range from our home. I am honestly kinda scared about it, because I know while he's training, driving and going, my life will stay the same, and I'll have a lot more alone time to account for. My family's an hour away and I don't really have any girlfriends here, so I'm at a loss for what it'll be like (I already feel overwhelmed by my job and have no desire to devote even more time to it). The only reason why he's taking the job now is because we don't have kids yet and he can't advance without taking a job in the field at some point. So yeah ... you do what you gotta do to stay relevant and stay employed.