Dear Abby advice ?

**happimommi** · 08-17-2009, 12:38 AM

I read this Dear Abby column today and was wondering what others would think of her advice.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ucda/2009081...irectsaleparty

"Mom balks at daughters plan to host a direct sale party"

For me, I didn't agree with Dear Abby. I have been approached a couple times by friends asking that I host a party, but knowing my other friends financial situations, I have refused. I always feel obligated to buy something when I attend these kinds of "parties" because I know my friends are trying to make money. I don't want to host a party where friends with limited funds feel pressure to buy something to help me out.
What does everyone else think?

**frugalfranny** · 08-17-2009, 03:00 AM

I think Abby made a good point though when she said that her friends should understand 'up front' that they can refuse to come and won't be expected to buy.

Some of those parties go on a 'body count' too.....so even if you don't buy you can still help the hostess by going to the party.

I am with you........I usually feel OBLIGATED to buy when I go.....it is a guilt thing......but if I feel that I can't afford it, I don't buy......better to dump the guilt than spend money I need for other things.

**Greebo** · 08-17-2009, 08:50 AM

I agree with Abby. If the mother makes it clear with the invitation that it IS a sales party, and that NO offense whatsoever will be taken if someone declines to attend, no problem.

What Abby missed, however, was the sense of obligation that the daughter put on the mother. The mother has NO obligation to help her daughter run a sales party, just as none of the invitees have an obligation to buy anything or even attend.

**Nishu** · 08-17-2009, 11:09 AM

Her daughter sounds like a brat. Does she expect to just guilt everyone into a party in order to sell her crap. That's not right to do to your momma.

I don't really agree with Abby either. I think the mom said something about "knowing" her friends' financial situation. I wouldn't hold a sales party if I didn't think family and friends were in a position to buy. Yes people should know what the parties are all about and people should be able to turn them down if they don't have the money, but an invitation from a friend is harder to turn down than an advertisement. That's the whole point of those sales parties...

**Pemberleyan** · 08-17-2009, 01:56 PM

I have a strong sense of not wanting to impose on people. I have never had one of these parties, but my former co-workers did. I can't imagine going and not feeling obligated to spend money and, therefore, don't want to put anyone in that position. I agree with the mother and disagree with Abby. The daughter can call it anything she wants, but I bet she wouldn't be happy if no one spent money. If I was the mother, I wouldn't do it to my friends either. I am sure there are some people who don't mind being invited.

**inneedofhope** · 08-17-2009, 03:04 PM

I prefer not to attend or host "sell me something" parties. I don't think anyone should feel obligated to help someone out by hosting a party when that is not something they enjoy. Personally, I would much prefer to get together with friends when we have a chance to relax and talk.

**Kaos Kitty** · 08-17-2009, 03:42 PM

I was invited to one of those parties. I asked if they just needed a body count, then I would be supportive and come. I was clear that I didn't intend to buy anything. I showed up at the appointed time. No one answered the door.

After walking a few blocks to find a payphone (I didn't have a cell) I called the person. She told me she had cancelled the party - but hadn't bothered to let me know. She said "What's your problem? You wern't going to buy anything anyway".

Now if I'm invited - I just say no thank you.

And I agree, the real issue is the daughter's expectations of the mother. The daughter can do a party for her own circle of friends.

**mnmarty03** · 08-17-2009, 04:14 PM

I found Abby's advice sound. It is a sales party and though buying something is nice -it's not necessary.

I also think it's a little harsh that her mom won't do a party for her - and that her daughter was offended too. Sounds like over reacting on both sides to me. I have friends and family who are sales consultants and I've been to plenty of parties - and have never bought anything. And I don't feel guilty. It's fun to socialize and see what they offer... and often times they have prizes!

From experience with my friends and families, often times sellers are told to start with their families for parties - it's a good way to start networking and good practice when you first start to develop how you sell/present your items.. even if no one buys anything.

Just my thoughts.

**JanieD** · 08-17-2009, 04:56 PM

Well, I don't like these "kinds" of parties. I've been guilted into attending more than one of these & feel I should buy something. I mean the sales packets are giving to everyone... its not like you pick one up if you're interested. Often, there is a huge point made over what the hostess receives with $$$ amount sales, booking, etc.

I didn't like Abby's advise. I thought the focuses should have been on the daughter being upset that her mom didn't want to host a party. Not how to tell guests they aren't required to attend or buy.