Are you "good" at friendship?

**Missy** · 08-31-2009, 08:37 PM

no, but the few friends I have I am fiercely loyal to, and have had im my life...more than half my life now!

**forHISglory** · 08-31-2009, 09:37 PM

I have been blessed to have many friends, and most have them have been friends for decades. I came from a social family. Not much money, but the house was always filled with people. We brought our friends home from school, and my parent's friends were always there. A tight group of us ran around together in high school. We still stay in contact, although we are not close like we were back then.

I have a couple of college friends that I am still close to. We chat, and get together a few times. I cherish their friendship, even though we live a distance apart.

Most of my friendships have emerged after college. I settled down in this area, began teaching, joined a church, baked bread to take to my neighbors, did community drama, etc. And I picked up friendships from all these places. My best friends and I are all scattered now, but we get together every summer.

We are moving soon to another state. I have been overwhelmed by the outpouring of love from my many friends here. It is going to be hard to leave them; we have a lot of history between us. Groups of friends have been having lunches for me, as we say our farewells, and these are treasured memories. I know that we will stay in touch; they are just that kind of people.

Now I have to start over in the friend making department in this new state. I mourn leaving the friends I have here, but know that new ones await. My dad always said, "You have to be a friend to have a friend." So true. So as always, I'll get involved, invite folks to come for coffee, stop to chat, and just make time for others. As far as maintaining friendships: yes, I must make time for my friends. It's not a one-sided deal. So if I expect to have friends, I must do my part.

I think that if you can find one good friend in your lifetime, that you are blessed. My blessings just seem to be overflowing.

**Palooka** · 08-31-2009, 11:31 PM

I think there is a saying out there that....you will only have one real true friend in life and nobody can replace that person.

I was pretty popular in high school and always had a ton of friends, but the older I get the more of a 'loner' I get because it's not that important to me anymore and now I don't really trust too many people. I always had a ton of guy friends too.

For us, it's more couples that we hang out with. I am sure if I was working out in the world, I would have more 'friends.'

**perSue** · 09-01-2009, 10:47 AM

y''know, i may have to correct my post...
i was talking w/DS a couple days ago and he said he didn't think I had any friends... because I dont go anywhere nor do any come over.
The majority of people I call "friend" live mostly outside of the state I'm in, and the 2 that do live in the same state, well, it's far enough away it'd be a mini-road trip to see them.

Just made me feel bad that he said I didn't have any friends. In a way, he's right. So, other than distant friends, I have no local friends.
I guess I don't know how to make/keep friends... if there's something about someone I don't like (it's usually a moral or ethical thing), I simply won't invest myself to being their friend.

i really must learn to be friendly and more extroverted.

**lisaflex** · 09-01-2009, 08:03 PM

i did love the book!

**IndigoMom** · 09-01-2009, 08:40 PM

No. I don't think I am. I have 1 friend from Jr. high, she lives out of state now, and we've kept in touch through the years - barely. But it's never "strange" for us to call one another out of the blue, or for her to stop in if she's here visiting family.
I have one friend who lives in another town, we talk bi-monthly, see each other every 6 months or so...again, when ever we connect, it's not like no time has passed to begin with.
But if my world fell apart tomorrow, those are the 2 calls I'd make, and they'd both be here, and the same goes from me to them. No matter how far, or how long it's been...
I feel blessed to have that much.

**Jeanna** · 09-01-2009, 09:58 PM

I have casual friends but no close friends. I really don't have any friends to count any more.

**Debbie-cat** · 09-01-2009, 10:01 PM

I only have one close friend that I would do anything for. I love her to death. We keep in touch on a regular basis. I have some casual friends but they aren't the same.

**lilyrose** · 09-02-2009, 01:13 PM

I also have casual friends, but no close friends (not counting DH). I'm just kinda a homebody and intravert.

**WV_mom_of2** · 09-02-2009, 07:16 PM

I am the best friend a person could want. However that part of me seems to attract really bad people LOL. You know, the kind of women who want to be your friend because they "know" you will do anything for them. The kind that use and abuse you.

I had a very close friend for many years. We met in 6th grade and even though I moved away we remained close until about 6 years ago. We were in each other's weddings, etc. It was mostly a Me giving, her taking friendship though. But she had a hard life and marriage and I told myself she couldn't visit me or call often because of money issues. About 6 years ago she just became so strange that I gave it up. I've heard from her once since then via a Christmas card. I do know people who know her and they say her dh has turned into a total alcoholic which I always suspected and that she is very strange.

I had a good friend in high school but she has turned into a horrible person. She has embezzled money from her church and the local little league. She lies, steals and cheats on her dh. I gave that up about 5 years ago and never looked back!

I made friends with my boss's wife(before he became my boss) when she was teaching a baton class that my dd was in. I ended up being her assistant which meant I did all the work and she showed up to teach. I answered all the phone calls from parents, did the fundraising, ran her errands, etc. When I discovered her lying to parents and using funds for things other than they were meant for, I gave it up and pulled my dd from the group.

Then I had the internet friend. I have IBS and for several years I was unable to leave my home other than to run to the next little town 10 minutes away. I turned to my computer because I was bored and lonely. I met another SAHM from WV and we slowly became friends. We talked on chat boards for several months, then moved to email and IM. After a couple of years we exchanged phone numbers and addresses and eventually moved to meeting in person. OMG she was a total lunatic! She thought I should have no friends but her. I should never go anywhere without telling her first. Any vacation I took should involve her.She would invite herself and her family on our camping trips and show up with no money to pay for campsites, food, etc. She would get mad if I didn't email her back fast enough. I was SO glad to be rid of her although it took me two years to finally break away totally and get her to leave me alone.

I have one very good friend that I met online several years ago. She lives in MA and we email on a regular basis. We also send cards and things through the mail. I can tell her most anything and she understands. I value her friendship and the way she is always there for me. She somehow seems to know when I need that funny email or a card in the mail. She is leary of things like me so is very content to just be friends like we are.

I am also very slowly building a friendship with a woman who camps where I work. She is very nice and down to earth and I love her family and her parents to pieces. But I'm taking it very slow!

I love the idea of friends. But most women here work full time and just don't seem to have the same old fashioned values and life style I do. They are all about what they can buy/have, putting their kids into every sport out there so that they are never home, etc.

As I get older I'm finding that I just don't trust people anymore. I've given too much and been hurt too many times. I have a wonderful friendship with my dh and I'm finding that that along with my two other friends is enough.

**MaryCarney** · 09-02-2009, 08:34 PM

Originally Posted by Backtoreality

I have been thinking about this question for a few weeks now. Because my DD was saying how many of her "friends" aren't true friends. And I said something like"friends are very rare and aren't necessarily here right now" Funny, how we are on the same page alot of the time.

I have never had a "close" female friendship. I guess I have never "fit in". In high school, I was the caregiver at home and had responsiblities, I was not into the clothes, boys, hair, makeup, etc of high school.

In college, I was way to busy paying for and learning to get catch up in all that stuff! Fast forward 25 years and I still have "people I know" but no lasting friendship (except for DH!). And finally after 49 years, I okay with it. I agree with all they others when they say I'm a homebody, I am interested in totally different things than most women. Oh, and you should see the looks when I bring up gardening, canning, sewing, knitting, etc.!!! Oh well....

I had the same issues in high school (my mom had left our family and I was the 'substitute mom' to my 4 younger sibs. I was horribly embarassed by this (divorce was rare in the early 70's and my dad was the first in our state awarded custody of children)

Fast forward 36 years, I still do not form close friendships. But I have many 'groups' of friends - people in my social circle, but no one I would just call to chit-chat with.

My sibs are not close either. I have one sister who I have spoken to once in the past 10 years (by her choice, not mine) This bothers me a lot, but I have always taken steps to assure that my kids don't have this kind of life.

**Ocean_Beach_Dweller** · 09-03-2009, 08:11 PM

I'm so glad you posted a topic on this! In high school and college I usually just had 1 small group of friends that I hung out with all the time.

But now that i've made friends at work, grad school, and still have my high school and college friends, i feel very overwhelmed. I've always needed alone time to "recharge my batteries", and it's getting tougher to find!

I'm learning that I don't always need to answer my phone, or respond right away to text messages, and thats helping. I just want to find the right balance for me between friend time and alone time.

**Teresa T** · 09-03-2009, 09:07 PM

No, I have never had many friends and very few true friends. I'm not lonely but I often feel isolated from the rest of the world.

I won't get into details but I know a lot of it stems from my upbringing. I don't hold good attachments to people. Dead beat father. Brother who became a JW and I have not spoken to or seen in 25 years. He seemed to choose his religion over his sister.

I won't bore you with the rest.